I’m really starting to hate myself, my life, my love life. Just anything about me. I hate to be vulnerable. I keep liking/crushing on girls that are already in a relationships. I hate it, it takes me like forever to admit my feelings for someone and tell them I like them. It sucks. I’m 24 years old and never been on a date. It’s sad, it’s like why don’t girls notice me? I hide my emotions to protect myself. I mean if I don’t protect myself, who else will? I couldn’t even tell you the last time I cried. I hate that I’m gay, I’ve known since I was 6 years old. Like why can’t I be normal and live a boring life like all the other straight people. I promised myself that I would take this to the grave and never tell my family. Why do gay people have to come out, but straight people don’t? I feel hella uncomfortable when people ask me about my sexual orientation. One of the girls I almost dated told me if I was more open, my love life would be better. I hate that she was telling the truth. My friend said I need to go on a dating app, but how? I’m still in the closet. Also my soul would leave my body if I saw someone that knew me and my family. My mom has gay friends, my dad had a gay brother but I feel like having a gay child would hit a different nerve. And once you tell my sister, everyone else in my family is gonna figure out. I don’t know who to be anymore. I’m tired of fighting the gay fight. I’m tired of not having love in my life. Why is my life a paradox?