What Are You Thinking?

cat... on... feet... must... get... up... too... cute... to... disturb

 

Just don't go further than weed.

 

Considering going to an emergency department later but pretty sure they wouldn't take me seriously.

 

Oh, trust me, there are much unhealthier coping mechanisms. Some turn to hard drugs, alcohol, self-harm, prostitution (just as much for survival, especially for poor, colored, transwomen).

What helps is disassociation, giving my mind other thoughts to focus on. Like this morning, it's not so bad, since I have a lot to do this week, and I can obsess over those, instead. If I can avoid others for a while, listen to music, wander around outside, or get lost in a solitary activity.

Why not? If you're a threat to yourself or others, they have to.

 

I'm definitely not a threat to others. And if I am a threat to myself then nobody would care so I might just as well save the ED time and resources.

 

Folks, I think it's time for advanced potty training. If my son was a girl we would be done right now but now he has to learn how to stand up and pee. The only problem is... I can't exactly teach by example here. :help:
On the bright side! :lol::eusa_clap(!):eusa_danc We are ALMOST THERE!!!!!

 

The doctors, nurses, therapists, and support groups care. If you're not in your normal state of mind, you won't see it, but a small part of you still chooses life and is crying out for help right now.

Get help now so your condition doesn't spiral out of control and you end up doing something that will hurt you and those around you.

 

i am thinking that as each day passes, i am getting closer and closer to coming out. I feel it has almost become an itch that can only be satisfied if i just end all of this worry. I have come to the realization that all this pain associated with hiding can only end when i come out. My sexuality is something that i think about so often that i now feel that the only direction i can go is to come out. I sometimes find myself hoping each day that something might happen that might out me or that i rehearse coming out scenes in my head. This surely must be a sign of such an inevitability?

I am very scared of the future, especially what will happen in the next 2 months. Its strange how i am able to hide all my emotions from friends and family with an expressionless face while i continuously contemplate what seems to be an ever-approaching storm.

 

I'm at the point where I'm willing to give anything away to just be a straight/gay man rather than a trans* one or just detransition all together. This is fucking ass and I'm hating myself more and more as the days go by.

 

detransitioning won't work. I promise.

 

I can't change the results now, so why am I worrying so much?

 

because some idiot a few million years ago decided to grow a brain and give us all the ability to worry.

 

It will save myself the hurt of hearing everyone around me use homophobic/transphobic language, even if it means I have to suffer more. I can't see myself honestly being alive that long if I do--but it's not like I see myself making it to 20 (let alone 21) being on the road I am.

 

(*hug*) I know it sucks to fucking hell. But trying to go through it when you can't be who you are is even worse.

 

Why arent my friends in the slightest supportive of anything i do? Might just have to say fuck em, and make my own path through life...

 

Just one of them days

 

You know you're better than that. If you are starting to breakdown at least talk to us. (*hug*)

 

I've finally realized I won't be able to transition financially and my dysphoria is getting worse every day and nobody is telling me how I'm supposed to cope with it or deal; especially people I see in therapy who keep beating me over the head with "You can't be in this revolving door of being in mental hospitals" all the time. I'm trying to see who my friends and boyfriend see, but it's so hard when I can't look the part either.

 

Fuckin 'mon SCOTLAND!!! Right intae them!!!

 

(*hug*)

On a side note, my fridge and cupboards are all empty of food. Guess I'm huntin' for dinner at the local Jack in the Box