When you came out 3 years ago, but your family denied it, told you never to talk about it with them, and continue to deny/not talk about it well into your twenties, due to their religious beliefs/prejudice. I had my first sexual encounter with a man 3 years ago, and after it went well, I told everyone important to me in a very tactless way. This ranged from a "That's.... great!" from my more liberal friends to a very worried state from my parents. I have left it alone for these years, but do I ever bring it up with them again? I am a bit of a pushover, so even bringing a boyfriend home seems like a bad idea at this point, unless he was a capable man, persuasive, and I had the support of my brother (my best friend who is very accepting and charismatic in the family.) If any of you were in my shoes, would you wait until you found the right one and try to tactically approach it (my current idea), or try to ease them into anyone through a more upfront approach, making it less of an intervention for them to accept me as I am. Or something else, I will be up another hour if anyone has further questions/description of my situation.
It took a lot of courage to come out to them. Do you think that just talking to them anymore would change what they are thinking/feeling? How does your brother feel it would go now? Maybe have smaller conversations at first to gauge where they are now. But you are right that it may take that "a ha" moment of you bringing a boyfriend home. It did for my Dad. He's very conservative/religious and I brought someone to Thanksgiving this year. It went better than expected when "it got real" actually seeing me with someone who made me happy and he could see was a good person.
There's no need to tell your family about your casual encounters, you are allowed to have a private life that you don't share with your parents. If you feel comfortable discussing your sex life with your brother, that's up to you. Personally I don't talk about sex with my brother. We have lots of things in common, music tastes, movies and video games, but sex is one subject we stay clear of. He doesn't need to know what I get up to with men and I don't need to know what he gets up to with women. But we both have friends that we do feel comfortable discussing those issues with. When it comes to having a relationship, you'll let the partner know that your parents haven't quite been on the same page as you when it comes to accepting your sexuality, and that you'll need a bit of patience when it comes to introducing him to your family life. But I would not let my family dictate who I date and hook up with. I basically wasted my twenties hoping to meet someone perfect and charming who I could take home and introduce to mum and dad. It never happened, and all I ended up with was a load of empty fantasies about guys who weren't even gay, and missing out on real life romance. Nowadays I take chances on dating guys without wondering what my parents might think of them first. I'm not looking for a good son in law for my parents, or a good brother in law for my siblings, a good extra uncle for my nieces and nephews, or even someone to impress my friends. I'm looking for a guy to spend my own time with. What ever happens later on happens.
I so agree with Devil Dave. It is your life and you are now an adult. Go out there and hope that you find someone you can share your life with. Only once you have found such a person who can love you as you are can you work with him how best to meet your family. If he is the right person he will want to help you and get to know your family, but in the end if they do not accept him or even you then as the bible says "you leave Father and Mother and cleve to your new partner and become one". Enjoy dating and experiencing falling in love.
