I've been seeing a therapist for being Trans female and pretty much determined I'm more Trans feminine. No hormones for me. I'll deal with my male body. But am I sure I'm only attracted to females? I had a supervisor that was very fit, and very male. He was a very good-looking 24-year-old. Oof! I also, prior to getting married, got experimental with a gay man. He treated me like a lady, as I remember, bringing me coffees and an occasional gift. I liked it, but he want my type, and also living with another man which caused me to break it off. Now that I'm being more honest with myself, I think of these things with different lenses. I love my wife, but she can't deal with me being Trans feminine. I like women, but I can't see myself with another woman. at least a cisgender woman. SOOOOO, I'm now wondering if I'm not into guys. My wife, just before work, said that she'll always love me, but she can't live like this (me being more and more feminine by the day). Said we would always be friends. How do I know if I'm not a very feminine gay man? I find women attractive but also very masculine, but not macho, men. How do I know?
You say "Trans feminine" like it's different from "feminine". Is there a difference, really? Also, it seems like maybe you're conflating sexuality and gender a bit. My understanding is that transwomen are just as likely to be attracted to men, to other women, or to both as any other woman is. So if you've found women attractive, I'd say that has little to do with your gender, and just with who you're attracted to. If you've found some men attractive, again, less to do with your gender, and just the fact that you're not completely gay. Nothing whatsoever wrong with being a bisexual woman, y'know (trans or otherwise *smile*). Either way, hopefully your therapist will be able to help you figure out whether you're a feminine gay man or whether you are actually a transwoman. Good luck in any case!
Well, there's a difference in being able to recognize someone of any sex is attractive, and genuinely being attracted to them. How many gay men and lesbians have commented that someone outside of their orientation catches their eye, yet they would never even dream of sleeping with them? The thing is, even the most queeniest, effeminate gay men are perfectly content with being men/male, and although I'm sure there have been those who questioned their gender before, they're probably not representative of most. The dynamics between two gay men is also quite different from that between a straight man and a straight trans woman, and I think some people pick up on this, subconsciously. Have you thought that maybe your discomfort being involved with cis women might be related to your own gender issues? For me, anyway, it came from both the expectation most women have of being "the man" in the relationship, combined with feeling envy of what they had. Consider that gay men are attracted to others who identify and present as men, so if you're thinking of transitioning, you might want to navigate around a bit, first.
Y'know? There really isn't a difference is there? I am feminine; guess the"Trans" part from the fact that I was male assigned at birth. As it stands now, I don't feel the need for medical intervention to make my body feminine. Does that make me woman or man? I'm OBVIOUSLY not put off by anyone "queer" as I definitely identify as such. So I guess the only way to figure out the last piece of what makes me "me" is just to let myself be, with no prejudice as to who that really is. Let myself just be. Sound about right? I just wish this would've all come about before I got married and had kids. But then I wouldn't have my kids either. I just don't know ...
Hmmm... I am a gay male. Men turn me on. I can point out a pretty woman based on what society taught me was "beautiful" in a woman but I don't care, don't appreciate their beauty. May as well be choosing a prize pig (cuts both ways gay/lesbian). I am sure many lesbians could express the same about men.
Skiff, insightful as usual. and well worded. Let me ask you this ... Personally, would you be attracted to a person that identified as male, but wore misses attire? I guess you'd say crossdress in that case. I guess put another way, would you be attracted to a very effeminate male? Think Albert in "The Birdcage" with Robin Williams.
Emma I wouldn't but it has nothing to do with the gender or gay/straight thing. It's a question of preferences. Like whether you like bears, twinks, women with make up, women with long hair etc. IMHO. edit: I wouldn't unless it was my longtime partner and they suddenly changed. The partnership and our history would make me be willing to try.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I was thinking last night that, maybe I'm just spending too much time in my own head, trying to fit some stupid labels that just don't need to be fit. I should just define myself, go with what seems right, and, I guess, screw the rest. Yeah, just let it go where it will.
Lol! Good to know I'm in good company! It's just that I'm in a very heteronormative and conservative area of the country and largely queer-unfriendly. Got me trying to rationalize myself, but thanks to all you fabulous, anonymous people here, I'm noticing it's okay to be me.(*hug*)
