Well.... I was a Psych major in uni so I am obsessed with personality tests, including the Kinsey scale. I am just going to go ahead and assume that whoever opens this thread is familiar with the scale. I have been trying to determine whether I am bi or actually just a lesbian. I came out as bi when I was around 16 after having that "oh shit. I'm not straight" moment after locking eyes with this random girl at my high school. I then proceeded to internet stalk said girl and wrote poems about her. Yes, I was creepy. Still am. But that's another story. I thought about it and realized that I have been having crushes on girls since I was 11. I remember when I was in elementary school, there was this girl who was a friend of a friend of mine, and when I first saw her, she literally moved in slow motion in my eyes. There was an attraction there. Also, when I was like 12, I was swimming in a pool and saw a woman sunbathing and I could not stop staring at her, then, she looked at me, and I looked away, confused and ashamed. However, I have also had crushes on a lot of men. I've never been in love though, not with a man and not with a woman. Asexuality could be a possibility? As I've ever only had sex once, when I was 20 (I'm 24 now) and it was with this girl I met through a hookup app. I lost my "lesbian virginity" at 20 in the back of that girl's car. It was an interesting experience but it wasn't pleasurable, tbh. I didn't get that big "o" and I've always wondered if I would climax if I had sex with a man because of the presence of a d*ck. However, I have always heard that girl-on-girl s*x gives more org*sms than straight sex? I am pretty sure I've only climaxed once or twice and that was during mast*rbation. I try not to masturbate because I feel shame associated with it as I was raised Christian and am technically still practicing. In terms of pornography, I've watched it a few times but the type that turns me on is threesomes lol. Like it doesn't matter about the gender makeup, 3 men, 3 women, 2 women and 1 man, 2 men and 1 women, it really doesn't matter as long as there is a third consenting person in the video, that is when I get aroused. So that makes me question whether I am actually asexual or I just haven't had the right experiences. Back to the whole lesbian thing, I don't like matching with men on dating apps. I usually have my settings on my accounts show only women but sometimes, I do turn on the feature where you can also see men. I JUST DON'T WANNA GET PREGNANT. I know that's weird. Like I feel like the only time I'll be ready to have a relationship with a man is if there is no sex involved or a 100% chance that I won't get pregnant. I have schizophrenia and I do not see myself being a mother, especially with the whole medication situation. I just do not want biological kids for multiple reasons. I wouldn't mind adopting a child but I can't see myself getting pregnant. I know there are birth control, condoms, etc. available but none of those are 100% full proof. I also would never get an abortion (I don't care if other people would get abortions as it's their body, not mine, but in terms of my own body, I don't think I could ever go through with it). Is my fear of getting pregnant the main reason why I'll only have sex with women? Honestly, yes. Do I sometimes fantasize about having sex with men? Not really. Do I find men attractive? Certain men, yes. Would I want to die without experiencing having sex with a man? Probably not. So I retook the Kinsey scale test recently, and it pretty much said that I have become homosexual with some heterosexual tendencies whereas the last time I took it I was "equal parts homosexual and heterosexual". I think it is only because I've only had sex with women (more like woman, as it was one girl, one time). In terms of relationships, I've had a lot of "first dates" with an equal number of men and women, I had a boyfriend for about a month but I wasn't really into him. I was around 21 at that time. Last year, around my 24th birthday, I had my first girlfriend and it lasted only 2 months. Neither of these relationships turned sexual. However, I must admit, having a girlfriend was a lot more enjoyable than having a boyfriend. So I am not sure what I am anymore... Anybody have similar experiences?
