Wishing Somebody Was Dead?

I remember when my mom passed away a few years ago, that prior to her death, my only sibling who tried to establish a relationship with me was treated very badly by my mom and the remaining members of my immediate family because they disapprove of her having any contact with me. Therefore, because she was my mom's primary caretaker, my mom and my family treated her really bad whenever she would have contact with me. Many times, my sibling would mention how she wished my mom would die and how she did not understand why God has kept her alive since she was so mean and so ungrateful for her taking care of her. Since my mom and family had always treated me very badly and abandoned me because of my sexuality, I had never wished she was dead even while she was sickly ill and yet, my sister did. However, after my mom passed away a few years ago, now my sister talks about her constantly as if she was a saint or an heavenly angel and bashes me because I don't have the same feelings that she or my other siblings have about my mom. Also, when I bought up the fact of her wishing my mom was dead many times, she now excuses her statements as just being upset and saying that in the midst of anger. Go figure!!!!

 

Hmmm...I do recall the time I had wished that the guy who had raped me was dead but then after going through therapy, those thoughts have left my memory and I have moved on with my life.

 

Some meditation practices get you to think of someone you despise and send love to them and forgive them for being such a sh*t and understand they have problems and insecurities that have caused them to act so badly.
Maybe that is another way of thinking of her.

It sounds like she has been a corrosive part of your life and wouldn't it be good to get over her?

 

Trust me it's normal. I mean, not for me necessarily, but... Hating is part of human nature. Thinking "I wish they were dead" is, (for unfortunately many people) a knee jerk reaction when someone really pisses them off. Most people don't actually mean it when the thought crosses their mind, and often the thought passes so fleetingly they don't notice.

 

Platty, there is a difference between asking if something is normal or if it is common.

Something normal goes with a judgement, which means that of course it is not normal to wish someone to die... It's not acceptable

I can't read other people's thoughts (and I'm definitely not sure if I would want to), so I can't really tell you how common that wish is.
Inside my skull such a wish was only directed to one single person on earth... It was a long, long time ago, and I had to work real hard on myself to make the wish go away, because the wish was quite sincere and came after years of long, rational thought, and many attempts to forgive that person only to be confronted with more and even worse shit coming from them.

I'm not trying to show off or anything, I'm not a saint, but the wish of illness or death against someone are the kind of thoughts I'm not really capable off. I can wish you to trip and fall, just to see you hurting a bit, but not wishing you'd break your teeth.

When someone gives you such thoughts, the best you can do is wonder why what they did hurt you so deeply. Once you've found out, you have a point to start your work.

 

It actually is normal. Human beings are biologically programmed to be homicidal and violent. The urge for violence is as strong as our biological urge for sex. However, culture conditions us out of our murderous tendencies by teaching us that it is wrong and giving harsh punishments to criminals. That's also why, a normal, kind-hearted, loving person with zero sociopathic tendencies can kill someone in the heat of passion (and of course feel remorse later).

I'm not trying to say that murder is correct or a good thing at all. It's not. But homicidal fantasies are extremely normal, extremely common, and part of the vast majority of the population. The only thing we should do though, is learn how to control them. Humans might have the biological urge for sex, but we also control ourselves to not rape or cheat on a partner. We need to learn how to control our violent tendencies as well to remain civilized.