Why the age gap in knowing your LGBTQ?

I just think it's down to situation me I was 27 maybe because I was focused on females too much to notice men and maybe some people like what might have happened to me was denil to themselves

 

I think the difference between age is the generations, the generational difference is massive, me I grew up in between the more accepting generation and the generation that didn't accept gay people. So I think that factored into me coming out at twenty rather than 15 or 14. Because I had the mindset that all people hated gay guys and I didn't want to be hated by anyone and so I really kept it all to myself and pushed it down as well. So yeah I'm the unlucky middle generation guy.

 

To save you a long-winded answer:

If everybody knew themselves at the exact same time, in the exact same way, at the exact same age, we wouldn't have -- taking this forum as an example -- so many variables to identity and sexuality. Every question would have the same factors, the same feelings, and the same everything to and behind them, but they don't -- it's part of what makes everybody, and their situations, unique.

If it were that easy, people wouldn't be discussing or pondering this topic.

 

Honestly sometimes it just doesn't kick in (or kick into overdrive) until a certain point in your life. I can always remember feeling *something* toward guys but it really didn't hit me until my early 20s and turn into something I would fantasize over and seriously consider I was attracted too beyond a "bromance."

 

I only truly learned what transgender was a year ago. Otherwise, if I had known when I was younger, I probably would have known sooner.

 

I didn't realize until a year ago, but so much makes sense now. Denial is a pain. I should have known at 13 but now I have a wife and a kid which further complicates everything. Gen Xers grew up in a way different world than the millenials. You can't compare generational differences. So many of us grew up in a time when LGBT was social suicide, and/or would get get you beat with a bat.

 

I have to agree on the generational thing. There was a big change in public opinion starting about a decade ago, and depending on where you are both physically and chronologically, the level of acceptance will vary. As far as a demonstration of this, look at the people trying to defend marriage being defined as a man and a women. A good majority of those people are 45+, and it's very rare to find someone under 30 supporting that.

If you've grown up with LGBT being ingrained that that is wrong, and evil... It's going to be harder to accept that you are LGBT. Lawrence V. Texas wasn't decided until 2003. Prior to that, in many states a person could be arrested and charged with a sex crime if they had any sexual activity with someone of the same sex, regardless of if the act was consensual.

 

Are we talking about "knowing (at least beginning to realize) that your gay" or "actually starting to accept that your gay"? For me these were what seemed like a lifetime apart. *cue flashback music*

I grew up in a small redneck town in Arkansas. By the time I was like 4-5 I knew the words "faggot" and "queer" (also knew terms like "nigger" and "wet back" because of my good quality upbringing but that is a different story for a different day), but I had no idea what they meant. All I really knew was that my dad (who almost every boy worships) seemed to hate them and that there was no way in hell that I would ever grow up to be one.

Fast forward to Jr. High and now I do know what those words mean. Yet, I start realizing that the boys in the locker room set off feelings that the cheerleaders didn't. This is when I actually started to realize I'm gay (around 13-14), but there was no way in hell that I would admit it, not even to myself. Because, like I had been taught, "faggots are less than human and deserve to die.

After high school , and moving out of my parents house, my porn and "toy" collection definitely indicated that I knew. However, I just lived in the neighboring redneck town with all the same social pressures of the one I grew up in. Did I know? Yea, pretty obvious. Would you have been able to offer me enough money to make me admit it (even just to myself)? Nope, even in the late 90's they hadn't printed THAT MUCH money yet. So it got repressed. When my best friend started being ...well more than "just friends" I threw out the "offending material".

I eventually married her. This made life just friggin wonderful. I mean I am married to a beautiful WOMAN, so see I can't possibly be gay! Yet for some reason the "not gay" guy would get in trouble because she saw me "checking out that girl over there" and she wouldn't believe me when I asked "what girl?". Was I actually going to admit that I was checking out the guy she was with? NOT A CHANCE !! After we separated it was more of the "toys" and porn that I had before. At least this time I was at least willing to vaguely consider that I might like guys.

Now 24 I'm considering the possibility of liking guys and I just met my baby's momma. Inside my head I was basically rationalizing that being somewhat interested in guys was okay because I was "straight" and it was just a passing curiosity. (isn't rationalizing fun?). The relationship with my baby's momma probably wouldn't have went anywhere, but It took me all of a month to get her pregnant and I "did the right thing for the baby" (I now realize what a load of bull shit that is). I spent the next several years with a woman I couldn't stand. During that time I became more and more aware of my attraction to men, but dismissed it because I assumed it was just my brains way of reconciling how much I actually hated her.

Eventually we separated and I finally tried what my brain had been telling me that it wanted for years. It was like "HOLY HELL THAT'S WHY PEOPLE LOVE SEX SO MUCH!!! However, it really played a mind fuck on me. I was supposed to be straight how could I like having sex with a man so much? By now I was like 28-29. It was on again, off again with her and when it was "off again". I would find a guy (or three) to play with. By now, in my head, I was convinced that I'm bi.

I'm now 34. I struggled with my sexuality and whether i am bi or gay or what, but I finally started accepting myself a couple years ago and came out to my family last June. It has been a rough ride getting here. Now I'm like 98% sure that I'm gay not bi, but I don't suppose I will ever really know for sure. There is still something about women that can turn me on occasionally. The big question here is whether I actually do find some women attractive in that way or if it's just something that my brain is still holding on to after me pretending to straight my whole life?

I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who have a similar story or similar struggles to mine. So, I ask again, do you mean "realizing you are gay" or "beginning to accept it"? The first was around 13-14 the second was in my early 30's.

I think this is the biggest reason for the gap in "knowing you're gay" (I usually just use the word "gay" to describe LGBT for the simplicity. You will not ever hear me say "queer" because of the connotation the word had when I was growing up. Matter of fact I'll probably punch you if you call me "queer")

 

For me personally, there wasn't a gap in knowing so much as there was a gap in accepting. I've known I liked boys for at least as long as I've had sexual thoughts (puberty). But because I grew up in a homophobic environment, I denied my sexuality until I gained the confidence/maturity/balls to accept myself. That, and by my late 20s, I was exhausted with fooling myself.

 

Lack of information and a homophobic environment.

 

I think most people are right... I doubt that hardly any of people born in developed countries this year will realize they are gay in their 30s-40s. I think it's all people knew. Men got married and had kids.... That's life. THINGS WERE SIMPLER BACK IK THE GOOD OL DAYS.

 

I love the question. It fills me full of a warm feeling. It means the world has moved enough that someone who is 16 finds it incomprehensible that someone would find it is necessary to hide their sexuality for so long.

 

I, personally, (subconsciously) assumed I was straight from the very beginning and never questioned it because heterosexuality is seen as the norm and why wouldn't I be part of the norm?
Also, every time I looked at girls in a romantic/sexual I would feel disgusted and ashamed which made me think that I really did not like girls and was super straight.
For me it mainly had to do with extreme shame and oblivion (I never actively thought of my sexual orientation until I was about 14-15 when I questioned being bisexual).

I live in a quite accepting country and I don't think anyone I know is homophobic but I still grew up with internalized homophobia because I realized early on that from society's perspective, heterosexuality = the norm, natural, acceptable and homosexuality = shameful, abnormal, disgusting.

Another thing is that I didn't start having strong sexual feelings for people (because of shame which led to numbing and depression) until I was about 17 and felt very attracted to a girl.

 

I guess it's to do with how you're brought up. If you grow up fearing that you might 'turn gay' and lose everything, you're probably more likely to be in denial about it. (imo, anyway)