So I've been thinking about my sexuality a lot lately, and what I've found is that at the end of the day, I like whoever I like, and I like all of them for different reasons. I see a lot of questions on here about whether someone's gay or bi, and I was just wondering why we care so much. I've gone through periods of telling people I'm only attracted to girls because I'm mostly attracted to feminine people and it's more socially acceptable, but then I just feel weird and bad if I ever get a crush on a masculine person. I know a lot of people at my school who have felt really bad about something like being a lesbian but thinking that a guy is attractive. Under the literal definition of lesbian, that person wouldn't be one, but I've found that people's upset-ness over things like that is way out of proportion to how important it actually is. Take me for example. I'm nonbinary, and I'm aware of having triggered questioning of sexual orientation in a couple of my friends because they feel like they can't be gay and attracted to an enbee. Once again, under the literal definition of gay, that person shouldn't like me, but it feels so arbitrary to be that upset over a label that is completely a construct of humanity. I guess my point is this: Why do we need labels for our sexuality? Why do we treat homosexuality as an iron rule instead of just a loose descriptor? Does being attracted to one person of a gender that you don't normally consider yourself attracted to make you somehow lesser?
I think the terms can be helpful if someone is trying to describe the gender they are interested in and also the gender they would not date (even lesbians that are occasionally attracted to men may not want to date them). On the other hand, if your sexuality isn't 100% rigid, it can get confusing. You are right that people start policing others under these terms. I wonder if it would be more helpful to turn kinsey scale labels into sexuality, as they are more varied and get the point across. Sometimes I will clarify my kinsey scale score number if others are confused.
I know some people really find labels helpful but you’re right in that they can sometimes feel very constricting. I sometimes feel obligated to pick a label, i desperately want to know, probably to feel a little bit more in control over this thing that feels so out of my hands and that i have gotten very emotional and contemplated so many times. It would be nice to let go of that pressure i put on myself though, regarding labels
Heteronormativity. Unfortunately for me having any remote attraction to guys puts me into the straight category. When I feel like I'm being put into the hetero category I feel like I'll never be able to be with a girl.
Percy15....For most people who care about defining their sexuality, a label is just a way to help you understand where you fit into this enormous spectrum that is human sexuality. I know that some folks - you included it seems, are uncomfortable labeling themselves. My response to that is "well Ok don't do it then". If you don't like labels, don't use them. If someone, who you feel has the right, asks what you consider yourself to be, then you have a great opportunity to explain how you feel. Plus you can tell them how you came to that conclusion. Then there are other people who are fine with labels. I am one of those. You see I spent over 50 years denying my sexuality, pretending to fit in a heteronormative society as a straight guy. I didn't fit, it never did work. When I finally accepted myself, it felt so incredibly good to be able to say out loud "I am gay". I at last knew and accepted who I was and it was an incredibly good feeling. For me, the label was very important. I feel so good when I say I am gay. It means I have finally found my "family" and I am now at home. That was something that I had longed for, wished for. So I guess "to each his own". It doesn't bother me that you prefer not to have a label...I am happy for you! I hope that you will be happy for me that I have found who I am and that my label makes me very happy!
Thanks for helping me understand that. I don't have any problem with people who use labels to describe themselves, and I'm happy that you've found a label that brings you a sense of contentment and security. I think a lot of my issue is that there aren't really any labels to describe what I personally am, but people still expect me to have one which can be frustrating. It makes a lot of sense that being able to say 'I'm gay' makes you feel good, and I obviously don't know you as well as you do, but I get the impression that some of that comes from the fact that you never had/felt comfortable with words that describe how you feel, so finally getting one gave you a sense of closure. I hope that you continue to be content with yourself and others can discover more of what they are!
