I have been feeling more suicide each day. I don't know what to do. Music is helping a little to get out of this world and into a new one. I just need help and no one supports me and if they do I won't talk or I'll lie and say I'm fine when I'm slowly dying inside. Help Please. Don't say something stupid.
Hi, Lucas, what are you feeling suicidal about? Please tell. A long time ago I would question the point of things when I was severely depressed. But I alway realised that suicide was never the answer. I still question the point of things but I always have done in a general way. But in those dark times I always realised that our life is short anyway, that things can and do change. I quickly reasoned that suicide might be painful and fail and leave me in a bad position whether I survived the attempt it 'succeeded'. Well, what if we just have to start again after death from a worse position to start with? No, we might as well as go on with and get through this life, is what I always reasoned. And I think I am still right in this conclusion. And I've even come to see that the things or person I had wanted long ago was naive of me, and I now wish I hadn't even wanted that person back then, that person I thought I couldn't do without after it had ended. And I never thought back then that I'd ever think and see this way. It's amazing really. When I was depressed and distraught back then, I had and wanted no one to talk to because no one around me could help and it only made it worse. I did, though, go to a doctor. I did get given some low dose benzodiazepine prescribed by the doctor for immediate and short term temporary relief. It helped. I was put on anti depressants. And so too I began to see a counsellor. It's not easy. But, you know what, perhaps it's just a part of life for all, most, or many of us. Do write to us.
I had suicidal thoughts for years. From sometime in middle school all the way into my 20s, so I sort of know what you’re going through. Like you I also used music as an escape and also just because it was(and is) something I enjoy. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I wish I had. I was like you, I never asked for help and if anyone asked if I was ok I’d always just pretend I was fine. Not wanting anyone to know about my problems and not wanting to be a burden on others. I even hid that I was ever bullied. Except when I got jumped and the cops came so I couldn’t really hide that. Just this year I told my mom about having a gun pulled on me when I was 13 and later threatened that I’d be killed if I told anyone. So I’m not sure how I can help you but I can relate to what you’re going through. You’re not alone and this won’t last forever. You just have to make it through this tough time. I’m sorry.
Lucas, I don't know what to say other than you are a worthy person. http://www.grpride.org/mental-health/ There's a number of local Grand Rapids/Kalamazoo therapists on the list above, but more importantly, there a number of mental health and suicide hotlines. Here are ones that seem most appropriate to your situation: TransLife Line 877-565-8860 Trevor Project 866-488-7386 Trevor Text 202-304-1200 Text the word "Trevor" online chat thetrevorproject.org Suicide Prevention 800-273-8255 Transgender Michigan 855-345-8464 GLBT Nat Help Center 888-843-4564 NAMI National Helpline 800-950-6246 Please reach out to someone who can help!
I noticed you posted another thread about bullying and I wonder if that's the issue that's making you feel most suicidal? What can you tell us about the bullying... who is doing it and what exactly is happening? This is a safe place to talk about it... you are among friends and people who care about you here. Is there anything else going on that makes you believe you are worthless? You already have a list of helplines posted in this thread, so do reach out if you feel at crisis point and remember we are here for you. It's really important to avoid bottling things up. If we remain silent the pressure becomes very intense and brings us closer to crisis point, but if we speak up and speak out we give voice to the pain and distress and it can help to get us through.
So sorry to hear this. I will be praying for you (I'm a Christian, but if you are an atheist or agnostic, I totally respect your beliefs. But I am still gonna pray for you because, why not?)
I say, that if there are some people in your life who seem genuinely interested in how you're feeling, you should open up to them. Never keep your emotions bottled up b/c one way or another they will surface. And in the worst way possible. They could shock you. You never know what a person goes through.
Have you ever considered talking to a therapist? That might help. I see 2 therapists (once of which is actually a gay man) talking about my struggles in life in life (anxiety, occasional depression, and other stuff), and I also talk about other stuff like my sexuality as well, and it really helps.
uh, ive talked to friends, family and a therapist. i dont need 2 call any hotlines yet. its not that bad.
Has it been easy to talk to people, or do you find it difficult to say how you feel? Sometimes, it is easier to write how you feel, so do keep that in mind. When we really open up and don't hide anything it can offer a kind of release.
Funny you bring bullying up, because that's not the problem. I honestly don't know what the problem is.
Hey, that's totally fine and really quite normal. Depression clouds everything, including our capacity to clearly identify what's gone wrong in our lives, but that doesn't necessarily stop us from talking about how we feel. It's often that process of frank and honest talking and receiving feedback from other people that opens our eyes to the fundamental issues. Sometimes we need other people to point us in the right direction and help us to walk the path towards greater contentment in life. That's not to say it's easy, especially when we have reservations and trust issues, but silence crushes us and makes us complicit in our own despair, so I want to keep encouraging you to speak out and stay connected through this forum. I am one of several people who has responded to this thread and that should demonstrate that we do care and want to offer hope in the midst of the blackness. You are part of our community and we don't wish to see you suffer like this. You may not know what's wrong, but maybe you can tell us a bit more about you; about your life and how the depression is affecting your ability to live. How long have you been feeling so low? Can you remember a time when things were better? If you can, what was it like then, compared to now? Just some questions to get you started. Don't close yourself off. It really is the worst thing you can do.
