what does Demi- sexual mean?

For those arguing that demisexual is just "special snowflaking," I'm just going to say that a lot of people think being gay is special snowflaking and would rather we be collectively identified as "raging sodomites."

If somebody identifies as demisexual, then I think it's perfectly fine. Labels are not meaningless; the immense comfort in having something to identify with is really important, as we should all know.

There are points where it becomes ridiculous to have labels, such as those who are supposedly exclusively attracted to blonde/blue people*, and there is the incorrect use of labels. But that doesn't nullify the right for a small (but relatively significant) group of people to identify with the term as the best expression of their sexuality.

*Attractions like this seem to be almost entirely due to social conditioning, not an inherent sexuality. Preferring one characteristic to another is normal, but the specifics of attraction are often influenced by what we've been taught to find attractive, and that also usually includes race-specific attraction.

 

^ That's a good way to put it and the last part is especially true.

 

This is why I find the term demisexual to be slightly confusing. If my understanding of demisexuality is correct, it means you're only sexually attracted to someone who you are emotionally attracted to. Is that correct?

If so, how does that prevent a person identifying as heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual? It doesn't seem like these things are mutually exclusive from demisexuality.

Regardless of whether he's on the staff, I reckon Chip is well within his right to say what he has, just as you are well within your right to disagree with him. People aren't going to agree with one another about all things all of the time. It's all about how you say it; about remaining civil.

I don't think Chip was out of line in stating his opinion, but then I've developed a pretty thick skin about this sort of thing over the years. Your mileage may vary.

 

I can't speak for her but maybe she means it makes her feel a little...detached? Even though I wouldn't go as far as saying it's knocked me out of the community, it has made me feel like an outsider at times.

Just like the bolded says, it's how you say it. He is within right to state his opinion, but he hasn't exactly gone about it in a thoughtful manner, as has been made clear.

 

I can definitely empathize with feeling like an outsider. I expect most everyone who posts on this community has gone through that at one point or another. As time goes on, as I get older, it gets easier for me to deal with. Seems less pertinent. But it still occasionally crops up.

I felt he was extremely thoughtful about it -- especially in followup posts -- although I admit that, in this case, I might have a slightly different perspective on what it means to be thoughtful.

I agree that Chip's posts might not come across as being overly sensitive to people's feelings, but I don't think it comes across as deliberately hurtful either. The trouble is that at the end of the day, expressing a dissenting opinion is going to hurt someone's feelings regardless of how you go about doing it.

 

That is correct, and they are not mutually exclusive, however, I feel like an outsider because I do not identify as simply straight, I have the demisexually as part of my idenitity. This may not seem like much but it is enough for me to feel like an outsider at times. Sexual attraction has never been a big deal for me, and this was not really a problem up until college. In high school I was able to blow it off, I was not one of the popular kids, I was in marching, concert/symphonic and pep band, which took up a lot of my time. But in college, namely undergrad, I could not tell you the number of times that I was asked what was wrong with me, because I did not experience sexual attraction. I got asked and told that there was something wrong with me so many times. Which lead to my "friends" assuming that I was actually gay and just in the closet, so they tried to pull me out. They spent for years on their mission. Now I have come to realization that there is a term for how I feel. Which was helpful, but at the same time, I know have to come to terms that I am actually part of the GSM community, after spending 4 years fighting it. Trust me that preys on your soul after awhile, so if I feel like an outsider there is a reason for it.

He has all right to disagree with the identity of Demisexuality, but call it a special snowflake identity in the way that he did, is an insult. EC should be a safe space, people should feel comfortable with how they identity, and not have to defend it or themselves, especially from staff members. The whole asexual identity has to deal with a lot of erasure, and post like the one that Chip made are not helping, if anything they are contributing to the erasure that many asexuals already experience.

 

I agree. And, I personally see the term "demisexual" used more as a modifier to another sexuality, and used to indicate that a romantic interest is generally required for a sexual interest to exist...

 

Well it's enough to feel like an outsider when it comes to being lgbt, but to have stuff like this thrown at us from within...it makes you wonder how we even have a community at times, ya know...(referring to how I've seen multi's feel, etc.)

Thoughtful in the sense of not being too hurtful...maybe. I'm not too sure how I should take it.

Calling us special snowflakes and implying we are a bunch of crazies who are being kept from discovering ourselves(when it's done the opposite), etc. is really uncalled for. I can even refer back to Brad's replies in regards to being asexual.

 

Even if you're demiheterosexual, it's a different experience from 'standard' heterosexuality. Most heterosexuals I know can readily decide, upon looking at a person of the opposite gender for a couple minutes, whether or not the person is sexually attractive. Demisexuals, on the other hand, feel no sexual feelings for strangers - they'd need to know you a long time and care about you as a person to start feeling any sexual attraction.

My parents and their friends, in college, used to sit and watch strangers walk by while discussing how sexually attractive they were. (Two hetero women, a hetero man and a lesbian.) A demisexual would've had nothing to contribute to that conversation, any more than an asexual like me would have.

 

I think these concerns apply to *all* labels, even the standard ones. But to say we shouldn't use the labels as a result is throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

 

I am a Demiromantic Pansexual. Basically this means that I can only feel romantic attraction to someone I've established a close emotional connection with, and I am sexually attracted to people regardless of gender.

 

Apology accepted. If anything I said, seemed rude or abrasive, I also sorry.I felt the need to stand up for myself and the rest of the Demisexual community. This discussion can definitely can be viewed as a learning moment for all parties involved.

 

:lol:

 

I've been wondering if demisexual even counts as a sexuality? I mean, isn't that usually what type of person you're attracted to? WOuldn't demi be more like an add-on?

 

It's more or less a secondary term, like how you can be homo/hetero/bisexual and asexual, which is a point plenty of us have been trying to make.

Compared to how an asexual generally isn't sexually attracted to someone anyways, we aren't sexually interested/attracted to anyone unless we form an emotional(and/or romantic to some) bond with whatever of those three above(or pan) we identify as. It doesn't determine who we are attracted to otherwise in general; that's why it isn't as 'confusing' as some make it out to be/other potentially bizarre labels, imo.

 

That's wherein my initial confusion was rooted. It doesn't strike me as being an orientation in and of itself, but more an additional aspect of whatever sexuality one identifies as.

 

Does anyone know why most straight people don't have a million labels? I can't go anywhere near the lgbt community without seeing people practically wearing t-shirts with their labels. However I have never in my life(aside from this website) come across a straight person that uses labels for every aspect of their sexuality.

I don't mean anything rude or mean by it. I'm just genuinely curious as to why it's such a huge deal in the lgbt community but not the straight? Again I mean no offense to anyone.

 

I've wondered the same thing, Fairy. Typically speaking, I'm happy enough to identify myself as bisexual, even though my preferences are a little more nuanced than that. I like the term pansexual, but it's not something I'm liable to use in everyday life.