What Are You Thinking?

Not gonna be working 14hrs tommorow ! WaAHAhooo!!

 

Graduate programs, graduate programs, graduate programs. Turns out there's a field called Environmental Humanities. Of course, if I can get into the Yale program that would be amazing, but I need some safety options.

 

I'm gay. I love bacon. I believe the shirt referring to this phenomenon will be required in the near future.

 

2am....I'm anxious and can't sleep...and the first thoughts that come to my head are that Lady Antebellum song and...you.

 

Soooooooooooo confused

 

I'm still in love with the girl that I messed up our shot at being together, and I know I'll never have another chance.....

 

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndA69KiffJE[/YOUTUBE]

/Win

 

Why am I so f:***:ing stupid?

I am so, so, SO screwed...

 

this song is playing in my head right now. :icon_bigg

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsoPsxKVhP4[/YOUTUBE]

 

Like... LOVE!

 

Oh boy. I woke up this morning in my dressing gown and a pair of tights, with my contact lenses still in and make-up still on. Last night must have been pretty damn good to achieve that result.

 

*concern* What's going on?

 

Would I ever be able to stop the habit of sleeping REALLy late or not sleeping at all? Gee, this is already too much, but I must say, who can resist Miku's songs~? ^_^

 

I wish i could actually enjoy thanksgiving instead of having to worry about school

 

On my birthday (not last Friday, but the one before that) my friends and I had a small party. Long story short, I drank way too much and had to be rushed to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. A week had passed and I hadn't heard anything from my school, so I was really hoping that they were just going to let the incident slide. But last night I got an "letter of allegation" which basically said that I have to make an appointment to go before the council of student misconduct for having two violations of university rules (drinking when under 21 and drinking so much to be rushed to the hospital) and I am absolutely terrified. Not to mention that I can't be completely honest because then I would be incriminating my friends (at the point where I actually had to be taken to the hospital, I was already away from the party and back in my room, so there was no evidence of my friends drinking , so they are not in trouble).

...it's just basically a stupid mistake on my part...one that could have been easily avoided...

 

I just got home from my date with the girls from work and we had so much fun, except...

When I first started working with them this summer one of them told me that she had a dream that she was dating this guy named Eric that worked in another department. Both of us sort of just played it off like, "Wow, how random?" Here we are six months later, and she's divorced her husband and now SHE'S DATING ERIC. It's so freaky. Today she told me she had a dream that I was in a really bad car accident and now I'm super paranoid.

 

I can honestly say that I've never in my entire life felt this alone before. Like, there is literally NO ONE I can talk to right now...and the two people in this world that I feel most comfortable with haven't been available for awhile.

Such crap.

 

excuse me if i decide to rant real quick because i really have to get this shit off my head. i didn't write this with the intent of hurting anybody's feelings or offending anyone in here or reading this but i have to say it.

right now, i don't feel like being bothered with this whole entire sexuality shit nor do i feel like announcing to anybody that i'm gay or whatever. in fact, i'm really starting to wonder what's the whole big deal that other gay people make about being gay where they have to let everybody know that they're gay. i don't see straight people letting everybody know that they're straight. like seriously, who cares. maybe this is me being in frustration mode or i need help like what my screenname says.


when i was at work, i was just like "okay, i'm at work. i'm doing my job. i really have nothing to do besides talk, work, and think about things". i saw other guys and what have you but maybe i'm so closeted to the point where i didn't feel like eyeing every guy around me or hoping that the gay people i ran into gaydar picked me up. i didn't give a shit. i wasn't in hunt mode today ready to allow my heart to race or to get googly eye over guys. fuck that. i didn't feel like it.

i also feel a negative vibe towards women. well most of the ones that i ran into today anyway. they just rubbed me the wrong way to the point where i felt myself getting somewhat mad just by looking at them, their demeanor, hearing their attitude. then i think to myself "what the hell is wrong with this bitch? why is she busy acting like that towards me? why is she being rude to me for? here i am just trying to do my job and she's acting all rude for no fucking reason just to be a bitch." don't know why but most of these women act real funny around me like making up their faces, act all weird and the whole nine. i don't want to be with you so stop acting like that. i don't know how all you guys can get on these women side enough to be their friends. most women don't like me. the older women seem to understand that i just want to talk and have a conversation. they aren't as judgemental as young women that think that i want to get into their pants. they make me feel that uncomfortable.

 

Last night was... interesting