Why isn't bisexuality considered a " real" orientation?

Thank u!

 

no disrespect but I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. Maybe there are some twisted individuals that think that way but I've never experienced it. I know a lot of people have an opinion about bi sexuality and none of 'em feel that way. They just don't understand because it's not their orientation and it confuses them that anybody could be attracted to both sexes. I'm bi so like to ask lots of people how they feel about it(none of whom know i'm bi) Some people think it's a phase or experimentation or even a form of self denial to being fully gay. It still confuses me a bit sometimes and i'm bi...known for 12 years...also i'm not sure you know what inner monologue is because you don't seem to be using it right:eusa_doh:

---------- Post added 12th Jan 2017 at 03:34 PM ----------

*I know a lot of people WHO have an opinion about bi sexuality*

 

Empty Closets isn't bad at all, with mostly open-minded folks. It's why I settled here after trying about four or five other trans community websites. One was particularly bad, and I found myself actively attacked by mobs by for suggesting that not every trans person wants or needs full transition. That particular board is populated almost entirely MtF transitioning or post-transition folks, so that may have had something to do with it. I was also told that if I have a female side I am happy with, to go with my female body, I am not trans at all, and I must have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, because that's what females are prone to. :rolle:

 

I've heard this before, and also have had my own bisexuality questioned by others who were under the pretension that bisexuality is a "myth".

I also think part of the reason that it's harder for bisexuals to gain visibility (the concept of bi-erasure) is the fact that it's (oversimplifying) hard to see. Looking at a couple, most people are going to discern immediately if it's gay or straight. If I'm in a relationship with a man, people who don't know my sexuality are just going to see me as gay. The opposite is true if I'm dating a woman-they'll just assume I'm straight. We should be recognizing that we can't intuit a person's sexual orientation from just what we see, and by assuming that we can, it contributes to bi-erasure.

I also think that some of the biphobia comes out of the cheating assumption and fear of it.

 

Ignorance.

 

I think you make a great point with this and the 'conversion therapy'. God how I tremble in fear at that phrase. In the mid/late 80's I went under conversion therapy with counselors and pastor. I didn't remember the name until you wrote this. I remember hearing them tell my mom about it.

But I also think the bad perception comes partly from the married, straight women wanting to spice up their lacking sex life with their spouse.

 

People think that way because they are being stupid and do not realise that entering a stable relationship with one person is not "picking a side", it's picking a partner who can't be two people at once.

 

A LOT of gay men are PURISTS. They associate with being "gay" so much that they don't think bisexuality is real. But at the same time, I've only met one guy who was truly 100% bisexual. Most of the guys I've met who have stated they are "bisexual" are really not bisexual. Most of them can have sex with a man or woman, but when it comes to being in love and developing feelings, a "bisexual" man will NEVER fall for a woman. They will always date men and fall in love with men. It's sort of a cop out for not admitting one is GAY. If they were honest with themselves then they would quit referring to themselves as bi and just call themselves a gay man who occasionally enjoys sex with women.

 

Which is literally the definition of bisexuality. If you can ENJOY sex with both men and women, you're bisexual. The only thought of seeing a woman naked low-key repulses me. I have the privilege of being among the perceived as "stronger" sex, which means I don't need to worry so much about being raped, less so by women (not trying to say I'd go so far as to enjoy being raped by a man, but it would be less bad than if a lesbian were to be raped this way, I hope you can make some sense of my train of thought).

Bisexuality IS a thing, but where people fail to understand is when someone engages in an exclusive relationship with one of the genders. People assume they've automatically chosen one end over the other - which they did, but not in the sense of repressing their bisexuality, but in the sense of choosing to enjoy sex with their partner and their partner only. So, although they did go exclusively gay/straight for someone, it doesn't mean they won't have the same attractions as before.

Sorry if I don't make sense

 

Spoiler

When we’re young, most of us don’t know the concept of gay and straight. All we know is girls get with boys, and boys get with girls and that’s it. Then as we get older, people tend to find out that actually, there are boys that like boys, and girls that like girls. However, depending on the environment, people are usually deterred from being open about their attractions. So usually it’s only really the more stereotypical gay/lesbian students that stand out.

I’m sure you’ve heard the whole “boys and girls can’t be just friends”, that boys are masculine, and girls are feminine and are “totally incompatible platonically”. But gay men are often stereotyped as feminine or that they “think like a woman”, and lesbians thinking like guys.

So, if we were to go by this rigid system, there comes a question of where to put gay men and lesbians in this equation. Often, those that fit under stereotypes are expected to get on better with the opposite sex (feminine gay men getting on better with women, masculine lesbians hanging out with straight guys).

There are some people who think lesbians can’t be feminine, and that gay men can’t be masculine. For those with that mindset, placing lesbians and straight men together, and gay men and straight women together just makes sense. But then, we have bisexuals. If a person can’t be friends with the gender they’re into, then I guess following that logic bisexuals have no friends. XD

So, then what? Well, bisexuality, unlike heterosexuality or homosexuality, is a fairly large category. Someone might be bisexual but have a preference for the opposite or same sex, either to quite a large degree or only a small amount, or they could be bi but have no preference at all. Or perhaps their preference tends to fluctuate over time, or just stay the same. Basically, if someone has a considerable preference for the opposite sex, they are more likely to be mislabelled as straight.

I know some people that would technically fit under the bisexual category, but they view themselves as straight or at least identify that way because they have a strong preference for the opposite sex, and they find it easier to say straight than bi, even though they sometimes flirt/make-out with the same sex, and have people they’d willingly sleep with of the same sex if the situation occurred.

But they don’t identify with the community, and find themselves more uncomfortable with the idea of being with the same sex when sober. They also fit in with straight guys more easily, so they just prefer seeing themselves as straight.

I tend to find that bi guys that have a preference for women are more likely to identify as straight than bisexual. Whereas bi guys that have equal interest, or a preference for men tend to identify as bi. The opposite is usually considered of women, that bi girls tend to have a preference for men or an equal interest in both. I know anecdotally this matches up to my friend group.

People tend to think that all women are somewhat bisexual, and that men are either straight or gay. Often in social media, it isn’t unheard of- straight girls kissing with their bestie and what not. However, I have seen straight guys kiss on my social media- particularly those in the scene/emo communities, they tend to act “flirty” as a way of teasing each other. Usually as a joke about emo guys being seen as “automatically gay” and what not.

Spoiler

I know quite a few women that say to me they’d never date a bi guy. It should be noted that in pop culture/media that straight women losing their virginity to bisexual men is somewhat seen as taboo. There was this show I watched once where two women were having a small argument, and one threatened to out her as having lost her virginity to a bisexual man. I’m a bit lost on that one tbh, perhaps because people tend to see bisexual men as “gay but in denial”. Also, since some people see AIDS as a “gay disease”, women might worry about dating a bisexual man in fear of this.

There are also some gay men that first come out as bi, but then later come out as gay. I know one of my friends did this, he came out to me as bi but sexually into men, emotionally into women. Then afterwards, he later came out as gay to me. So, some gay men might think that bi men are just in denial like they were.

Lesbians often feel pressure from others to prove that they are gay, with others saying stuff like “But you’re too pretty to be gay”, “Don’t be silly- all women are secretly bi” and they may feel a slight annoyance to bisexuals because of this. They hate having to explain themselves all the time.

I know I once came across a lesbian who claimed that all female bisexuals were “too sensitive”, not sure how she came to that conclusion. And then there’s the “star system” (aka gold star, silver star…) which is basically just there so you can say how gay you are.

And of course, there’s the whole stereotype of bisexuals being indecisive and greedy, and that if you’re a woman they’ll leave you for a man, and vice versa. I knew a teacher who was fine with gay people, but said that bisexuals should just “pick one already”. :rolle: Anyway, this post is long enough as it is so I should probably stop here.