What the hell happened to dating?!

Bloody hell, I love this Thread, I think exactly the same.
I dont know whats wrong with MOST of Gay guys, they just wanna hook up Lol.

Maybe Im a Weirdo, IDK, but I HONESTLY prefer talking, walking and doing whatever activity than having Sex.

Hopefully someday I'll find a "Partner/Companion" (I love these words) to share experiences, thoughts, life, etc.

 

I'd have to agree that I also prefer being single. A little back story, I was 19, when I got into my first serious relationship and it lasted for many years. In that particular relationship, I felt trapped; pretty much, I don't want to feel burdened and I often feel like that in my relationships. Because honestly, I am emotionally unavailable due my daily life, and adding someone else to equation can cause a huge distraction for me. I want someone who understands that, but a lot of people do not.

While hooking up is easy, a lot of people are not shy about having sex on the first, second or third date.

I will say though, that I dated my "hookups" for at the least 6 months to a year. Idk, after a while, I tend to lose interest :sleep: :dry:

That's when I figured that they aren't boyfriend/girlfriend material, even though I know that's totally backwards. I'm sure a lot of people wait until they're official with someone before they have sex, but to each their own, I suppose.

 

Actually, I think there is probably just as many people who do it your way as the other way. i would not call that backwards. While people do get to know one another on heteronormative type dates, I personally view these more as job interviews and those dating try and be on their best behavior. When you are both dating and being intimate, each party is expressing themselves at their core and I believe you learn a lot more about each other. Granted, some can argue that even then your on your "best behavior", but it does present a deeper emotional connection.

 

After unexpectedly finding myself single at 44, I've learned a few things over the past five years:

1. Dating is a numbers game. Regardless of how you "source" your dates (social events, bars, online) or screen your dates, finding someone you mutually click with is not predictable. The only consistently reliable way to find a match sooner rather than later is to meet more people.

2. Rejection is awesome. This was my most difficult lesson. I couldn't understand how I could have a really solid first date with many guys and then get the brush-off thereafter. I've since learned to respect their judgement. If a guy isn't totally into me, I'm so GRATEFUL that he didn't lead me on by being wimpy or passive or too nice. This concept really clicked for me when I sympathy-dated someone for a few months. There was nothing wrong with the guy, I liked him as a person, and he REALLY liked me, so I kept saying yes when he'd ask me out. I hoped I'd develop stronger feelings for him but I never did. In comparison, the guy I'm seeing now and I had an amazing connection even before we met. Our first date was spectacular. Those were night and day experiences. It's tough to be rejected by good guys because the connection isn't instantly electric, but it's far worse to date a guy you think is into you when he's only lukewarm about it.

3. Expectations aren't helpful. Dinner is dinner. Coffee is coffee. A hike is a hike. A hook-up is a hook-up. Should anything really good happen while you're eating, drinking, hiking or hooking-up - that's pure luck. Mutual attractions can't be predicted. When they happen, things progress naturally, regardless of what your expectations might be. When the match is a good one, you can't really help yourselves! On the other hand, high expectations are a set-up for disappointment. It's almost unavoidable.

4. Avoiding hook-up apps puts you farther from your goal. (See #1.) Hook-ups don't appeal to me at all but I had many more good conversations on hook-up apps than dating apps. Just because someone is on a hook-up app doesn't mean they'll only meet you for sex. I suggest making no assumptions and just make it a goal to meet as many new people as you can.

5. Expect to be single for the rest of your life. Success is not guaranteed and cannot be predicted. Good looks, a great body, an engaging personality and an inquisitive mind are all sought-after qualities but they'll only get you the first few dates. After that, if the connection isn't naturally there, none of those terrific qualities will help you. In the meantime, if you want to be happy and fulfilled, focus on filling your free time with people and activities you genuinely enjoy. Live a full life as a single person, 'cuz you could easily be awesome and still be single for life.

It took me five years to meet someone awesome who thinks I'm awesome too. The day before he first messaged me was just like all the days before it. I had no clue my destiny would flip so dramatically in a day....so...do your best not to be discouraged. Given enough prospects and enough time, you will be successful. You'll just never be able to predict when or how it will happen.

 

I am one who does believe apps can be used to find dates if, as you say, precautions are taken. As Cameron also says, playing the numbers does ensure the highest chances of success. So try and learn to get comfortable exploring other avenues, whether in a school setting, work, or simply waiting for a bus.

 

I think we become highly critical of others. Years ago, there was more social interaction, face to face. Now with the social media, there is less face to face stimuli.

My ideal first date, is a picnic in the park, with Frisbee throwing or some ball playing.

Under the blue skies, there is a lot to be happy about and you will discover the deeper thoughts about the other.