A discussion with a friend about dates led to confusion about what exactly counts a date and what's just doing something together. What do you consider the difference between going on a date or just doing something together like friends? Some real examples: A guy met someone on a hookup app but was using it for dating instead. Went over to the other person's apartment. Stayed all night talking to each other but didn't do anything else. Ended up sleeping in the same bed together because it was too late to be safe walking home. Was this a date? One friend has a really big crush on the other friend, and told him about being in love with him. The feeling does not seem to be mutual because one is straight while the other isn't. They both went to a movie together and then spent hours sitting in the car alone talking about their emotions and feelings. Then hugged each other goodnight. Was this a date? Two people who are both interested in a relationship with each other went to the grocery store for an hour together. There was no reason to go together other than spending time with each other. Was this a date?
It's hard to say. I feel like everyone's perception/definition of a date is different. It's probably why you often hear of times where someone thinks they're on a date and the other person thinks they're just hanging out. I'd like to examine each scenario and male a decision. **Disclaimer: these are just my personal views on each scenario; that doesn't mean they are the final or right answer for each situation. My verdict for each situation is underlined.** This one would probably need more context. Did the other person know that this guy is interested in dating? Was this other person okay with meeting someone on a hook up app and instead just getting to know that person without hooking up? How long did they talk on the app before meeting in person? This one definitely has potential to be a date, but could also be viewed as just hanging out. It's the sleeping in the same bed that makes the situation a gray area. If the person had offered to have the other person spend the night but had them sleep on the couch/floor/guest bed then I'd for sure say "not a date". To me, the fact that they actually slept in the same bed tells me this might be more than just hanging out, as I'd see that as both of them wanting to be physically (and perhaps emotionally) closer to each other, especially since they had just met on an app. Granted, there are certain situations where two people sharing a bed means nothing (vacation/hotels, sleepovers with a good friend/group, etc.), but given the circumstances, I'd say this one is most likely a date, or at least more than just "hanging out" but not exactly a date. It is for sure on-the-way to dating/relationship territory. If the participants were of compatible sexual orientations, I'd say probably a date (but even then, it's kind of unclear). But due to the fact that one is straight (and would therefore have no romantic/sexual interest in the other person), I'd have to say this one is not a date*. *Now, unless during their talk the straight one expresses/realizes that they may not be as straight as they thought, then it could fall into the gray area that I mentioned above where its more than hanging out, but not exactly a date. But due to the information given my "not a date" verdict still stands. I don't know how other people feel about this, but I wouldn't consider this scenario a date at all, regardless of how the two people feel about each other. If I was into someone and went to the grocery store with them, I'd absolutely enjoy the solo time with them, but I would not consider that a date in my mind. To me this would definitely be just a "hanging out" scenario.
To me, a date is what you make it and whatever the people involved define it as. I "went out" a few times with a guy, and was always confused if it was a date or not especially because he often paid for things. But since we never called it a date, and never talked about dating or being attracted to each other, or showed any pda at all, it was not a date. It was what I prefer to call an "outing." We were only friends. Now I don't see him anymore. So to me, for it to be a real date, both parties need to acknowledge it as a date. Otherwise it's just an outing.
As for the scenarios you posed, I wouldn't say any of those were FOR SURE dates or not. It's all in how the participants view them.
They both knew the other was interested in dating because their hookup app profiles said they were looking for 'dates/relationship' instead of actual hookups. They were both ok with meeting up just to get to know each other with no expectation of hooking up. They spoke on the app for about an hour, but recognized each other's pictures from a texting group chat they've both been in for 3 months but never talked to each other in before. They also exchanged phone numbers and texted for like a day after their app conversation before meeting.
Okay, so then there definitely is some potential there. But as Love4ever said, they'd probably have to both acknowledge it was a date for it to count. Then again, I've never been on a date, so my opinions as to what is and isn't one probably don't even matter.
These have been interesting replies, kind of confirms the ambiguity of what a date is and how hard it is to judge what counts as one. This was what one of my friends considers to be his first date. Apparently while in bed together the question of 'what exactly is this if it's not a hookup?' was brought up and first date was the answer they both came up with. This was me and my boyfriend when I still thought I was straight. It's interesting how just having different orientations changed the answer from date to not a date even though everything else was the same. This was the same people from the first example and was what prompted me to ask this question since we couldn't decide what this counted as, their 2nd date or just going to the store.
I once went on four 'dates' with a girl without knowing they were dates (long story). Basically, something I considered as just friends getting together for coffee or a meal, to her was a date. I don't think a date is anything in specific - it's the agreement that it is a date which makes it one. That can be defined before, during or after (surely the girl i went on those 'dates' with no longer considered them dates after finding out i hadn't), but basically anything can be a date as long as you both agree it is one.
A hookup situation is not a date - even if you have to arrange a date to hookup. A date doesn't even include sex. It's to get to know someone you are interested in. If you met someone from a group you belong to just to talk over food or a drink or you met someone from EC for the same purpose, that wouldn't even be a date. There would have to be some butterflies in your stomach before your agreement to get together to make it a date.
This for me. Dates are dates only if two people agree on it. This is why is so pointless to try and guess. What your friends did of "Well, so what is this?" is exactly what healthy relationship between two people looks like because there is literally no other way to know. See, for example here. To me I enjoy having sex on the first date. When I met my husband, our first date consisted of talking for HOURS on a secluded dock on a lake and ended up with me giving him a blow job in the same place. We both decided to "wait to not rush it" so we waited a whole week to have anal sex.....we are bad at not rushing it. But those to us are dates. Those are the times that we both got to know each other in very intimate ways. Those are the times that we both started falling for each other. And yes sex was also in the equation.
You can add me to the "never had a date" list. That may be mentioned on my tombstone: BMC77 Never Had a Date (Except the kind you buy in the grocery store.) LOL
I am wondering if a date isn't one of those things that you can recognize, but not necessarily come with a hard, written definition for. Sort of how you can recognize and tell the difference between nude art and porn when you see a photo of naked people.
Personally, I would say a date is when both people agree that you're going on a "date." Otherwise it's just hanging out. Also, both people would need to be romantically interested in the other. If one person is straight and the other is gay, it isn't a date.
That's fine. It's that it isn't automatically part of an updated definition. People sometimes wind up having sex at the drop of a hat. I'd go along with this.
I'd consider it a date if both people like each other and both want to get to know each other more. I think terms can be ambiguous so someone saying "do you wanna go out or wanna go to a movie" can be a date.
Any activity that involves two people with romantic feelings for each other. (I wish I could go on a date with someone I like if I find one.......)
