what does asexual really mean?

My understanding of asexual is that you feel no sexual attraction to either gender, but can enter into purely romantic relationships.

 

"Asexual" is something of an umbrella term. People usually ID as ace because they have no desire for sex, but some ID as ace because their desire is so weak that it's hardly noticeable. I have a friend who's probably asexual and has a sex life, because it's important to her fiancé and she isn't actively repulsed by it. But she never masturbates and never has; it's something she's only interested in to please her partner.

Which is another distinction between asexuals. Some actively dislike sex, some don't really care. My friend is in the latter category, but plenty of asexuals find sex a bit disgusting or just very, very boring.

Then there's the question of romantic vs aromantic asexuals. Some asexuals (like my friend) desire relationships (she's had a boyfriend--none of whom she slept with till her current bf--pretty much at all times since middle school), others don't. I imagine the romantic asexuals who actively dislike sex have it the hardest emotionally, since almost everyone who wants a romantic relationship wants it to include sex.

I've often wondered what I'd do if I fell in love with an asexual. I'm not sure I'd be up to it. I like sex, and consider it an important part of the bonding process with a romantic partner. If he were really cuddly I might be able to manage it, but I'm not sure. Even if he were just indifferent to sex and were willing to have it, having sex with someone who isn't really into it isn't that fun, if I like a guy, part of my enjoyment of the sexual experience is getting him off, so I really don't know if it could work.

 

I certainly couldn't. I broke up with someone who wasn't asexual, but staunchly believed in waiting until marriage.

For us sexual types, a non-sexual relationship isn't really a relationship so much as a close friendship.

 

That is true for you but that doesn't mean it is true for everyone. I definitely consider myself as a sexual being, but I'm currently engaged in an 11 years relationship with my husband who is asexual. We haven't had sex in a very long time now, and I'm not sure that something that will ever happen again between us, but I can assure you my relationship with my husband has nothing to do with a close friendship. To both of us, it definitely is a marriage and a love relationship.

 

I can get aroused and that when seeing a hot person, but I don't really feel a desire for sex. I also have phases where I'm more asexual than pansexual. It probably has to do with being trans, although I don't think I'd hate sex, just not feel the need for it.