So I met someone 3 weeks ago who I at the time felt very attracted to. We texted a lot and got very serious very quickly and arranged to see each other. I had a really nice time meeting them but I think it was more in a friend way because I didn't enjoy making out much. They told me they loved me which freaked me out. After that we texted lots more and I was planning to tell them I'm maybe not into it in that way, but waited to see them again to make sure. I saw them today and again had a nice time and again really wasn't into making out or anything romantic really. I know I need to tell them but there are several reasons I'm worried. 1) they have depression and keep saying they feel way happier now we're going out, that nothing else makes them happy etc. I can imagine that me breaking up with them would literally send them into a crisis and ruin the period of good mental health they've been in. 2) they're questioning their gender and I'm the only person who knows about that. I feel like if I broke up with them they'd not have anyone to talk to about it and probably get really depressed because of that too. 3) They've come out as bi to all their friends because of me, and didn't get great reactions. It feels pretty horrible of me to dump them just after they came out which they had to do because of me. Also, they're about to tell their parents about me and therefore their sexuality and I don't want to mess that up. Any advice? :/
I know its really rough and it terrible to be in your position, but you aren't responsible for their mental health. When I was deep in depression I started to cuddle with a friend. It was the first time I felt normal, happy, and alive in many years. I questioned my sexuality, things got awkward. Eventually she pulled away and wouldn't be physically close though we stayed friends. She did took away the one thing that made me happy. She was the one thing that kept me afloat. I did plunge back into depression and became increasing suicidal. The reality is no one can nor should maintain my mental health for me. That isn't healthy and will just stall me getting real help. After months I finally got therapy, and I'm still slowly putting my life back together. Do I wish we could be close again, yes. Do I need physical touch and people to be healthy and happy, HELL YES, but I'm figuring out how to get those needs met without her. That is something they need to do. Learn to make life work on their own. With or without you. Be honest. Be a friend. Be kind and gentle. Point to places they can get support and help. However you can't be the air they breath to stay alive.
I have two words for you...."BYE FELICIA"!!!!!. Get the hell away from that ASAP!!! I don't mean to sound harsh but a couple of years ago...I met a very sexy guy at a formal event and we hit it off that evening and since that night, he would contact me at least five times a day. At the time...it really didn't bother me until I found out that he had Instagram and that is where I discovered there was something more going on with this guy that meets the eye. After a few weeks of chatting and hanging out...he too proclaimed his undying love for me on Instagram and started posting love songs on a daily basis where he mentioned me as "Mr. Magic". Things immediately took another strange turn when he kept telling me how he has fallen in love with me and I am definitely the one for him. Now...what really annoyed me about this behavior was that like I had mentioned in the above paragraph...he was very sexy and really handsome and the sex...was AAAMAAAZING!!!!!! However...I am someone who is very cautious and like to take things slow in order to see the individual for whom they really are before even considering the potential of them being involved with me in a committed relationship no matter how hot they are or how amazing the sex is. It seems that he felt because we connected so well sexually that there was no doubt in his mind this confirmed us to be a committed couple. Once I had a heartfelt and honest conversation with this guy...and although I told him that I would still like to see him but take things one day at a time and see where that goes. Instead, he got really upset and you would have thought that from his reaction that someone got murdered. To say the least, he did not want anything to do with me again. However, his decision to move on turned out to be my blessing in disguise. He got involved with someone else and things took such a bad turn for the worst that the final outcome was him being committed into mental health facility because he was suffering from severe depression without being treated for it which had caused him to have a mental breakdown as well. With that being said...I would perhaps suggest that you should consider having a similar conversation with this guy and be prepared for whatever reaction he decides to display and stand your ground and move on. At the end of the day...this decision to be honest with this guy could be your saving grace. Best Wishes...JS
I know you feel responsible. But it's not your responsibility to stay with them. Let them down gently and point them in the right direction. That's all you can do. If you feel like their depression goes beyond that, maybe seek out one of their friends? Just let them know what's going on.
As everyone is saying, their reaction is not your responsibility. You could certainly consider what is the best way to tell this person how you feel, but their reaction is out of your control. I would also be shocked if someone met me in such a short time and claimed that they loved me; they barley know me.
I didn't think about it when I first read this, but I do agree with everyone else about the getting so committed so quickly. It is a red flag. A new relationship feels great and some people are liberal with their verbal affection, BUT this is very early in the relationship and very much a trial period. There needs to be room to walk away and relationships are built on time. Even if you liked them, even if they weren't depressed, this isn't good on their part.
