What are you thinking?

My mom dyed her hair while she was in Florida. She looks like Judge Judy dumped a bottle of bleach over her head...

 

ooh these bitches would just love seein my hot pink/black car i have Franklin drive around in GTA V.

and they'd love my hot pink/black bike in real life. and my fabulous glitter nail polish. and my sexy sandals.

people are so pathetic. they just can't handle men bein fabulous and/or likin fem shit and it's just so sad.

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lemme just say that breakin bad was fantastic and my emotions lawd

Jesse is my spirit animal <3 and so obviosuly my fav character

i love how he says bitch and yo and his general personality. my baby <3

but anyway yeah, finished BB and it was awesome and now i'm prolly gonna start House of Cards or sumthin

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goin to my third therapy session on monday. and i just remembered that i can bring mum along at any time i guess...i think i'll give it a few more sessions at least so mum won't bitch about the therapist only seein me a couple times.

cuz basically if i were to ask mum about goin say this monday with me in the hopes of Laurie bein able to get thru to mum on the whole general trans thing, mum would prolly be against it in that oh, she's only seen me twice, not enough time, doesn't know you blah blah blah--if you get what i'm sayin

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i don't think i ever talked about my tooth here...

so back in january of 2013, i was watchin a season 9 episode of X-Files. it was the brady bunch episode. and i think i was moisturising my face, and then all of a sudden my fuckin fillin fell outta my back right molar--the top one, furthest back.

and from there began the downfall of that tooth lol

i dont know why i didn't go to my dentist. i guess cuz i hadn't seen him since like before i realised i was a guy and all that. and i guess not wantin to deal with goin there and not havin my name/gender marker changed at the time and and blah blah blah, in combination with the tooth feelin fine and stuff-- i just didn't go.

and i've kept the tooth clean ever since (dental pick whenever i eat sumthin. annoying, but ya gotta do it obviously)and inspected it sometimes to see how it's goin. specially after any time more of it and the fillin broke apart.

and now it's well, really fucked up lol. not much left, i dunno how to describe it. but i need to get that fucker completely out and get the root out cuz it's prolly infected or goin to if it's not already i dunno.

and there's sumthin of a discomfort now when i eat and food touches it and all that so i just wanna get this shit done and finally be free of it and not risk anything.

so i'm gonna have to push thru my anxiety and everything and call up this place nearby and get them to take care of it.

 

Dysphoria... has been absent for a while. I've been happy. It was nice, to finally get rid of that suffocating feeling. But for some reason... it just came back...

It's so easy. It's so easy to just ask, and they will probably say yes, but I can't because it's so hard and I just don't know what to do. Where did my happiness go? Where did my optimism go? Why can't I see a bright future anymore? Why do I feel so sad?

I don't know...

But I'll get better. I always do. In the morning I'd probably be pissing rainbows. Dysphoria's a little motherfucker. :lol:

 

Been a bit depressed lately :icon_sad:

Terrified of never being able to find an awesome lady to spend my life with and ending up settling with a man that I won't want to sleep with.

 

If you can't beat them, Join them! :lol:

 

I'll try to do something new today. I usually watch sad/cryptic movies whenever I'm feeling down so maybe it's best if I watch Easy A. I forgot how cool Oliver Penderghast's parents were and Penderghast is such an odd yet interesting family name.

 

Stoked for orientation at the new job on Tuesday! I hope they let me work out a notice with my current job, but if they don't, oh well. Sorry current job, you've been replaced!

 

So tired. Don't want to work. Bleghhhh.

 

That's okay. Kick me on your way up, I'll kick you twice as hard on your way down.

 

Artist statements are such a pain in the backside, yet they are important. I have such a headache.

 

On the way up....
(good morning from the Gallatin Valley)

 

My random thought for the day: If submissive means below missive what the hell does missive mean?

 

I want to feel pleasure in things again, but worried it won't happen, ironically, until after he's definitely moved away. :icon_sad:

 

I'm really in the mood for a chicken caesar salad right now.

 

Best lunch ever. Just sayin'.
3/4s the way up.

 

Dreamed of saving my crush's life... what does it mean? Also, really happy that he messaged me this morning, if only for a short time:eusa_danc

 

I'm thinking my mother should really think twice before calling me up and asking if I'm enjoying my time alone. It kind of defeats the point.

 

I chuckled at this.

 

I'm thinking I'm so alooooooone! :tears::tears::tears: so many cute guys and not one of them is mine! FML .-.

 

I'm a bit sad about something right now, but overall, I'm feeling a bit happy. Just hope no one ruins it...however, given my mother...