(for clarification, my mom is deceased) Oct 12 a) not given b) not given c) An interesting reflection. If the Marines took women (back in her day) my mom would have been a Marine drill sergeant. My mom must have known I am gay. There’s just to many clues that she knew. If this is true, and I highly suspect it is, I just can’t believe she would intentionally hurt me so much by willfully steering me away from discovering I am gay. (Brain flash, could this be why I cant love? I’ve been hurt by someone I love so much, the pain so great, I just cant get close to anyone. Fuck. I previously wrote in this journal that Im 15 and still fighting with my mom. This theory has a high probability of being right. ) Follow up thoughts: I was not going to write entry c) because I thought it was frivolous. I came up with the Marine analogy during my morning shower. As I wrote the entry in my e_journal, BAME, brain flash, it hit me. I've been painfully hurt by someone I dearly love.