ive tried everything: coming out to friends, strangers, my mum, hanging out with other lesbians, changing my identification from gay to lesbian and nothing changes. i still feel the shame and the uncomfortableness. It doesnt help that im in my early 30s and pretty much inexperienced: never been in a relationship.. how exactly does it get better? i try dating apps but it puts a magnifying glass on my total inexperience and i feel the shame even worse!
Hi CL1990 What makes you feel shameful and uncomfortable exactly? How long have you known you were gay/been questioning your sexuality?
I have been going through this feeling of shame about my own sexuality too. Like you I really want to get it sorted. I thought hanging around more gay people and consuming gay media would help, but often it just end up feeling more inferior because I compare my lack of experience - like you say - to theirs. I'm not saying it's the same for you, but I am wondering for myself if this is just another expression of my low self-esteem/self-confidence/self-worth? That's a big thing to tackle but it is possible. I have made some progress (even if it doesn't feel like anything but setbacks sometimes) by doing things like writing positive affirmations, a list of things I like about myself and getting better at spotting - and accepting - compliments. I force myself to do this kind of stuff everyday. On days when I feel shit about myself it is hard, but it can me done. Also remember that the 'timeline' when we're 'supposed' to 'achieve' these 'milestones' of relationships etc. were invented by out weird, straight-orientated society and don't apply to queer people. We have our own timelines. Again, preaching to myself here but try to reming yourself that your unique journey through life is yours and yours alone. You are clearly capable of being able to live your life the way you want eventually - proud and comfy being a lesbian - because you've done brave things that take a lot of personal courage and effort like coming out to friends, strangers and family.
i feel like im ashamed whenever i like someone because it tends to be someone who ends up being straight… i have known im gay since im 6 so i just thought i would have “it” all in a better place by now..
