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Wished to have both 'male' and 'female' characteristics

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by queenmarceline, Mar 3, 2019.

  1. queenmarceline

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    I've been thinking about my relationship with gender and my body for at least 5 years at this point. I always seem to go back to the same feelings. I don't mind being biologically female, but there's a nagging feeling of wanting things more typical for a 'male' body; facial hair and a penis. I don't think I experience dysphoria, the main issues I have with my body are more so about weight. I do wish I had a more defined jawline and a more muscle-y / lean figure, but I feel like most people wished for those things. I like my breasts and my hips, I have an hour glass figure (or maybe a pear shaped one idk).

    However, the time I spent thinking about if I could grow a beard, or having a penis instead of a vagina is definitely more than my peers. One thing that made me notice this was my friends were making fun of Sigmund Freud (because his theories are ridiculous) but they were mentioning the penis envy thing that women supposedly had and were denying it by saying "women don't want a penis get over yourself". When I heard this, I thought to myself like "actually I kinda do". But the weird thing is that my 'ideal' body would be lean, good jawline, ability to grow a full beard, have breasts, but also have a penis???

    One of the reasons I haven't spoken to any of my friends about this is that:

    1) I personally don't care when I'm referred to as she/her, with my birth name and with gendered words. however, I guess people read me as non-binary or something because they always ask me if I prefer they/them pronouns or if I like being called by my first name (very feminine) or my last name.

    2) I've had enough trouble coming out as a lesbian with my parents and whatnot, it would just make life even more complicated if I went around saying that I had these thoughts when they really don't add up to much more than "I wish I had some different body parts".

    3) If I were to tell people these thoughts, I still wouldn't ask for anything to change. I don't care about pronouns or anything because Gender Is Fake (and I know pronouns and names are very important to other people, but for me, they're just words).

    4) also there's literally nothing I could do to get that mismatch of different body parts and capabilities so why bother flesh this out you know.

    Do other people have similar feelings, any thoughts?
     
  2. Waffless

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    I can't say that I have thought about that but if thats what you want try not to feel bad about it, it's your wants or needs that matter not what others want you to be you only live once so make sure you enjoy it. I it would be weird seeing a woman with a beard that's my opinion I say weird loosely as I don't really care it would be interesting as well, you should do what makes you happy
     
  3. Mikey D

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    I am very similar, just the opposite. I am a male, and I enjoy having a penis and I enjoy the way I look with facial hair (it can be kind of a bitch to maintain, though). But, I also wish I had female breasts. I do have a somewhat feminine personality and like to paint my nails pink. I wish I could dress like a woman, but there are various reasons why I can't.
     
  4. Kasey

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    Sounds like genderqueer or something to me. Or some sort of androgyny.
     
  5. ArsnicD

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    There are things that you can buy to make yourself look more masculine, like diffeent clothes, soft packs, etc. and for people feeling the opisit, crossdressing is great, diffrent breast fake stuff can be usfull. I dint know what they are called but bassicly they are fake breasts. Dont know how you could get a beard other than testosterone.
     
  6. Cailan

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    I identify as bi-gender (more specifically, non-binary trans guy) - sometimes male, sometimes female - but rarely do I feel like I'm a mix, though sometimes both sides are present, yet still separate parts of me. However, I have found that hormones and surgery really helped me work through both of my gender identities and solidifies both. I'm AFAB, so that involves top surgery (mastectomy and chest reconstruction) and eventually bottom surgery (metoidioplasty - a less extreme option compared to phalloplasty). I still present femme with a pretty bra and falsies when I'm feeling girly, and totally masc when my guy side is in charge, for me each usually lasts months at a time. Making the medical changes affirms both of my sides. My HRT and surgeries makes my male side feel recognized, appreciated and cared for, and oddly it is affirming for my female side too, I feel truly, naturally femme for the first time in my life.
     
    #6 Cailan, Mar 14, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2019