1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Want to support my friend but don't know how

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by MsKCorleone, Apr 1, 2014.

  1. MsKCorleone

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2014
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Germany
    This is going to be long and somewhat confusing,but I can't bear this alone and I need advice urgently.

    Okay, so there is this girl I'm really good friends with. She helped me through the perhaps worst time of my life when I was suicidal due to bullying and problems concerning my family.
    Sadly,I couldn't return the favour well enough and she had to get psychological treatment for a longer period of time.
    Because of this,she wasn't in school for a while and it looked like she might have to drop out of it entirely for quite some time.
    When she came back,I was overwhelmed and so happy she apparently felt better. Actually this was when problems really got started. She got into a relationship with this guy and I told her right from the start that this wasn't a good idea.
    Of course she didn't listen,which is okay since she was madly in love and I understood that and even supported her in trying to defend their relationship from the gossip of others.
    Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, he turned out once more to be a huge douche by showing complete ignorance to her feelings and telling her to leave whenever she had a panic attack after sex (which happened from time to time since she got raped in her earlier life) or even just said that she felt bad.
    After quite some fuss and her giving him approximately a dozen last chances,she eventually dumped him. It looked like everything was about to get back to normal again, even though he wasn't what you'd call a good ex-boyfriend (and of course he had a new girlfriend less than two weeks later).
    But this wasn't where the problems stopped. It turned out that she is pregnant and he basically started yelling at her that he hates this "meaty little thing" inside her and that she should definitely get rid of it as soon as possible(which she would have done anyway). Thing is, while he bitched her out,she had to deal with her parents who now hate her for their incompetence in taking precautions (they have mayor difficulties concerning the relationships within their family). And of course he begged her not to tell his parents.
    She gave in to his pleads, just to find out that he told a whole bunch of people in school, some of which aren't what one would call 'discrete' when it comes to matters this 'exciting''. She talked to him and so did some of her friends. Afterwards he promised to take care of it.
    However,one of the people he told, told the very same person that used to bully me last year (who also invented a relationship between and my pregnant friend before ,spreading the rumour over the whole school ).
    My friend now is really desperate and doesn't really know what to do since she is afraid of everybody finding out.
    I'd love to help her,but I don't know how. I had a panic attack myself when I heard about it and I feel that bad for her and am crying while writing this,but I simply don't know how and I feel like I should. What lousy friend doesn't know how to help their friends? All I do is hug her,but that doesn't make her situation any better. Do you have any suggestions how I could help her? I love her that much and all I want for her and all I wish for is for her to be happy.
     
  2. CharlsOn

    CharlsOn Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2014
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Germany
    Just be there for her. That's the only thing I know you could do.
    If she feels bad it's good when somebody's there that she can trust.
    Tell her you're there whatever may come.
    And give her a hug(*hug*)
     
  3. Silver Sparrow

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2011
    Messages:
    673
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    Northeast US
    I can't really give any concrete information.
    Sometimes the best things can really matter, even if we don't show other people. Just do your best to support your friend. Bring her things if she wants them, spend lots of time with her, etc.
    Make sure to take care of yourself as well.
     
  4. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    You should be encouraging her to talk to people who can offer her some practical help. Her parents, her school counsellors. Her family doctor. These are the people who can give her the help and support that she really needs right now.
     
  5. girlonfire

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2013
    Messages:
    163
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    I know it seems like you want to keep this under the radar, but being pregnant as a teenager is very serious. I suggest talking to her parents about options regarding the child (ie abortion, etc), depending on what their views are. Secondly, the boy's parents should definitely know. He is in it as much as she is. He can't escape just because he's a guy.

    You'll get through this. I believe in you guys. :slight_smile: