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Was this dysphoria?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Raatox, Dec 20, 2014.

  1. Raatox

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    Hi, very beloved EC members!

    I'm trying to accept and explain my history and my behavior earlier in life. I find a lot of signs that I didn't really was acting "normal", some parts is clearly connected to gender dysphoria, especilly during puberty, but some are not that clear, but I suspect they might have something to do with it.
    Though I might overanalyze things, so therefor I would love to hear if anyone of you recognize these things.

    young age, pre-puberty
    * Beeing VERY introverted as child. Prefered to sit in corners, under tables, not talking to people.
    *Stress-realted physical issues: belly-ache, gnashing teeth, head ache.
    *beeing obsessed with beeing a "good girl" (One of my main occupation at kindergarten age was "washing clothes")
    *constant daydreaming
    *Incorporating a hand puppet in the family, I think he talked more than me during the age 8-10.
    *Contempt of girls.

    puberty-post-puberty
    *obsessed with working out - beeig thinner
    *struggles to socialize
    *constant daydreaming
    *acting "childish"- I didn't want to do "adult"-things like make up, clothes, dancing, going out etc.

    last ten years (16-25)
    *Relationship addiction (Was obsessed with guys, Had always someone on my mind, no realtionship lasted longer than 1,5 years, I ended every single one of them. )
    *odsession with exercise and suffered from eating disorders
    *severe "who-the-f*ck-am-I" concerns
    *obsession with performing well in every aspect of life, pleasing everyone around me
    *Trying hard to be old-school female, cooking, knitting, baking, wearing dresses etc.
    *Constant wish to escape from my life
    *Suicidal thoughts of non-specified origin

    Always:
    *Thought it was very draining to be around people, though I longed for company.
    *difficulties to come close to people. Rather beeing with them in order not to be alone than because I liked them.
    *beeing extremely sensitive to criticism
    *beeing obsessed with cute, sweet, kind things; soft toys etc.


    I think all of these things can have completely different causes, but I also think they might be based on experiencing gender dysphoric feelings. So I'm really curious about if anyone else recognize anything similar.

    Thanks :slight_smile:
     
  2. I'm_Danni_x

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  3. Chriswe

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    Hm, the pre-puperty things definitely sounds like me as a child and I do think I did this because of dysphoria. I always sat alone talking to my imaginary friends and the stress was unbearable... And well, I'm a teenager now and I'm doing half the stuff you listed.

    It could all be a cause of gender dysphoria yes. I've been thinking about this stuff for about a month and it's really interesting actually.
     
  4. Acm

    Acm Guest

    I don't know how much of this is dysphoria but I experienced a lot of similar stuff.
     
  5. Minnie

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    A bit, yeah. Well, maybe more than a bit. It can be hard to pinpoint exactly what is disphoria and what is anxiety/introversion when the latter two could be a result of being uncomfortable with your birth sex.
    The belly-ache you mentioned reminds me of when I was young and had a couple of phases where I went to bed almost every night feeling sick.
     
  6. Michael

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    Sounds like your own way of dealing with it. I was never into cute stuff, and was very social as a child, until puberty changed my body, then I became voluntariry isolated out of shame.
    I've been all my life your typical rebel without a cause, a black sheep, and confronted my parents on a regular basis.
    ... I despised girly stuff, I was always outside getting dirty, bruised and beaten, climbing up trees,etc... During my teens I became obsessed with books, films and computers. I liked sex a lot, but didn't wanted a relationship because didn't wanted anyone to remind me "who I was"... I also thought all my life that being born like this was a curse, and wish I had been born as a normal boy.
     
  7. anonym

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    I can relate to almost everything on that list.

    I wouldn't say they are signs of dysphoria so much as consequences of it. It's like you missed the actual dysphoria itself and it came out in other ways, if that makes sense.
     
  8. I'm_Danni_x

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    Yeah that seems so much like me and it probably does seem like dysphoria.
     
  9. antibinary

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  10. Raatox

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    Thanks a lot for your awnsers!
    I didn't really mean it was dysphoria itself, more various ways to cope with it, as you suggested.
    I think it is very interesting how different people find different was to do it.
    I wish I was a psycologist so I could do research in it :wink: