This might be a daft question...but is it meant to feel like something is happening? I’m seeing my therapist as I start making steps to leave my emotionally abusive heterosexual relationship. I came to the conclusion that I’m gay a couple years ago and my therapist is aware of this. We’ve had about four sessions, but I was seeing her for about three months this time last year. I feel like we just chat about what’s happened that week, what I’ll do next, with a strong focus on my relationship , and some about how I’m feeling. So, this week I mentioned feeling like I’m still living a pretence, despite talking to people about my relationship, and that I felt suffocated. I said I’d just have to keep going through the motions until I’m on the other side and prioritise that, which she agreed with, and is correct I guess...but I’m disappointed that she agreed. I want to be working on/talking about some of the sexuality stuff too. It took quite a lot for me to mention it too, given I feel so uncomfortable talking about it. I just feels like we’re not doing anything, I guess. It does help having somebody to discuss it all with, but I don’t feel that anything is happening as such. I don’t know if this makes sense or whether I’m being fair.
Therapy is different for each person and it depends on what you want to get out of it. For me, I know that I'm working on the root of my problems when my therapist allows me to see things in a completely different way. She helps me connect the dots and helps me create a narrative that finally allows me to understand what is happening. Its the "aha!" moment that feels liberating to me. That and when I start crying while explaining things that I barely remember or didn't know I had such strong feelings about it. Shes really fucking good at leading me down certain paths so I can see for myself what is happening. This is fairly common problem that stems from you not being honest with your therapist. If its easier print this and just hand it to her. She needs to know things aren't going the way you want it to, that you want to talk about something that you find hard to talk about, and that you need her to to guide you a bit more. She can't read your mind. She can help you talk through how to ask her for what you really need and you guys can even talk about why is it that you feel this uncomfortable to ask your therapist to fulfill your needs. That might be a great topic for you to explore. Keep at it! Figuring out how to make therapy work for you is not easy, but man its worth it once you find the groove.
Guided conversation. That’s what therapy is to me anyway. I’ve been in and out of therapy most of my life but never been as productive as this last year. I have trouble letting my walls down even with my therapist. It really bothered my last one (she moved and I’m devastated). I’d start to cry, do that for a few seconds, realize what was happening and immediately stop, pull myself together and go back to telling my story in a very detached manner! I have an appointment with a new one in a week. I’ll start the same way I always do... this is something I know I have to work on and would like to put some focus on... so let’s go! I’m always very direct and straight forward on what I want to get out of my sessions. Once I accomplish that goal I’ll set a new one (or take a break if I need to). I second what smurf said. Maybe next appointment go in with a clear goal in mind that you want to accomplish. Most people don’t do this, they just go to therapy. If you have something you need to do/discuss and tell them they know where to take you.
@smurf Thanks for your reply. I emailed my therapist to clarify what I wanted to work on and all is sorted now.
