I am FtM transgender, and I pass pretty well... with little kids that is. I came over to a family dinner at my grandma's house. My aunt recently got a new boyfriend and he had two kids one 11 and one 7. I stayed there for a week. They kept addressing me as he and him and it felt great. But halfway between my stay, my aunt corrected them and told me I was a girl and addressed me as "baby girl" Which is already embarrassing enough. I tried to play it cool like it was funny and asked them if they really thought I was a boy. But anyways it has gotten really bad lately. I feel so dysphoric that I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not out to anyone yet. I told my friends that I was gay, but that was before I knew and It is killing me not to say anything to them. I can't even sleep most night because I am so uncomfortable. It's even weird things like not having an adam's apple and my voice. I have a flat chest, so if I wear even a little baggy shirts I pass pretty fine, but the moment you here my voice, you can tell I'm a girl. But also I walk around with a humback just incase you can see anything protruding. I also tend to with not even me noticing, grabbing the skin around my neck, It mostly is just covering it up, but sometimes I pull at it. Am I being silly? Or how can I come out to my friends/family? My family( besides my brother and sister) don't even know I like girls. I already dress pretty tomboyish, but I always get crap from my mom. She thinks I do it to like show people off that girls can wear anything they want, but she tell me that I'm excessive, and that my short hair is enough. when I got my hair cut the fist thing she told me was that I had to wear more feminine thing so I didn't look like a guy. Plus the girl doing my hair did a terrible job. She was so worried that I was going to look like a boy. And my mom literally said to her that I am "going through a phase" and she said afterwards "Don't worry, you still look like a girl. (Sorry I just realized how long this post is.)
I don't really know what to advise here, do you think if you did come out you would get an okay reaction from your family? If you can, I'd say tell your friends or whoever it's safe to without people who you don't want to find out finding out. I say this because having other people address you how you know you are can really help to relieve dysphoria (as you're aware based on your experience with younger family members) and hopefully make you feel slightly better until you work up the courage to do more about it, if that's what you do wish anyway. Also when I first got my haircut my mum said the same thing so I get how joyful that can be (sarcasm), but in reality she can't be completely correct or you wouldn't pass some of the time so don't worry about it. If you need to talk to someone though you can post a message on my wall. Wishing you the best.
Right before I came out as genderqueer, I was in a similar place. My dysphoria was just getting too much for me and I couldn't keep who I was down anymore. I'm still not completely sure if in genderqueer or FTM, but coming out was still a huge relief. Of course, you have to take into account your situation before you come out. While coming out is wonderful, it often isn't an option for young people because of their environment. I don't know your whole situation, but your mom seems like she just doesn't understand what you're going through. From what you've said, I get the impression that she'd be confused but accepting. Of course, I don't know everything about your home environment, and only you can decide if you feel safe. If you decide that you're safe enough to come out, I think you should, because it's clearly affecting you negatively to be so deep in the closet. Even if you do decide you can come out, you'll still probably be really scared. And that's okay. I suggest you sit down with your friends first, and tell them how you feel. If you're really scared try writing down what you want to say and reading it off like a script. That's what I did when I came out to my parents. And once you're out to your friends and comfortable with that situation for a while try coming out to your family if you are able. Sorry if this wasn't helpful. -Sawyer
