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Why do I hate being gay

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by hopelesskid, Oct 11, 2018.

  1. hopelesskid

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    I’m really starting to hate myself, my life, my love life. Just anything about me. I hate to be vulnerable. I keep liking/crushing on girls that are already in a relationships. I hate it, it takes me like forever to admit my feelings for someone and tell them I like them. It sucks. I’m 24 years old and never been on a date. It’s sad, it’s like why don’t girls notice me?


    I hide my emotions to protect myself. I mean if I don’t protect myself, who else will? I couldn’t even tell you the last time I cried. I hate that I’m gay, I’ve known since I was 6 years old. Like why can’t I be normal and live a boring life like all the other straight people. I promised myself that I would take this to the grave and never tell my family. Why do gay people have to come out, but straight people don’t? I feel hella uncomfortable when people ask me about my sexual orientation.


    One of the girls I almost dated told me if I was more open, my love life would be better. I hate that she was telling the truth. My friend said I need to go on a dating app, but how? I’m still in the closet. Also my soul would leave my body if I saw someone that knew me and my family. My mom has gay friends, my dad had a gay brother but I feel like having a gay child would hit a different nerve. And once you tell my sister, everyone else in my family is gonna figure out. I don’t know who to be anymore. I’m tired of fighting the gay fight. I’m tired of not having love in my life. Why is my life a paradox?
     
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  2. Devil Dave

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    Your family and friends and people you care about will have your back. But only if they know you are in need of help. If you let people assume everything is fine, then that's what they will do and leave you alone. Being vulnerable and open and honest is a way of increasing trust with people who are close to you. So instead of overthinking people's reactions, I think its time to face the music and come out to your parents. From what you've said about them, they won't react negatively.

    I used to hate the idea of being open about my sexuality, but once i started being more upfront about my sexuality, my relationships and friendships became much stronger, particularly with my colleagues at work. I was recently a victim of a homophobic attack, and my co-workers were all very supportive of me and they comforted me and stood up for me helped me deal with it. I didn't have that kind of support when I was in the closet. Back in my closet days, if someone called me a faggot or bender, I would take it and suffer in silence. Letting all the people I'm close to know that I am gay instead of keeping it a secret and suffering in silence makes all the difference.
     
  3. OGS

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    Nice Dave is right. I came out twenty-five years ago in Utah. There wasn't nearly the support that there is now--most people I knew had never even met anyone who was out before me. Still, even in that setting I can say with confidence being gay is so much harder when you're in the closet...
     
  4. AdityaD

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    I'm sorry but I won't be really helpful to you but there are some things that I'd like to tell you.
    There's no point for hating yourself just because of your sexual orientation. Trust me, after sometime you'd embrace it and would be proud of it.

    A boring life is a boring life. It has got nothing do to with your sexual orientation. I've got some straight friends who are living a more miserable life than mine. Why don't you rather see your life in closet as an adventurous one(see it from a different perspective). Just think that checking out girls in public without getting noticed is an adventurous task. How you've been hiding your sexuality is also an adventurous task. One day all these things would be worth telling a story to other people. Do you really that, had you been straight, you'd have got to experience all these little gay adventurous tasks?

    And there's no need to come out. There's literally no rule book which says that gays have to come out. You could just date a girl and can take her to your home on Christmas or whenever, just like everyone else does and introduce her to family without doing that coming out thing. And even if you do wanna come out, there's no one pressuring you, you can come out anytime, anyday to anyone. It could be tomorrow or 2-3 years. And if you don't wanna come out then there's no problem, you could just introduce your girl to your friends and family like every other straight couple.
     
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  5. Lgbtqpride

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    Romantic love is not that important,you can still make friends with lgbt people.
     
  6. Rade

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    Wow I can relate with regard to work colleagues, since being open, my relationship with my work colleagues has improved considerably. I'm no longer a closed book....
     
  7. Rade

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    I might be wrong but until you accept your sexuality and once you open up eventually to others, it will then become easier for you I'm sure. Once more comfortable your barriers will come down. At that point you may be ready to date and you will feel happier. You have to learn to love yourself. Being straight is probably very boring to be honest. I'm lucky I've had two relationships in my 43 years. One with a man and one with a woman. The straight side was boring believe me, personally being different is exciting and unique . I have a disability, I'm blind in one eye and losing my sight in the other luckily only gradually. I don't see it as a curse . I just make sure I'm a survivor and not a victim.
    I personally feel you will make it soon. It took me till age 42 to accept I'm not straight but I no longer give a fuck......
    Wishing you all the best and I really mean that ..
    Rade XX
     
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  8. Love4Ever

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    *Hugs* I'm where you are. It does suck. Right now I just feel like I hate a lot of things about myself. It's not healthy I know but I think we all go through this sadly. We can find a million things we don't like about ourselves, and therefore a million reasons why people won't like us. We are our own worst critic though. I promise that people don't think as badly of you as you think of yourself. There will be someone for you. I'm 21, never had a first kiss, never went on a proper date, never did a lot of things people did in high school. But it's SO hard. But you have to keep your chin up. :slight_smile: I would date you if I could.
     
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  9. lookingup9

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    Ooh some of this really hit home for me. I'm 21, never dated anyone before. I've actually still never had sex. Only ever kissed one guy and I wasn't attracted to him so it wasn't enjoyable. Like you, I too hate myself haha. I really have a hard time seeing my worth, not because I've never dated anyone but I'm just doing really bad in college and I feel like a failure all the time. I feel like I annoy all my friends.

    I'm just really confused and don't know what I want. I think men are physically attractive and appealing, for example I masturbate to them (sorry if that's tmi haha). so I'm definitely sexually attracted to them at least to some extent. However, I've never developed a really intense, emotional "crush" for a single guy, only an endless series of girls/women from the first time I ever had a crush in 4th grade, still continuing now. I've maybe liked a few guys a little, but I really emotionally connect with women on such another level.

    I'm at the point where I think I really only want a romantic relationship with women but it's so hard to be sure when I haven't actually done it with either! I'm relieved to say I don't "hate" the fact that I'm not straight anymore, although I did my whole life until a few months ago. Everyone keeps telling me my time will come, I'll find "the one", etc. but I'm starting to feel really lonely and deprived. I was never bothered by being single until I actually started coming out and accepting my sexuality. Before that, everything seemed so out of reach I guess. Dating was something other people did. No one would know I was attracted to girls if I didn't date anyone at all, so that's just what I did.

    Now out to most of my friends, I also am not yet out to my parents or any older relatives, only my sister. I don't want to keep hiding from them and at the same time, I cannot bring myself to come out to them. I think you'll feel better if you tell your family, they sound like they're pretty accepting. But of course if you're not ready I obviously get it, because I'm the same.

    I made this picture my avatar because I could see a lot of myself in that character. Thought she was never going to get her chance to have a girlfriend and experience love. But it became possible. I hope that happens for us too:heart:
     
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  10. Love4Ever

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    I understand a lot of what you're saying. I'm attracted to men too, but women? Romantically that's where me real life feelings lie. In fantasy I fall for men but I understand women.
     
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  11. lonewolf79

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    A lot of this hit a nerve with me. I have been out since I was 25. I am now 38. Oddly I regret coming out. It has not been an easy road. My family took it well but that has since changed. I have only had two relationships - first one ended to to him cheating, second was a disaster in so many ways with a little physical abuse thrown in.
    I still find I struggle to accept who I am. Friends know but it's hasn't made the friendships stronger. Colleagues know but again, nothing. I still feel that when I tell someone, the fear always re-surfaces that I will be judged or laughed at.
    I struggle to make LGBT+ friends IRL because I don't know how to act or what to say... and unfortunately the only guys I have met and tried to be friends with (only friends as I have accepted that single for me is just the better choice) have proved to be rather disappointing and we have nothing in common. I was also told once by a very ex-acquaintance. that I shouldn't bother making friends in the community because "everyone knows everyone and it's chaos, and your weight is against you" ... his words. *shock. I have tried to like myself etc but it always ends in tears. SO I focus on work... and hopefully future studies.

    I wish you all the best and I hope you have a better journey than me.

    Sorry I am just venting :frowning2: Nothing really added value... sigh
     
    #11 lonewolf79, Nov 5, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2018
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  12. Love4Ever

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    Wow. I wouldn't listen to that person. If the guys near you are that shallow you don't want to be friends or date them. It sounds like you should make some new friends.
     
  13. lookingup9

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    That's exactly how I feel too! I am sort of able to picture myself being with a faceless, imaginary guy. But if it ever becomes closer to reality, it doesn't actually seem like it's right for me. Like right now, there's this guy I'm getting to know and he's attractive, smart, and super nice, but I just am not developing any desire to be with him in that way.

    I am easily able to picture myself in a relationship with a woman. I get nervous thinking about potentially having sex with a man, like self conscious that I would be too inexperienced. But I feel like with a woman it would just come naturally to me as long as I was attracted to the person.
     
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  14. lonewolf79

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    I tried. It's tough. I sometimes feel like I have no energy left. The shallowness...
    The only shallow I like is the shallow end of a swimming pool... lol