Why do I always attract people who are not emotionally available?

It's hard to say with the context you provided so far. I don't want to give you advice that may be way off the mark. Can you give us a more detailed rundown of how a typical exchange transpires with the women you show interest in?

 

Ah yes. When I first started dating a long time ago, I was very much dubbed a nice guy. I have always treated women with kindness and respect, but like you many women would be initially interested and quickly fall for guys who were complete jackasses. It was perplexing because I was a nicer person by far, and it led to a lot of inner turmoil. A few years later I overheard some girls ridiculing me behind my back and talking about how pitiful nice guys are. I'll spare you the scarring details but I'll tell what I learned from it and additional details I have gathered since then.

So basically being nice to some girls, (even in an ordinary sense), sends the same vibes as a people pleaser at worst - or comes off as boring and lame at best. It is too easy and not challenging or interesting enough for them to pursue someone who is a sweetheart. They want excitement, the thrill of the chase, confidence, assertiveness, and bravado. Jackasses will be jackasses, but they have those traits going for them despite their demeanor. So being nice and considerate in a relationship isn't really a primary trait they're looking for. It is just not enough in many cases, and you have to bring more to the table than just a moral compass to peak their interest. So I just forgo the niceties and lead in with my personality and confidence. Without niceties you may come off as abrasive from time to time but they like the challenge. I'm not sure how well my male experience translates to a Lesbian one, but that is how I have come to understand the game even though I don't like it. Women may be sweet and nice, but it's not necessarily what they're attracted to. Women are super indirect and that's part of the reason I'm more attracted to Men lol.
Also some girls see being nice as the perfect cover for ulterior motives. Oftentimes they met at least one creep who did just that, and now it sends off warning bells even if someone does have genuine motives. They may also have never met people who go out of their way to be nice and helpful. So it throws them off and leads them to doubt their intentions. However when you are being nice or kind to someone there is no intention behind it. You're just being nice because it's the right thing to do, and it drives them crazy trying to deduce an intention where there is none to be discovered.

When you say your Bi friend who flirted with you was touchy, I'm assuming you mean she was very physically affectionate. I may be wrong so if that's not the case then disregard what I'm going to write here. So the affection she shared with you may have only seemed minimal to her even though it felt more substantial to you. I've had a few girls put their hands all over me and was surprised when they suddenly lost interest and stopped flirting with me. I confronted one of the girls and asked what happened and told her she was sending me mixed signals because she couldn't keep her hands off of me before. She told me in a very rude manner that it was a normal amount of physical affection to her but only seemed like more to me, because I didn't have that much experience. She wasn't right but she wasn't wrong either. I think your friend dropped the ball and wasn't sure how to break the news to you and should have done it much sooner. It's complicated when you try to date friends or coworkers. often times when things don't work out they ghost you or avoid you like the plague, because it's easier than contending with any hint of drama or awkwardness.

All of those rejections you experienced will always suck and I've experienced each scenario you described. I'm sorry you went through all that. I regret to inform you that it is just par for the course unfortunately. The dating scene is like a rosebush. You can't get a rose without going through some thorns. It comes with the territory. Hopefully my insight can be useful to you even though I'm just a dude.

 

Thank you for the kind words. I feel as you do. I can't be anything more or less than a decent person. Hopefully one day I'll find my Mr. Nice guy.

Understanding the dating game is half the battle and the other half is forging your own path. You have most of it down already. You'll pick up finesse and tips along the way.