What are you thinking?

where is this awful jealousy streak coming from? it is like for no good reason at all, what the fuck brain? can you chill with ur insecurity shit please? I have things to do and existential garbage to overcome and I dont need ur stupid ass making these petty baby irrational emotions on top of everything else you fuck up

plz n thank u

 

omfg i took a fucking sip from my salt water cup when i was supposed to just fuckin rinse aaacck hahaaha

yeah i'm still rinsin and swishin after i eat anything, just to be safe cuz i still have those little openings which i actually think aren;t even deep or anything and really don't constitute as holes.

i mean that's prolly why i haven;t had anything come outta there when i use the syringe, they either don;t collect anything cuz of how they are, or the garglin and swishin cleans em out

and i have to use my syringe on my loose gum which is still tightening, but it's almost there and should be good soon hopefully

i don't even need to use salt water anymore but yeah, either way i'm actually out so no more salt water rinses.

 

I've got this stupid anxiety back again.
Feeling sick in the mornings and not eating breakfast on top of that because that makes me feel like I want to throw up, which means I'm hungry all day.
On top of that, I've caught a cold, so I can't breathe as well and my headaches are going to become even worse.

I don't know what's causing this, probably a variety of reasons but I want it to stop.

 

For the first time in forever, I've been able to take out the earbuds, put down the distractions, close my eyes and just be without a million shots firing in my head back and forth. I feel at peace. It's a new feeling. But it's nice.

 

This might be a bit off-topic, but you reminded me of Frozen. :lol:

[YOUTUBE]BulXil2ROy4[/YOUTUBE]

I'm glad you're feeling that way now, though.

Anyways, I've been sleeping since 7 PM and I randomly woke up at 1:30 AM... I don't even know. XD

 

I SHOULDNT HAVE TO ANSWER YOUR FUCKING QUESTIONS! WHEN I SAY I DONT WANT TO ANSWER, IM NOT GOING TO FUCKING ANSWER BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO! YOU DONT HAVE TO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS SO WHY IS IT OKAY FOR YOU TO SIT THAT HAVING A GO AT ME BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO ANSWER ONE OF YOUR STUPID IRRELEVANT QUESTIONS! JUST BECAUSE IT IS YOUR HOUSE AND I AM YOUR SON, DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING YOU TELL ME TO SO STOP ACCENT IF IT DOES!

Fuck you, mum.

 

My father used to do that when he was in the military. Anyways, are you okay? If you want to talk about it, I'm willing to listen.

---

I think tomorrow is the day I am going to finish coming out about my gender. I just hope that D doesn't get upset with me about it. I think I am preferred as being female... I wish labels were not necessary. I really do.

---------- Post added 2nd Oct 2014 at 02:40 AM ----------

That's amazing, Ashley. I'm so amazed by how far you've come, and how well you are doing.

 

My dad said that we've got to talk about stuff tonight and I'm terrified that that means my sexuality which I'm not comfortable talking about with him.

 

I know it's hard, but you can get through it Ryujin I believe in you! @Brad and Kaylen, thanks. I've been listening to the Frozen soundtrack entirely too many times lately, XD It's soooo go though! And so many of the songs are applicable to my life recently it's kind of eerie.

 

It's so good that things like Skype exist!! :icon_bigg

Amazing suggestion, thanks to a special friend who came up with this idea.

 

I wish I knew how he is.. I am tired of waiting for him to message me, but I am trying to be supportive and just wait and give him space.

 

Pluto is officially a planet again, and I am way too happy about this because Sailor Moon was my childhood, and Sailor Pluto was my favourite senshi.

 

That's stupid. There are loads of pluto-like objects in the same orbit.

 

Just listening to Panic! At The Disco love songs and feeling all sappy and lonely. If only there was someone I could listen to these songs with and feel happy actually listening to them. Okay, I'll stop ranting now :icon_redf

 

My best friend whom I have had a crush on for a while now told me she likes me as well... Only thing is she has a boyfriend (my other friend) and she doesn't know what to do. Looks like she may stay with him tho. I just want her to be happy.

 

Well that was interesting.

 

I was taking notes in my Geography lesson as if it was a lecture...
Me, Why?

 

Yeah green grapes! :icon_bigg Delicious food!

 

Lol, that was funny. I'm taking an a-level in spanish this year, so I have to get a few lessons. The teacher let a couple of swear words slip; she clearly isn't used to people who understand them. Most people learning spanish here wouldn't ever get the opportunity to hear them, but I used them all the time is spain.

 

Found out on FB that my friend who recently moved over a month ago is coming back to the area on Friday for Yom Kippur and will be leaving on Sunday, that he'll only likely be able to see anyone on the latter day being busy with religious and family things. Would like to see him, yet at the same time he hadn't gotten back to me on either of my FB messages several weeks ago and imagine there are tons of people who want to see him as well and that I imagine have known him longer...

Not sure what I'd like to do.