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Why do I still experience so much anxiety and uncertainty about my orientation? Does it go away?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by AnxiousReader, Feb 17, 2024.

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  1. JT1999

    JT1999
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    No problem :slight_smile:

    They were what you could loosely call relationships. I sometimes use "friends-with-benefits" but that phrase seems like it puts far more weight on the "benefits" than it does on the "friends". They were all genuine friendships first and foremost, with affection & sexual attraction all mixed in. Sometimes more affectionate (best friends but we kiss a lot), sometimes more sexual. But always a lot of one and at least some of the other. Is that what love is? If so, maybe that too. But I don't know, it's a very different thing with another woman compared to a man....

    I don't think I've ever been subtle in real life, although I'm a bit more careful what I say on here because the written word can be taken differently to how it was intended. I've always been pretty head-strong, where I grew up there is a saying "shy bairns get no sweets", its sort of similar to "if you don't ask, you don't get". You've got to accept that you might screw up or things don't go your way, but don't let it put you off trying. Regretting doing something is not as bad as regretting not doing something.
     
    #21 JT1999, Feb 29, 2024
    Last edited: Feb 29, 2024
  2. LlouW

    LlouW
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    Once again, you're helping me understand your experiences. I am trying to understand mine. I am a "real" lesbian because I don't and never did enjoy sex with men, even though I was initially attracted to them. In the case of my husband, he was sweet to me, vulnerable (because he had been hurt by a woman), very romantic and I fell in love with him. I blew a lot of chances with women, first because I was in the closet, later because they always came along at an inconvenient time (such as being with my husband). I regret those missed chances, It is definitely worse to regret what you don't do. But I met a lot of weird women too. Women who would stare at me and not say a word. What was I supposed to do? I really don't understand women at all. As far as trying to approach them, I now have a rejection complex and I CANNOT approach a woman, although if she flirted first it would be possible. I will need counselling and support for the rest of my life. There is a 50-50 chance I will go back in the closet again. I have been out only two years. Another problem I have, and this is a big one, will I be able to enjoy sex with a woman since I do not enjoy it with a man? I think I will but I am not sure. I have a normal sex drive and I fantasize about women, never men, so I guess I will, but I don't know.
     
    #22 LlouW, Mar 1, 2024
  3. Contented

    Contented
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    This captures my sentiments exactly. I too at the beginning of my acceptance tried the bisexual label because I didn’t want to give up totally my heterosexual privilege. However over time I was only fooling myself and not very well as I knew I was 100% gay and always had been. I too absolutely love being gay and wouldn’t change if it was possible. Enjoy your journey to full acceptance!
     
    #23 Contented, Mar 1, 2024
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2024
  4. quebec

    quebec
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    Hello All.....I had an experience that was somewhat difference and I wanted to share it with you. After almost forty years of trying to hide my sexuality from the world and myself, I finally accepted that I was and always had been gay here on Empty Closets in December of 2014. It was a wonderful, freeing experience. However the true impact of that moment didn't really hit me until about two months later! I had always felt that I really didn't "fit" anywhere. At school as a teenager I wasn't a "jock". I wasn't a theater kid, I was In band but I didn't identify as a "band nerd", etc. As as adult I wasn't involved in any particular organization. My family wasn't a close family at all, I don't remember my mother ever saying "I love you". I had four step father's and none of them cared about kids.

    I was driving on a long road trip by myself. I do a lot of thinking when I'm on a trip like that. I was thinking about the night that I almost took my own life but instead made my first post on EC and was greeted by people...so many people who encouraged me that night - Thank You some much @greatwhale -. As I thought about coming out I realized that for the first time in my life, I belonged some where! I belonged to a very large group of people who have identified as gay. I have a family! I have brothers and sisters and non binary's, and androgynous folks, etc. (I hope I haven't offended anyone!). It's actually a big family and I have found that I can start a conversation with someone I have never meet before and if they are also a part of my family, if the are gay or LGBTQ...we can just feel the connection and know that we are part of that family. It only takes a few minutes and there will be hugs and smiles and that warm feeling because you have just connected with someone who can understand you and what you have gone though, because they have had the same experience

    That hit me so hard that I had to pull off the interstate and stop the truck and just sit there. The tears were flowing and I was overcome with happiness and joy. It just kept hitting me over and over that I had a family, that I belong some where. I had people who where like me. people who would understand me. I wasn't alone any more! I had always felt that I was alone and no one knew what I felt like and what I had experienced. But now I had a whole family that understood what my life had been like. I was totally overwhelmed and just stayed there on the side of the road for a very long time. I was so happy and at the same time a little sad that I had gone through so many years being by myself, alone feeling like no one understood me, thinking that I was the only one who was like this, that I was a mistake and finally that I was not worth living . But that was all gone now, because I had a family and they loved me, someone actually loved and cared about me!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #24 quebec, Mar 1, 2024
    Contented likes this.
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