For fear of losing people I don't care anymore. If i mean anything to you, you'll stay, if not jog on. Bored of being afraid to speak So angry. I'm a good person yet I keep getting shit on from great heights.
Hi Richie, When you let go of caring about what other people think all the time you can be truly free to be yourself. I think you are on the right track dont worry about what other people think just be yourself and dont be scared. As you say you are a good person, stay positive and look after yourself. Molly x
I'd say that maybe you DO still care what they think, if you're actually asking the question. If you didn't care what they thought, you would turn off the filter and let it all hang out with them, tell them off and be gone. Maybe the real question is, WHY do you care? And what will it do to you if you actually DO express your feelings--and lose them? A lot of times we keep a lid on our feelings because deep down, we really DON'T want to lose them, and we're afraid of what we might say if we let it all out. We may actually want them in our lives, but we're frustrated with them for the moment, and are too carried away with emotion to talk to them rationally and consider their point of view. Now, if people are treating you poorly over and over, and you keep coming back for more, maybe the issue isn't so much letting your feelings out, as it is just backing away and letting them live their lives without you in it. I've gone off on a few people over the years, and unfortunately, it rarely changes anything, even though I expect it will, and in the end they're pissed off at me, I'm still pissed off at them, and now I'm pissed off at myself too because I expected to feel better, but I should have known that it wasn't worth the effort and wouldn't change anything. Plus, the anger sometimes spills over and you end up making collateral damage of people who would be willing to be there for you, but can't handle the drama. Sometimes the only winning move is simply not to play.
Oh, wow, Richie. It is painful to be rejected or judged by others. I wonder, sort of like ChoirBoy I guess, whether you'd like to stop caring because you'd like to cut off the pain. Love and pain are often two sides of the same coin. I certainly feel the pain of rejection most deeply from the ones that I love the most. Another sort of pain that I feel when I am rejected by someone is the pain of shame, the anger I feel because someone presumes to have the authority to make any sort of pronouncement about who I am and how I love. So now I guess I wonder whether your anger is more the result of the grief of losing relationships or the shame of being judged. Or some combo of the two. I am still struggling with my internalized homophobia and still feel the sting of shame when I am rejected outright because I am gay. While I'd like to just walk away from that, I can't. I have to attend to that and dig it out. That's my sh^t that I have to deal with. On the other hand, when I feel the pain of grief because someone that I loved or respected rejects me, then that's their stuff. I can't really help them with that, but I'm angry that I have to feel the pain of their choices. You are a good person, a great person, a beloved person, and very brave and courageous person. I hope you believe that about yourself. I am sorry for your pain and the loss that comes when you stake a claim about who you really are. I can only believe that, overtime, your network of loving relationships will only grow. But this season of pruning is hard! Much peace to you, friend!
I think you're on the right track, Ritchie. yeah, you are having a problem living what you are saying, and letting go of what other people feel. I know that feeling. It means that we do care. But you also realize that it is much more important to be authentic, to be who you really are. and then you will be able to rejoice on those who support you, and ultimately dismiss those who don't because they really don't have your best interests at heart. just follow through, don't be bitter, and forgive those who are just ignorant, but move on. (&&&)
And you might just be surprised if you're honest with someone about how you feel it's not a foregone conclusion they'll just "jog on" -- sometimes people need to know how they affect you, then they amend their error and you move on together as better friends. It's an impossible standard to hold someone accountable for offenses they don't realize they've done. Likewise when people do recognize they've wronged you in some way and taken steps to amend their error, it's up to you at that point to decide whether the friendship is worth keeping and move forward or do you prefer instead to "jog on" yourself. ---------- Post added 9th Dec 2014 at 10:34 AM ---------- Oh and BTW, Richie, since you PM'ed me as I was posting my previous reply here, I'll post my undeliverable response here: sorry you feel that way; I still consider you my brother; will be here for you if you change your mind.
