Does anybody either identify as gay now—or discover (or come to terms with the fact that) they were gay at some point in their life—based primarily on a specific sexual urge or fantasy rather than attraction or feelings toward people of the same sex. i.e., did the emotional component follow somewhat random sexual experimentation (random in the sense of whom it was with) rather than sex following being attracted to and interested in someone? I’ve been trying to accept that I’m gay for a while now due to sexual urges that I have. I haven’t acted on them in large part because I don’t find men attractive visually, and I can’t get over being sketched out by an anonymous craigslist type encounter—it’s just something that makes me uncomfortable and I haven’t been able to get past so far. I also find myself fantasizing about women quite a bit still. Sometimes it’s sexual, other times it’s lying in bed together and cuddling or on the couch, etc.—relationship-y stuff. In any sense, it’s things I don’t feel I want to do with another man, and has much more of an emotional component. Has anyone had experience like this where they did their experimentation and then any feelings or longing for the opposite sex went away? It is hard for me to imagine this happening with the way I feel but I’m still on this side of it so I have no idea. This whole thing has gnawed at me and hollowed me out for so long (I’m in my mid-thirties now) that I legitimately believe I have no business being part of someone’s life, and I actively reject myself.
Hi, I’m bi and I’m married to a woman. Have you ever taken those tests online as to where you fall on the Kinsey scale? I’m a solid 2. I check out women as I’m attracted to them physically and sexually. That being said, sex with men is also a huge turnon. I don’t check out guys in public, I just don’t. That doesn’t mean I don’t have the capacity to say that guy is attractive, but a guy doesn’t turn my head like a girl’s really fine tight butt does. I do however find myself drawn way more to gay porn (when I look at it) and it’s a huge turnon. I have experiemented with guys and the c-list encounters are really sketchy. The sex that I’ve had in any form with a guy has only made me want more. I guess a perfect thing would be find a couple with a bi guy, but being married I’m keeping to myself and my somewhat rich and frustrating fantasy life. Perhaps you are bi and that helps to explain your feelings. I myself haven’t had an emotional relationship with a guy, but I am open to it (should I find myself not in a relationship). Sorry if I seem to be rambling a bit, but I hope it made sense.
