What are you thinking?

I can't believe it's been a year since I graduated from high school. I kinda miss it.

 

How did this escalate so quickly? I went from perfectly straight, in love, in a relationship with a beautiful man, to broken up, to holding a girl's hand while stoned, to a quick peck on the mouth with a girl, to long kisses with another girl, to hands on boobs and fingers in pussies...all in the course of 3 weeks.

---------- Post added 8th May 2017 at 10:26 PM ----------

FUCK, I can't figure out if I'm bi or not. I didn't really feel physically aroused like I do with men, but I do think I enjoyed stuff on a mental/emotional level. Just not sexually.

 

Oh I can so relate to this post! Been looking for work for around 18 months. Things have definitely been tough, especially the financial side. Still no luck with the job search but been given the opportunity to do a 3 month course which is more than likely to result in paid work once qualified. Its still tough in the short term, but hopefully bringing some light at the end of the tunnel.

Also very seriously thinking of coming out to one of my besties tonight. I've written out a message & (with the help of some liquid courage :icon_mrgr ) plan on hitting send next time she comes online. We live in different states & don't get to see each other much. I think she will be surprised, but supportive. But I don't think I'd have the guts to tell anyone in person yet.

**Omg she's online... I don't know if I can do it :eek: I don't think it will go badly but I'm still so terrified! She'll be the first person I've come out to**

 

I tried to let go of the idea that I'll undergo HRT before college. I told my parents so, to cement it. But I couldn't, and have been begging them for the past few months.

Yesterday night, something weird happened. I imagined myself in class, and someone calling my name. It felt right, and it erased any self-doubt I ever had. It was so relieving, actually, that I started crying. Snot and everything. I was so damn relieved.

I guess that revelation, along with the fact I've passed a few times, helped me accept that maybe giving up HRT right now isn't so bad after all. If I train my voice to be a little deeper, and if I wear the right clothes, and talk the right way, and walk the right way, maybe I will get through without depending on anything but myself. And then someday, I won't have to worry about acting "the right way." I think that thought is the most relieving of all.

I will talk to my parents again about this, but instead of asking them to support HRT, I will ask if they will can help me transition in other ways. I think this is the best choice for my family and myself at this moment, financially, emotionally and physically, and I hope that I am right, and I hope I will never have to worry about this again.

 

That feeling when your favorite player extends his contract for another year when you thought he was going to retire:

I've been looking for almost three YEARS. Problem is I live in a cityvillage of 1,000, I have no car because I can't find a job in order to pay for one (and even if I had a car, I don't have a license because I couldn't afford driver's ed and I can't afford to pay for a learner's permit to have someone else teach me) and I can't look for a job elsewhere because I have no car. It's a vicious cycle. But there's this restaurant a block from my house that just re-opened (after someone torched it two years ago) that might have a few openings available. Hopefully it's as a dishwasher or something behind the scenes and NOT having to be a waiter because that would be an insanely difficult job mentally for me to do. At least it would be something that would let me save up to get a car and license so I can find a better job elsewhere. I so want to get out of this dead end town.

Also, don't know if I'm too late to say this, but best of luck in coming out.

 

The future is looking bright for me. My friends and I are going to a talk about space soon. Near the end of this month there's a big school trip. Soon after that, a week off school. Then a general election. After that it's only six weeks or so before the summer holidays. In early August I'm going to Newcastle. In late August I'm going to a summer school which looks really good.

So much waiting.

 

That must be hard. You need money to make money. Such a vicious cycle. Hopefully you're able to get a job at the restaurant I live in a much bigger place so my problem isn't the lack of jobs, its the competition. Someone better or more qualified is always available. I'm hoping by doing this course it will give me an extra edge to become ahead of the competition.

& thank you! My friend took it so well, as I expected She said it doesn't matter to her who I like so long as I'm happy :icon_razz

 

Omg I love Homestuck so much it's insane. I'm at the part where you get to move around and see talk sprites. I'm so gay for Nepeta and Kanaya. <3

 

Finally managed to talk about my depression/anxiety with my mom and know I'm going to a doctor tomorrow. I'm nervous, but kind of excited to start to figure out what's wrong with me.

 

I don't think I'm going to pass my English class.

 

Out of all of the guys she could go for, she goes for him. Bitch.

 

I should never be allowed in Target, I always spend too much money there.

 

Today was a successful day. It was nice to not have to really spend time to movivate myself to leave my place. I just left and got the things that I needed to get done taken care of. That's the first time that I have been able to do that in a long time. I think that also is sign that some much needed emotional healing is finally starting.

 

Saw this in a bookstore in Haight-Ashbury today.




That was fast. :lol:

 

Hmph, someone actively signalling their interest on a dating site, but their profile says "open relationship". Don't know what to make of it.

 

The fact that I can stream all of the episodes of "my cat from hell" on the animal planet go app makes me way too happy.

 

I have discovered that the wifi at this hotel works best in the bathroom. Good thing this is a big bathroom. I have brought a chaor and the small table in here and set up shop.

 

I'm tired of living.

 

That's how I felt with my Algebra class

 

I love how you know I'm waiting for something to come in the mail but you go and check it anyways before I can get to it. :dry: Also, I love how long the idiots are taking to ship the thing I'm waiting for. It's been two fucking weeks; it should have been here by now.