First off, thank you all for being so nice to me. This place is very kind and really been helping me out since I can’t go anywhere safely due to covid. So I decided to Google some more about how I felt and found two Youtubers, Gaby Dunn and BisexualRealTalk. Then I found myself crying for no reason after watching some of their videos. Part of me was like “oh my gosh no one has ever understood me so much in my whole entire life“ and part of me was so mad at myself. I cried myself to sleep confused and kind of not confused. This morning I woke up, on a Saturday feeling like as if the biggest weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Then for some reason I started crying again, I don’t know why. Then I stood there and was like you know maybe you are bi after all. Running around and away from your thoughts really hurts. The more I thought about it and the more I felt relieved like every bad emotion and problem I ever had in my life was gone. Everything about how I felt in life made sense. I’ve decided to take the Kinsey scale test. It came out to about a 3-4. Part of me is slowly starting to embrace how I feel and part of that thanks to this place is making me feel OK about myself. The other part of me is scared as hell. Scared that I’ll lose everything I’ve ever cared about, my family, my friends, my work, and just the way I am. It’s almost like a mom sending their kid off to college and crying and saying goodbye to them and then thinking, oh my gosh is my child going to be different at college am I gonna lose them? Then part of me is like, well why don’t you just go back to your old self since you’re bi you can just marry a guy..... And as soon as I thought that I was horrified at the thought. So I told myself, you know what just be just be yourself, You don’t feel like it but do it anyways. Right now I’m at a place where I can’t like men for the most part. Like somehow I feel hopeless every time I think about having a future with a guy one day. But I feel hopeful when I think about the fact that I could end up with a girl. I considered that I might be gay but then I was like, well that can’t be true because I still have a huge crush on this male singer. I don’t know when I’ll be OK with myself. Like being able to tie the rest of my life into who I am. I feel like I’m two separate people now. I wish I could just be cool about things and not be scared all the time. (And I will probably be disowned by my family if I told them how I am, so that conversation will probably never happen.) I consider changing my style, to currently match how I feel, but I’m too broke to go on a shopping spree lol. Anyways is this normal? Has anyone ever gone through this? Thank you so much for reading I appreciate all of you!
Okay for the most part here I can relate. This is definitely normal and you shouldn't feel weird at all. I took the Kinsey test and I'm a 5. For me coming out to my parents felt amazing and unless they have said that they don't like LGBT or they are super religious, maybe you should consider telling them. However, if you think they wouldn't understand, maybe you should tell some of your friends. Before I told anyone, I was so nervous and scared and coming out to at least the people closest to me really made me feel better and I reccomend you do that.
First off your dog is very cute! And yeah well I know my mom will never accept me if I told her how I am. She openly voices how she is not supportive of the LGBTQ community.So I’m pretty sure keep it a secret from her for the rest of my life. As for my friends, I haven’t hung with them for a very long time because of this whole Covid thing. But I have two really close friends I met in yoga. I really want them to be supportive of me but I’m not sure how they feel about the LGBTQ community. Both of them identify a straight and one of them is currently living with her boyfriend. I might just casually mention something LGBTQ from the news and see what they think. It’s good to know I’m not feeling alone in telling people how I am.
