Why does it seem so hard?

Why does it seem so hard to be open about being trans, or really anything? Why is it so hard to take the first steps in the direction you wish to travel? Why is it so hard to figure out and decide where you're going and what you're supposed to be doing to get the results you desire?

These are all questions going through my mind right now. I mean, this all sounds like simple stuff. They're simple in concept and idea, and one might even think that they aren't difficult at all. But that's all thought, opinion, speculation, etcetera. I'm surprised at myself how simple it is in theory to do most of this stuff, yet I find it so difficult to actually do any of it. It's not a difficult concept to see a therapist, or visit your local support group. It isn't hard to question yourself, come up with an answer, come out, and attempt to transition, but only in theory. In my mind these things seem incredibly simple, however the real world applications make me turn red with embarrassment and shake at the knees in fear. I don't like it.

This is a huge part of my life as a trans girl;
Theories on how things should pan out, but also how they never work in real life.

It's quite the dilemma, especially when you want nothing but happiness and, what seems like, the simplest things end up holding you back. All I want is to be happy, be able to support myself and possibly a family, have property, have vehicles, pets, and most of all, I want to be who I am on the inside. I'm a girl. I want nothing but to become my true, inner self. Natasha is my inside name, my male name is not important to my gender identity. I like skirts, and flats, and dresses, and cleavage, and every other stereotypical "girly"/femme thing. I'm on the inside, and my personality is what it is, but my appearance is the problem. There's lots of aspects of my life that are just the way I like them, however, there are also many aspects of my life that are not the way I like them. I just want to be who I am inside, and all I get is nothing but trouble. Trouble internally, externally, etcetera. I like being Natasha, and I really want to let that side of me out, but it always seems like I'm being blocked by something. Whether it's my own mind, or the environment around me, it always seems like there is something there to stop me and prevent me from moving forward. I'm hoping to see the light if day soon, for the darkness and dampness of the basement if the hell that is my life is not place for a young lady to spend her time.