It affected me too. My wife and kid were out of town that weekend and I was home alone. Though I spent it doing a lot of nothing, I briefly considered a night out on the town at a gay bar. I could very easily have been at Pulse that night and been a survivor - or victim. The thought chilled me the next day. Pulse changed something within me. I bought a One Orlando shirt and wear it regularly with (pun intended) pride, but more importantly, after Pulse I decided I would never again lie to someone and say I am straight when I am not. I think Pulse was the event that caused me to want to change the status quo life I've been living these last eight years. Rob ride:
For me, it took a good friend to ask me. We had been talking about my lack of interest in men and earlier I had mentioned my trigger in passing (probably gushing about her, in retrospect), so she said "maybe you're gay". And for the first time ever I spoke about it out loud. After that, it took me about two months to fully accept it myself before telling anyone else.
For me it was on my year 9 ski trip. I was staying up late with someone from my class who I'd never really spoken to before as we both had insomnia. As it was late we were both a bit more open in our discussion and he admitted to me that he thought me might be trans masculine and that he was gay and his confession made me feel inspired so I decided to tell him I felt the same way. This was the first time I'd said anything along those lines out loud. Hearing myself say it out loud was just a turning point to me as I felt that I suddenly fit in.
when i first had thoughts of girls, i started panicking to be honest. but then i realized there was no escape. and no matter how much i tried to be in love with a boy, i just couldn't. it took a long time, but i started embracing that fact &&&&& here i am today!
I grew up in a very Christian environment, and my faith is still the most important thing in my life. From studying scripture and not just listening to conservative jargon, I came to the conclusion that the issue of whether the Bible supports or condemns loving, committed, homosexual relationships can be more complex than some people claim to admit. A case can be made that a homosexual union between two committed individuals is not a sin. However, after much more study and prayer, I came to the conclusion for myself that God was calling me to a life of celibacy. I did however get to a point where I had to acknowledge that I had a gay orientation. I'm okay with the reality that I find guys attractive. For myself, I have accepted that. However, I have decided to submit those feelings to God and act on them in the way in which He is directing me. In the process, I have learned to rely more on Him and less on myself. So I have for the most part made peace with my sexual orientation.
Hunter8, you may want to check out Matthew Vines' God and the Gay Christian for a scripture based approach to the subject. Vines argues that, like so many topics in the past, the Church is wrong in its teachings. Not to hijack the thread; hope this helps. Rob
Yes, Rob, thank you. I have read a lot of what Matthew Vines has to say on the subject. He makes some good points, though I disagreed with his take on a few points. He's very intelligent though, I'll give him that. As you said above, I don't want to go too off-topic here, but thank you again for your recommendation. I've never stopped researching this subject, as I of course have a vested interest in it both spiritually and personally.
Yes! the more i accepted that I was gay the more my distant/unsatisfying relationships with women made sense. When I compared the intense feelings I had for men with what i felt about women it was pretty hard to remain in denial. But when you have nothing to compare it to, you might convince yourself that 'well everyone's like that'. but accepting that i was gay gave me something to dream about and work towards that I actually wanted.
LoneWolf79, I'm far from living my true self yet, as I'm only out to 1 person. But I think acceptance and coming out fully to yourself is more important, and vital. Don't worry about being completely out or not. Everyone's circumstances are different and only you know when it's safe for you to come out. You will get there my friend. Please don't say you want to "fade away." Your words, no matter how brief, show me you are kind and sensitive, and probably an incredible and unique being. We need you on this planet, and more like you. Please don't hesitate to write when feeling down. Write on my wall if you like. You will find true happiness on your journey...there's reason to hope. ♥♥♥
There was really no one set point to when I truly accepted it to myself. Just kinda happened over time.
The day I "came out" to myself was when I finally got ANGRY at myself for staying in a loveless, abusive relationship with a man for 19 years. He has been so cruel to me for so long, and I accepted it so passively. I married him, we had a child, and everything. One day this February, I just sort of had a mental breakdown. I was overcome with sadness and anger over the whole thing, and had the thought... "What the hell is wrong with me?!" I thought back to my life before this man and how I was SO NOT INTO dating and how he was my first and only sexual partner, and how I had so many problems in my friendships with women, and it all just kind of *clicked*. I was sitting in a coffee shop thinking all this, and I saw a lesbian couple sitting together, and I was like, OMG, that's me! Never had a moment's doubt since. My husband seemed relieved when I asked for a divorce. We are in the process.
For me, what started the questioning was a friend of mine coming out, we are about the same age (30) and that's when I realised people can come out at any age. It took 12 months after that of denial before I realised I've most likely been gay or bi my entire life.
Near to every one of your experiences is so close in so many instances to my own. It is so intensley personal and yet here eah of us are ipening up with someting intimate as our sexuality. Thank you everyone. Beautiful.
I have a different take than most, I think. I play with boys like me when I was 7-8. Then I stopped. I focused on girls in Junior high school and forgot all about boys. Then at 15 a guy (10 yrs. older) introduced me to man-man play. When he touched my penis I was in heaven. When he suggested I do the same to him I enjoyed that too. After I came I was really happy and a little confused. By this time I had touched a girl and it got me stimulated. I humped a girl and I came. Now this guy is providing direct contact that is better than anything I had experienced. I was lucky enough to play with this guy for 15 more years on and off. I got married and had kids but I still played with him. I guess you could say by 16 I knew I liked both and did not stop and still enjoy it thoroughly.
