Why is it...

My parents are ultra conservative (my dad's a Baptist pastor) so yeah...not coming out any time soon.

 

Because even the most remote possibility of rejection from them is harder than rejection from anyone else.

If society rejects you, that sucks. If your friends leave, ouch. If your family decides that they can't accept you...that hurt is deep.

For exactly the reason you say they should know first, is why we hate to tell them. Even if they're totally chill with queers, it's still the possibility that makes it the scariest.

 

because we have to save the "best" for last. Our parents are the most important people in our life, well at least mine. I can take rejection from anyone else, but my parents? i dont think i would be able to handle that. So in my opinion we tell the people that can be replaced first, however you cant replace your family, especially not your parents. Just like thedreamwatch said. "If society rejects you, that sucks. If your friends leave, ouch. If your family decides that they can't accept you...that hurt is deep."

 

Because your parents are most attached to you and would rather see you grow to be what they've always envisioned the best of you. They are more prone to try to make decisions for you than your friends who'd go "your call, man."

When you decide to leave your home for school, your parents say, "Why not check out something closer?" while your friends say, "Good luck!"

When you're unemployed and you lack the motivation to find a job, your parents say, "You need to get your act together." while your friends say, "You're so lazy!"

When so many parents are conservative and not accepting homosexuality, your act of coming out and sticking with it is an act of independence and breaking away from them. Their most likely response is to convince you otherwise.

This is coming from my view of the world.

 

Totes.

I could break down in tears imagining losing my parents in some way, even the thought that they would see me differently, or in a negative light.

 

I think guys often tend to fear that their dads are more likely to reject them if they're gay. The order of who girls tell first doesn't appear to be always mom first.

 

I agree, I've always been closer to my mom than my dad (don't tell him I said that), and to me, it seemed easier to tell her than my dad, even though it was easier to tell my dad in reality

 

^ This. You've gotta think about the statistic that one in four people who comes out to their family before they're out on their own is kicked out of their household. There are a LOT of conservative regions in the United States especially where homosexuality is openly condemned.

It's hard to hear your parents tell you you're going to go to hell. Bad enough to hear it from other people, but your parents are supposed to be in your corner. Having them not accept you when you come out is devastating. They're your parents. They're supposed to love you no matter what, even if you're queer. When you find out the love of your parents is conditional, it's disillusioning.

One of the worst things about kids taking abuse for being queer in school is that they can't even come home and cry in their parents' arms about it, because they're afraid their parents will think they're as disgusting and worthless as their classmates do if they reveal what they're being bullied about.

Also, no one (in my opinion) needs an excuse to tell their parents last. People come out in all kinds of different ways, because we come from all walks of life and vastly different situations and family dynamics. Some of us couldn't imagine living without our folks. Some of us have been beaten or verbally abused since we were kids.

Not me though. My family raised me in pretty much a consistent atmosphere of supportive love and affection. But when I came out, my parents did a complete 180 and did everything but throw me out of the house, which they couldn't do only because I made sure I was out on my own and financially independent before coming out to them. That way, when my parents disowned me (as I anticipated they would) I could take care of myself.

Luckily, unconditional love reigns in my family, and I was taken back into good graces the next day after my folks had a chance to get over the emotional meltdown and let reason take over. My dad accepted me right off, my mom took half a year.

 

Because parents are supposed to be the ones to love us and support us unconditionally, they're the ones we're most afraid of rejecting us. If your parents are straight and their child is gay, what will they say?

Lol, "Gay parents will only raise gay babies because straight parents only raise straight babies." XD

 

They are the most important people in my life. Rejection from them is worse than loosing any friendships. Plus my mom is not at all in a good emotional state right now to handle news like that. She has been getting divorced for the past 6 years, her dog just died and she blames herself. News like this, while there is nothing wrong with it, could be the straw that breaks the camels back.

 

We don't want to disappoint and unfortunatly society does making being GLT out to "wrong".

Also since we've known them the longest we don't want their view on us to change (Even if we know they'll ok with it) We worry they'll look at us with different eyes.

 

Well I went to 13 years of Catholic school, and telling my mom you believe in anything not supported by the Church or the Republican party is extremely insulting to her. When I told her I was gay (or possibly bi) she said it was harder than finding out her dad was dead. She begged me not to tell my sisters. She said if I could even possibly be bi, how could I do this to HER. They were some very selfish things to say, but none the less I still feel guilt about it, and regret very much trusting them enough to tell them.

P.S. its nice to see someone else from Iowa on here

 

Parents are the hardest for me to admit my sexuality to (scratch that, family in itself is difficult) and if they rejected me, I'd feel pretty crushed inside. That being said, two of my family members know and they're fine with it, but they're girls and for me, admitting I'm gay to women is easier than guys (is it vice versa for girls as well?) Plus they've known you the longest, more than your friends and more than yourself sometimes. It can change everything.

In an ideal world, I would've told my parents first, but what can I say, I'm a coward.

 

You know, strange enough, because I knew they wouldn't care. My uncle is bi (which I only found out after I came out to my Mom). I'm the kind of person who takes care of the most difficult tasks (my friends) first, then relax and do the easy ones (my parents and sister)

 

I've never exactly been a 5-star offspring. I feel like they'll be disappointed, which is kind of worse than being angry or disgusted in a way.

I tried to talk to my mother about it was I was 14 and thought I was bisexual, but it was passed off as "just a phase," something that she went through herself, and that was the end of it. We never spoke of it again and I continued to date men and occasionally a woman in secret. I realize I had it pretty good, seeing as how people sometimes face actual aggression, but I'm afraid of the day she has to confront this reality instead of shrugging it off and what she might think of me.

My family has always struggled to be close, and I'm loathe to see something damage or possibly break our already frayed bonds. I don't want to lose them, and sometimes it feels like it might be best to just live out this part of my life in secrecy rather than risk it.

 

Personally, I`ve been telling people who didn`t matter to me and/or pre-approved by the assembly (Me). My parents won't be last but they'll be a while. My father matters the most to me in this world and to be more of a failure in his eyes would kill me.

 

I just told my dad, and he was the first person I've ever told, so I went the opposite route. I don't know. For me, it just seemed natural to tell my dad first. I would feel guilty sneaking behind his back doing things.