When did you know you were gay

I knew from birth that I was gay. Indeed, I was a "daddy's boy." Anyone could tell that mommy and daddy were confused by this. That began some first pangs of guilt, and then people informed me that I was in need of some sort of repair. My first true relationship, however, drove mommy, daddy and baby from town, because I was the seven-year-old "girl" of a nine-year-old boy whose father was a Good Ole Texas Style Southern Baptist Pastor. (We were caught being much more than merely romantic on the roof of the Baptist church, and we thought that we were well-hidden. Guess not!)

Day

 

I still am not sure I'm gay, or bi, or just attracted to certain people. But as a complete newbie to "ALL THIS" here's now I knew...

I went out for dinner with a girl friend I had gone out with before. There were no 'sparks' before, I just thought she was a fascinating person, and knew she swung both ways, and being a flirty person I started flirting. The problem/solution happened when she started flirting back!

Well, I thought she was cute and all, but I always thought girls were hotter than guys. I thought that's what everyone thinks. I wanted to sleep with her but I had to convince myself to do it over the course of a week or two. I kept thinking it would be awkward, I wouldn't know what I was doing, and would end with both of us frustrated and never speaking again. I was confused mentally and physically, but felt this draw to her.

Once we got started though, all my fears went away. I felt like I belonged there, and now I have to deal with whatever that means. Hello EC forums!!

 

I knew I was gay two months ago after dealing with "maybe" and "why can't I just stop (fantasizing about guys)" for years. I decided to read some books and spend time on web sites learning about the journey. When I finally decided I was gay and looked in the mirror and said it to myself a tremendous weight was lifted.

 

Chicago blue did the same thing with the mirror. It was so liberating.

 

Amen. Now I say it at least once a day and it feels sooo good.

 

Now that I think back on it, it was as a young teenager, possibly 13 or 14. I worked as a page in the library and when doing the shelving, moving, weeding, or cleaning; I would *linger* on particular sections, such as art history for instance. Needless to say, they didn't get much attention, despite how much time I spent .

 

I first felt attracted to women when I was 13-14 years old, but I didn't understand what's happening to me, I was living in a society where being gay was a crime, and in a family where sex and even love were considered taboo, never talked about.

So I felt ashamed of my feelings and managed apparently to tuck them down into my subconscious for a while. I don't remember feeling sexually attracted to men, it is weird to talk about this, but somehow I was attracted to the idea of sex, not to men, but as sex was expected to happen with a man, so I wanted to be with men. I think I managed to confuse the hell out of myself with this. Then I was wondering why other people are so into sex and why they are talking about feeling connected with the other person when having sex. And what is that "when you love someone, sex is different" thing anyway...

But all my life I felt different, I just didn't put a label on it until around 18, when it was more like "I can't be gay because...". And I told this to myself until around two months ago.

Now I feel like, I'm gay, but I was socialized straight...So what am I? :bang: