What IS Bisexuality?

Definitions vary.

I define bisexuality as the potential to be romantically and/or sexually attracted to people of any and all genders and/or sexes. One may have an inclination towards (a) particular gender(s)/sex(es), or away from (a) particular one(s), and the strength of inclinations in any and all directions may change, but as long as there is the potential to be attracted to more than one gender and/or sex at some points, one is bi, though the label should not be forced on anyone.

There, that was my definition trying to leave no wriggle room. Let's think more practically now. Bisexuality is usually a constant state, though like all orientations (and perhaps more than being gay/straight) it can change. Few people flip-flop between liking guys and girls, and if they only ever like one and not the other, I would count them as fluid rather than bisexual, unless they want to identify as bi.

Just because one has the potential to be attracted to a wider variety of people doesn't mean one is always attracted to everyone, of course. I think it's the potential being there that's more important than actual attraction happening (though without the attraction figuring out whether you're bi will be a pain). If I'm in a relationship with a girl, that's enough for me, and I don't need a guy as well. Some bisexuals are in polyamorous relationships with members of several genders/sexes, but they are a minority.

That was some info; if you ask more specific questions, I can try and give my perspective on them. Good luck with figuring yourself out!

 

I think that it's possible to be fluid, but also there is another way to look at it.

If we move away from sexual orientation for a moment and look at other preferences. Say tea and coffee. Some people like one or the other. Some like both.
Out of those who like both, some might prefer one to the other, others might simply go for either without thinking about it.

It is possible though, to go through a time where one only chooses to drink coffee, and not be in the mood for tea.


This is only an analogy, and a highly simplified one. But it might get the idea across.

It could be wrong, but it's only my opinion.

 

I'm not sure how well-known or respected Robyn Ochs would be on EC, but I like her quote on bisexuality best, since it covers most points and is very straightforward:

DEFINITION OF BISEXUALITY: I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted - romantically and/or sexually - to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree."

Bisexuality is an attraction to both sexes. That's it. Of course, being such a large 'gray' area, it's tricky determining what exactly should count as bisexuality. For me, if you show any genuine sexual or romantic attraction toward members of both genders, you have bisexual tendencies. Acting on these attractions isn't necessary - at some point, you come to realize the difference between 'bicurious' and 'bisexual'. When you're positive it's there, it's probably there. No one tells heterosexuals they must have sex with someone of the opposite sex to be sure they're actually straight, and this is no different.

Now, not everyone will choose to identify as bisexual, and that's well within their rights. You hear stories of men who have identified as heterosexual for decades, falling in love with women, having sex with women, never questioning, until they have an epiphany - they're attracted to men. A lot will go on to identify as strictly 'gay', some admitting it wouldn't be impossible to have relations with a woman again, or that sex with women isn't unbearable. This is bisexuality in my eyes.

Not everyone is aware of these attractions, though; some even go their entire lives unaware. Truth be told, the bisexual label itself isn't well understood by non-bisexuals. For a lot of people, it's associated with promiscuity, STDs, gay men in denial, attention-seeking girls, and confusion, to name a few. So you can see why many actual bisexual people aren't lining up to adopt the label, and if they do, not to announce it carelessly. That's where it's our responsibility to educate the masses, one story at a time.

For me, my preferences are relatively stable, around 60-40, though it does shift slightly one way or another now and then. I also look for different traits in men and women, for instance, I wouldn't look for curvy hips on a man or a stubble on a woman! Though, some things are turn ons no matter the sex, such as intelligence, a wicked sense of humor, and health consciousness. Dynamics are also different - for instance, the whole 'top-bottom' situation wouldn't even come up in a traditional heterosexual pairing, just as pregnancy would be a non-issue in a homosexual relationship.

Though at the moment my preference is women, I would never dream of leading a gay man on or using them for sex. The attractions are just every bit as strong as those towards women, even if less common, and I have my 'phases' of noticing, thinking of, and fantasizing of men. If I were to have a relationship with one, I'd put in as much dedication possible, and if it were to ever head that way - choose him as a life partner. Cheating on a girlfriend or wife would never be acceptable, and as long as she was accepting and aware, there wouldn't be a problem. The only difference between a relationship with me and a heterosexual man? I'd notice men from time to time and you'd know it.

Consider it a 'quirk' if that helps, but it's a part of me and it's not going away. Anyone who has an issue with it is better off avoiding me altogether.

 

I really like that definition, so I won't bother with my own.

Bisexuality straddles a wide range of things, from people whose attraction waxes and wanes for a particular gender to those whose attraction is constant. The only attraction that waxes and wanes for me is the attraction I hold for particular individuals, my attraction in regards to genders remains the same.

To paraphrase a commenter who commented on television lesbians: individual bisexual experiences may vary from those mentioned above.

 

Two slightly different definitions: a person sexually attracted to both genders or a person sexually attracted to two genders (not specifically men and women). Whether this manifests in a fluid way or a constant way isn't really relevant; I'm sure you get both, and they'd both be bisexual.

 

Bisexuality means that someone can be sexually attracted to people from both genders. That's it.

There are all kinds of different bisexuals who might go through different experiences. Some may be more attracted to girls, others find guys more attractive and again others may find themselves being attracted to both genders equally.

I have phases when I'm more into girls and I have phases when I'm more into guys but what I find important for defining myself as bisexual is that I have the potential to find people from both genders attractive.

Maybe that helps.

 

Bisexuality is the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender. It is a beautiful thing Be proud!

---------- Post added 2nd Apr 2013 at 02:02 PM ----------

Guizzz stop saying "both genders" this is why we get called Binarists

 

It is an umbrella term that encompasses the grey area between gay and straight. Pretty much what everyone else said, especially the quote by Robyn Ochs. Sums it up nicely

 

Quite frankly, what bisexuality necessarily "is" depends entirely upon your definition. That's just the way it is, I'm afraid. Different people experience it in different ways. For some the attractions sway back and forth between genders constantly, others will be stuck on one gender for a couple of months then suddenly switch, some feel it's 50-50 constantly, etc., etc.