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Why my friend speaks about his problems vaguely?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Vega222, Nov 30, 2021.

  1. Vega222

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    It's about my online friend who is gay, younger than me and also has problems with his life. There's something that annoys me. Many times he just tell a few vague words about an incident in his life and I wouldn't be told what the story is at all. It feels awkward for me, because I want to say something but actually I can't. Because I don't know anything about the problem. I can't comfort him or anything.

    What should I do? It feels kinda insulting to me. He should either don't mention it or give me enough information about it. Why he does this? He does it too often. Even if I ask what he is talking about, he might give up a little to none information.

    Imma tell him it's annoying for me.
     
    #1 Vega222, Nov 30, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
  2. FireFox

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    I think you should ask him. Maybe he is worried or ashamed and he's trying to say something but not sure how to do it.

    I'd ask first before you tell him it's annoying.
     
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  3. Vega222

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    He apparently doesn't feel comfortable to open up with me (and even less with others). It's not understandable for me. We know each other for long. And the problems are not about awkward things. Just everyday problems! Family problems. Job problems.

    Until recently he even didn't tell much about his job. I still don't know exactly what he does there. He would talk about incidents with some vague mentioning. He would talk about it as if I know everything about it. But in reality I knew close to zero things about it. It's insulting, isn't it? It is to me.

    He keep talking about this boy or that boy. Like I know the story wholly. But in reality I have no idea who's he or which one he is and what is the background. Doesn't he really know it's not right? Like "I sent a message to him and I feel bad." and I'm like what's him?! What's the background?! Am I a wall for him?
     
  4. FireFox

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    Well I don't know what to suggest but I would certainly avoid being pushy, I've seen similar situations afterwhich the friendship grows apart to the point where they no longer know each other and have stopped talking.
     
  5. Vega222

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    I want to tell him you seem to talk to someone who knows about it wholly and knows the background of it. There is two people here: me and you. I have no idea what you're talking about and you wouldn't tell me if I ask to. The logical assumption is you probably talking to yourself and not me.
     
  6. FireFox

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    Wait for the message response and go from there.
     
  7. Vega222

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    I don't know. He seems to have a good opinion on me and we always make jokes. Maybe he can take this critique from me as well.
     
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  8. Rayland

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    Some people have a hard time to fully open up to even to the friends they should be close with. I can also see, why it's upsetting for you. Be patient and try to understand and like @FireFox said ask him about it and also tell him how it makes you feel. Communication is key.

    I am also someone who has hard time to open up to friends as well, because I have been betrayed before and am also shy and get too clingy and because of that I get uncomfortable, when people try to get too close, because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Maybe they are afraid or ashamed about something as well.

    By saying they are annoying, they might even close themselves off more and not tell you anything else about it.
     
  9. BiGemini87

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    You've already gotten some solid advice here, but I'll lend my two cents: some people have trust issues, and whatever your relationship is with them, it's not personal; it's not about you, but their experiences. I seldom open up to people in my life, because betrayals have happened about some really big things. Things that have followed me around like a bad stench for years after the fact. It's entirely possible your friend is afraid to say more because whatever his issues are, maybe they're not as ordinary as he's presenting or as you think.

    I get your frustration, I do--if he's talking to you but only giving you an incomplete understanding of what's going on, you can't exactly give support or input. So my recommendation would be to very calmly tell him you don't know what he's talking about and that if he wants to talk to you about it, he's going to need to be a bit more specific. If he refuses to, then you might need to give him some space to ruminate. That doesn't mean giving him the cold shoulder, but making it apparent that you're not interested in being passive in your discussions and that if he wants you to engage in a dialogue, he needs to hear what you have to say, too. It can't just be one-sided while he talks about things without any context.