Hey you all, Im a 19year old guy. Studying psychology. 4 weeks ago i broke up with my girlfriend whom i had a relationship with for 3 years. We broke up because our relationship changed in a friendship, i stopped feeling the real love. We never had sex because she felt she didnt was ready for it (she had a depression) i really disliked that but i loved her a lot so i accepted it. I always did feel the urge for sex. I did pleasure her, i really liked that and also got aroused from it. But the never gave me satisfaction in any sexual form. After the breakup I felt pretty shitty for a few days. After that i felt pretty ok and started looking to other girls and fantasising. But about a week ago i found myself looking at the butt of a guy on tv (football). I paniced. I also mentioned later that suddenly al my feelings and urges for girls were gone and paniced even more. All my life i (litteraly)dreamed of (kissing/having sex with/marrying) woman and also masturbating to woman. But suddenly i cant get aroused in any way. And my mind goes from being fully sure im hetero -> really thinking im gay and back. All week long. I have never liked or felt sexually attracted to guys. I still dont feel the need to do anything with them. But i feel different around them suddenly. I feel i'm controlling myself by looking at them and checking my feelings after that. But my feelings for girls are also gone. Can anyone please tell me whats going on? I just want to be straight like i always was/(am?) I would like to add that i have absolutely nothing against gay people.
you know what...sexuality is like eating some food you love: sometimes you love chocolate ice cream but sometimes you enjoy more vanilla icecream and hate chocolate ice cream. Just enjoy the pleasure your body can get with the different tastes Maybe your ex girlfriend caused you a "trauma" about women becuase you mind associate that streess with all of them. Just try to feel relax about your sexuality about men and women and enjoy it
This is very interesting, since after my first (but short) relationship with a girl ended, I also found myself questioning my sexual orientation. Right now I'm fully inclined to believe I'm gay (since fantasizing involves men most of the time now, before women also got me off). I am definitely NOT saying that my case applies to you, since that is highly unlikely. While some may say that pornography in general doesn't prove your orientation, it does help you discover it. If you avoid watching porn, try fantasizing about both genders. I think that'll help you give some answers; not all of them, but some at the very least.
Thanks a lot for your answers! I indeed think it might be a reaction to the breakup with my first real girlfriend. I'm trying to relax and stay calm but find myself craving an answer. I tried fantasising about both men and woman, but at the moment they both don't get me aroused. (anxiety, pressure?) I still see my future with a woman but just the feelings are gone. Maybe im sort of shattered into pieces after the breakup and lost myself. And will i need to find myself again. But how? 2 Days ago i chatted with a nice good looking girl who was clearly bootycalling me. I really really liked when she did that and also my self esteem went up (ive been pretty insecure the last years) but i didn't get aroused. And i'm pretty sure that i normally would have been. I just dont understand sh#t about myself at the moment.
Failure always makes you question who you are, and what you did. You are thinking to much about it, near obsessing about it. Put it out of your mind for a while, and don't make any decisions about who you are based on your fears. If you aren't attracted to men, you can still appreciate a nice tight end, or flat, ripped stomach. There's beauty in the human form, and I don't think appreciating it makes your sexual orientation any different. I'm guessing you have counselors available to help with this. Talking about it with a professional may help you. It has helped me a great deal in the last several months, as I've started accepting who is inside of me coming out.
Because you're not sexually aroused by men when you think about them, I have a tendency to think that the break up's just been hard on you and you need time to move on. Let it go and see what happens.
Oh yeah, and there are many things that effect performance and arousal. The stress of the breakup, school, etc. Don't beat yourself up because you are feeling asexual at the moment. Give yourself a break from even thinking about it. You don't have to be in a rush for answers. I'm not always aroused by either sex when thinking about particular individuals. In person, whole different story most of the time.
