1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Why Bisexuals Feel Ignored

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by whistle1, Jun 14, 2019.

  1. whistle1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2018
    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    48
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
  2. DecentOne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2017
    Messages:
    757
    Likes Received:
    398
    Location:
    East Coast US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi whistle1,

    I remember reading the article. It made me a little afraid of how I might be treated, but so far I’m not finding resistance to my being bisexual in any of the groups I’m hanging out with. The men’s group changed some of their vocabulary so it would work (rather than just using “gay”) for example.
     
  3. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Pride festivals can really bring out gay people's ugly side.

    A lot of them go to these events to basically brag about their sexuality, and having all these drag queens on stage making overly sexual jokes only encourages them further to be more shallow and obnoxious.

    Gay men are probably horrible to bisexuals because they take it as an attack against their sexuality if you are attracted to both men and women. "what? you like women as well? then you're not a proper gay man and you shouldn't be here with us."

    I'm not bisexual, but even as a gay man I find other gay men very difficult to get along with. They're constantly putting each other into categories, based on how skinny or muscular or chubby you are, what age bracket you fit into and the type of clothing you wear, and even whether you're a top, bottom or versatile. So its not really a surprise that homosexuals treat bisexuals poorly when they're already so damn picky about what gay people they want to associate with.
     
  4. DecentOne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2017
    Messages:
    757
    Likes Received:
    398
    Location:
    East Coast US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So far I haven’t experienced this. Gay guys have been very supportive to me. The ones who made remarks about me being bisexual were saying something like “sure he can hang with us, he can understand” or something else non-rejecting. Of course my situation may be different, in that I’m looking for friends and not lovers.

    I wonder if those who react negatively are like recently ex-smokers (or newly anything) — it is a part of their hard-won achievement and an attempt to shore up their pride in themselves?

    I also remember reading (maybe Cass?) early research which suggested that the process for gay folks has a step of rejecting their old (not-fitting) love of folks from other genders. Other researchers suggest Bisexuals don’t have to do that step, instead bisexuals reinterpret and reintegrate all the pieces as being part of their whole.

    On this forum I love the way @Contented speaks about waking up to how love of a man was eye-opening and just so right, and is honest about how attraction to women just fell away — it fits the process of gay development, but doesn’t bash anyone (hetero or bisexual). When reading him (or others finding eye-opening love/attraction to same-sex persons) it gives me a glimpse of what my bisexual side could include, without negating or taking away from my love of my wife.
     
  5. alwaysforever

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,148
    Likes Received:
    167
    Location:
    Maine
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think one of the reasons that bisexuals get treated badly is that some of the most painful experiences gay and lesbian individuals go through are mistakenly placed on bisexuals through a lack of understanding.

    Having feelings for someone who doesn't know what they want yet can lead to all sorts of situation that are emotionally painful. The logical leap to attributing these traumas to bisexuality is common. It's also deeply wrong. Bisexuals aren't confused, and assuming they will behave the same way as someone who is figuring things out is hurtful.
     
  6. DirectionNorth

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2017
    Messages:
    467
    Likes Received:
    48
    Location:
    Location
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Or, on dating sites, all of the bisexuals who are trying to get lesbians in a threesome with their boyfriend, not realising lesbian means not into your boyfriend. But they hassle lesbians REGARDLESS.
     
  7. imagirl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2019
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Near San Francisco
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I look at sexuality as something people both learn and feel a preference for, and then try to find partners that appeal. Beyond those who know they are B, the people who are questioning are functionally or temporarily bisexual, and therefore appear unreliable in terms of long term relationships, whether you are gay or straight. I think people prefer to feel that they will only be judged as sex partners against people of their same sex. A male doesn't want to be in competition with females for the sexual desire of a female, for example.

    I also think the fact of bisexuality is pretty common, but suppressed by most people in themselves, so they don't like people to be free about that.

    I think the cure is not to lead with bisexuality as a label,since monogamy is what works best for the sexual part of relationship. If we are attracted to someone, we show it, and you don't have to explain. If someone has known you as straight and you are dating gay, then they already know the answer anyway!
     
  8. Arwen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2019
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    When it comes to anything, people will act controversially. I haven't had much of a chance to see people's reaction since I'm still a "baby gay", but from to few people I've told face to face I've gotten some shocked people, accepting people, and this one guy who was stupid and said he understood cause he'd seen girls make out at parties to get guys attention and he assumed that's what I meant. Everyone has a different opinion and I don't think you can say any one type of person will feel a certain way.
     
  9. Ailena2493

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2019
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Indiana
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    When I thought I was bisexual for ten years , I remembered suffering in the dating department due to men wanting threesomes or more , or their girlfriends wanting a polyamory triad .



    I was in a poly triad twice as a bisexual and I Hated it personally . But if your bi and poly more power to you . Having people give you respect for you and your sexuality is the hard part .


    Having dated three bisexual girls ,both of which used me for their boyfriends and a girl had me as a rebound , as a newly out Lesbian , I do experience some biphobia .

    but I’m trying to envision what I myself felt years ago when I thought I was bi.


    would I want to do that behavior to someone else ?


    No , I wouldn’t .


    So I am open to dating Asexuals , Pansexuals , bisexuals , and lesbians . But they have to be female . I can’t date a trans woman I just can’t .

    But I will keep a open mind to bisexuals and other not well known sexualities .


    After all, I was there once . I’ve learned to look past my phobic feelings :slight_smile:
     
  10. Benway

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    952
    Likes Received:
    64
    Location:
    Interzone
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    See, this is a reaction I find odd, that gay men are excluding bisexuals and ostracizing them for not being 'true homosexuals.'

    I call myself bisexual sometimes to make me feel better about myself because you can be bisexual and still have a heteronormative relationship--something I desire deeply. But I'm not really into women at all most days and I'm just willing to pretend that I am so I can think of myself as being able to one day hold down that heteronormative relationship I desire.