Hi everyone, First of all, I want to apologize for my writing as I'm not that good and just need to unload everything. I'm sorry if its hard to read and follow. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 3 months and everything is going really well. We have just moved into university and are in the same student accommodation which is great. He is only a 2 min walk away and I love being able to see him whenever I want. I have met some amazing friends that are also nearby and haven't gone a day without seeing. We have talked a lot and have decided that we want to have an open relationship in university as we haven't really been with anyone else other than each other before. We both have kinks and sexual things that we want to explore but not with each other. The trouble is that I want it more than him. I feel ready for it now and he wants to wait a bit longer, but I don't know how much longer. He says he will want to do it when we are settled in but I don't know what that means. It is really hard. I believe that it is something I need to do. He is my only relationship and I'm getting frustrated. I don't know why but I just want more. I want more intimacy with more people and I don't know how I feel about it. It feels like I'm an awful person for not being satisfied with the amazing person I am with. I really need advice on this so anything would be helpful. I really really love him and don't want to become fed up with the relationship. Thank you.
Have you heard of polyamory? While it might not be exactly what you want, the poly community has amazing resoources on how to handle these types of scenarios and emotions. To start with, you are not an awful person for wanting to be with other people. It doesn't say anything about your love for your boyfriend, doesn't take anything away from how amazing he probably is, and it doesn't mean you are an awful person. My husband and I decided to open our relationship around the same time as you all. Its a hard fucking process, but if you are able to navigate it its so worth it. Like you, I was more ready for the change than he was. I was the one pushing for it more, giving him books to read and videos to watch. Its an incredibly awkward position because you don't want to be pushy but you also know you can't stay still and wait for it to happen on its own. So things to do: - Start reading some books about nonmonogamy. "More than Two" and "The Ethical Slut" are probably your best bet starting off. More than two also has a great blog that you can check out - Be patient with your boyfriend. This is a scary change. The main thing is communication, so start learning how to do that effectively. You and him should have this conversation about how you are feeling and how he is feeling about it all. - Your university should give you access to free therapy. Ask for a therapist that is knowldabel about LGBT issues and knows about nonmonogamy or is willing to learn. Sadly, you might have to teach the therapist a thing or two about how things work, but they can still help you navigate the terrain as you both learn together. I had to do this with my first therapist so I know its a pain, but it still works. Couple of things to think about. Yes, you want an open relationship but what does that look like? Is it just threesomes? Can you guys flirt? Can you have sex with other people alone? What are the rules? What are the boundaries? Will there be kissing? Can you do all sexual acts with the third person? Talking all of this through is essential to help ease fears and give people a sense of control over the situation. Yes, open relationships is about A LOT of talking. Not as sexy as many people imagine If you have any other questions feel free to post on my wall or post here. There are a couple of us on here who are in an open relationship so you aren't alone
