What are you thinking?

Dear brain,

It's almost my birthday. Let me be happy. I don't want to be angsty right now. Let me live. I know that you are worried that I won't achieve some of the things I have always hoped for. That I will led a mediocre life. But you know what? Would that be so bad? Let me be happy. I am not in the mood for this, well, mood of yours.

Regards, me.

 

My thoughts center today around loneliness. As mentioned in my Hello post, my SO of 22 years passed in 2014 from the aftereffects of cancer. She died here in our home as I held her hand watching her heartbeat fade away. The hardest day of my life and trust me I've been through some rough shit. She was the absolute love over my life. Maybe the only one I ever truly loved.
Now it's 4.5 years later and I would like to join the rest of the world once again, but am finding that somewhat difficult.
If I meet someone online and tell them I'm 72, they think granny grunt sitting in her chair waiting for the coroner. If I meet in person they think I'm lying about my age.
I also confuse the hell out of people. I'm androgynous as heck and it shows in many ways.
Due to my larynx being crushed in my early twenties my voice is all over the place, and I never know what's going to come out. Sometimes a simple Hello causes others to scurry away or at the least a wtf look.
Another stumbling block is that my sex drive is near zero. For most that I've met this is of a high interest for them and they too run.
Just ranting. 99% of my family are gone and I can count the number of real friends on one hand with a couple fingers left over.

 

Same. And I work so much that I'm already bored 4 hours into my day off

 

I'm lucky that I don't get bored when I'm off. (I got games and books, and shows to catch up on, so I'm always kept occupied.) It's just annoying when I plan to sleep till like 9:30 or 10 on the weekends and my body is just like "nope."

 

Gosh I'm so emotional....whyyy

 

Wishing myself luck

 

I actually wake up a few minutes before my alarm now. I lay there still sleepy but annoyed because I know that I'll have to get up for work soon. Then the alarm goes off, and I sigh and go "Not today, Satan." Never works.

It's even worse because I go to bed earlier (11pm) during the week in order to get a decent amount of sleep and still wake up on time. Because of this, I start getting tired around 11pm on the weekend even though I can stay up later.

 

Saw a story about these two guys who got engaged in front of a big-ass tornado, and all I can think is "that's my dream right there". Not the getting engaged thing, but the "HOLY FUCK that's a big tornado and I'd love to see it in real life" thing. Congrats to the two guys (one's actually a meteorologist), but all my asexual, storm chaser-wannabe nerd ass can think of is "HOLY SHIT, THAT TORNADO, THOUGH"

Not sure if I'm allowed to share this, but it's just a news story, so I hope so. Happy Pride Month, people.

https://www.pride.com/lovesex/2019/5/30/guy-proposed-his-boyfriend-front-tornado

 

A gay teen in Kentucky is worried he might be Christian.

More here https://www.google.com/amp/s/local....-worried-he-might-be-christian-1819571250/amp

 

Injured my ankle because my dad had to fucking trash pick a table off the neighbors curb and made me help him, which resulted in me tripping and hurting myself....

We don't even need the God damn table anyway.

 

Last night I went to a gay club for the first time with a guy I really like. I'm thinking about how I regret not kissing him. I was scared of possible rejection and ruining the night.

 

Newbie n can't seem to understand how this works
Plus need answers to questions

 

I've looked at your posting history, and you don't seem to have asked any questions yet. Making a new thread for your questions would be a good place to start. Where you should make this thread depends on the subject matter you wish to discuss. However, if you're really not sure and post it in the wrong section then mods will probably move it to where it should be.

The help and feedback section can help you to understand the mechanics of the site better, if you're unsure of how to do something on this site but would like to, that's where you should ask a question about how to do it.

https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?forums/empty-closets-help-and-feedback.147/

 

A hundred percent my dad/my childhood LOL

 

The redesigned set of The Price is Right looks like an acid trip.

 

I’m think about going to a gay bar tonight. I’ve never been to one and I’m not completely game to going to one just yet but I am considering it. There are none in my area though so I would have to drive about 30 minutes which I wouldn’t mind.