I understand. I was just wondering if childhood events had some weird connection. I remembered I made out hardcore with a best friends like 2 years ago who was a girl. She completely freaked out and regretted it when I felt fine about it and didn't see the big issue. I don't know it probably might not connect to the situation but yeah. Anyways as for an update my parents are taking away my laptop and phone every night now. I also have an event for the senior class being awarded scholarships and her family and the girl I like will be there as well. My parents and hers in the same room freaks me out since the even is this month. I hope everything simmer downs...
Like everyone said, were here for you!! I've lied so much & once the lying is done apologize. Sneaking around to see the one you love isn't a crime. Being gay isn't a crime. Your parents do not have an opened mind. Lie, go to prom with a guy. Meet up with her, and stay in the same school. Do what makes you happy. Lying to them is the only option I see. Yes, to your parents it's wrong. But it's not about them. It's about you.
Maybe seeing a therapist is not such a bad idea. Are there any lgbt friendly therapists where you live? You could ask your parents to go with you, that way they would be able to get an outside opinion on your situation. I find that often parents are more likely to listen to a stranger than their own kid and that's because they don't see you as a mature adult, at least not yet. I guess, your goal should be becoming financially independent and moving out as soon as possible.
I agree with Gates about lying low. Your parents do not sound rational, or reasonable, they sound controlling to an extent that is frankly scary, and should act accordingly. Any idiot parents who would consider messing their child's future up, 2 months before they finish school, deserve only contempt in my opinion, but sadly you have to make it work if you value your future. Don't try to reason/argue with them, just tow the line with them because they seem like unreasonable people. Find a way to inform the girl you like that you have to break to stop contact for 2 months or so. And comply, to finish school. This is most important, because it will allow you to get out there into the world. Messing your school up will have the consequences of having to stay with them for longer, and they seem to be not the type of people you'd want to spend any extra time with.
Yes I told her through a bunch of letters I wrote during school what happened today but we didnt get to discuss because lack of time and she left early today. Im just going to lay low. Found out today through research that since my mom took her number down she can see how many texts we send back and forth through tmobile just not the content. I wish I lied about her number and given a fake one instead, it was our only way of contact. All connections are basically cut off which make me feel anxious and antsy. I dont think I am gay, maybe a chance of bi and Ive told them this but they dont believe in being bi. My mom claims that you must 100% either like men or women. Theres no inbetween. At this point I have no words to battle their stupidity. Prom is in 2 weeks and no guys have asked me to go either and everyone I speak to is going with someone else. So Im basically screwed, especially since I dont have my dress yet which gives them more incentive to not let me go. I havent flat out told them yet that I will stop speaking to her yet because I do want to avoid lying but if they constrict me more I will be forced to say Ill stop but continue in school. The girl and I spoke briefly, she understands and is patient. Im not forced to figure out my sexuality either with her or be rushed, we've discussed this a lot too. I just feel so bad about how stubborn she is for sticking by me for almost 5 months in this mess since we've been romantically involved. We were friends previous to this for 2 years maybe. Its hard to see why she would put herself through all this crap...but I am so glad she does. Shes incredible..As for the therapist I think she was exaggerating to scare me and didnt want to take me, they always use the same threat. but I dont know. if it gets really bad I will ask to go because a middleman would really benefit the situation. ---------- Post added 9th May 2014 at 03:56 PM ---------- YES THANK YOU. I thought my parents being controlling freaks were because I did do something bad to them but they're honestly going psycho and it isnt okay. Thank god I am not the only one who believes so, I needed the reassurance. ---------- Post added 9th May 2014 at 04:15 PM ---------- Hello!
(*hug*) I'm really sorry all this is happening. Your girlfriend (friend? sorry, I don't know if you gave her an official status yet, lol) sounds kinda amazing. I'd stick with her.
Haha, sorry! She's not exactly my girlfriend but we're both committed to the point where if we flirt with other people or don't text as often we feel anxious or miss one another. That's a bad example but yeah, we're a step before a relationship. I'd like to be a in a relationship with her in the future though. I don't see any future hope though you guys. I am trying to remain positive and remind myself its all temporary, but I just end up tearing up or crying hysterically. I don't know what the future holds for us and college is the time where you start new, meet new people, and live in a new environment. With all these adjustments I hope we at least remain friends. Do you guys think its possible that because my parents restricted me from seeing her a lot in our experiences that it pushed me more towards her? Because like I said I am in no rush to label out my sexuality because that gives me unnecessary pressure at the moment. But since I am confused and I feel brainwashed by my parents who believe that I turned "gay" because this ONE girl and wasn't this way before freaks them out. It confuses me as well where I can't give a flat out answer for them either, its just her in terms of girls I am attracted to. What gives? All I know is that she makes me happy to be alive so why not go for it right? I am attracted to her as well, but we've only kissed so I am not sure if this counts? IDK. I'm just sooooo confused...
Update: I have received my laptop and phone back. I can go to prom but am encouraged to find a date if possible. My mother & father basically sat me down and told me what I was doing was wrong. They see how much gay women and men suffer on the daily and don't want that for me. This is why since I am still in the confusion phase they're trying to stop before I begin to love the girl I like. I do love her though, regardless if as a friend or more. It's love regardless. I understand their intentions but its just the wrong route they're going at. I feel like they've bombarded me so much with their homophobic ideas I am starting to fall prey to them. I am considering completely ending it with the girl to avoid lying to my parents since they were sincere and nice when asking me to stop. But I know in my soul I wont be able to and that its easier said than done. I don't think I can break it off so for right now Ill lay low with her. I wanna text her but can't so instead I find myself writing letters to her. I don't really have future hope...ugh. I feel bad for already breaking the promise of not speaking to her but I can't help myself. ---------- Post added 10th May 2014 at 08:20 PM ---------- We also have to attend a future event for the high school that her family will attending. I don't know what to do since my mother doesn't know or father. She has threatened to physically hurt the girl I like along with my younger brother. I am afraid of the tension. Help ?
Okay, I know you love your parents, but you can't think of them as righteous just because they were nice to you. They're trying to hide away and deny this part of you that's clearly been there for some time. That's dangerous and unhealthy for you. Plus, their initial reactions to all of this were waaaaaaayyyyyy out of line. Your mother has threatened to physically injure a teenager she hardly knows just because you're attracted to her. That's not right. No matter what they tell you, you have to think for yourself. You said they were nice when asking you to stop. But telling you you can't go to prom without a date, banning you from seeing a girl you're not even dating, and threatening all these things is in no way, shape, or form nice. Sure, they've calmed down a little, but that doesn't take away their initial reactions. This girl has given you no reason for you to break it off with her. You can't let your parents dictate your life in this way. If she makes you happy and has nothing done wrong to you, why let her go? Just because your parents don't like it? That's no reason. If you end up not speaking to her, have it be on your own terms, not somebody else's.
i would hate to have such ignorant parents.you should see a therapist. know why? because a therapist are professionals and will set your parents straight about the acceptance for bisexuals and gays
You're right Eleanor. I think it should be on my own terms if we stop talking, but my parents are keeping such strong tabs on me. The way they asked for me to stop (even though I KNOW they went about it the wrong way) was sincere and genuine that I felt so bad. Deep inside I hate them for WHAT they're doing to me because I just want to keep breaking down in tears. I don't wanna be seperated from someone I didn't even date! They keep bringing up how beautiful I am, that because I started to like a girl I had no self-worth or love for myself. That's not true at all, as a matter a fact, I was the prettiest I felt when we first started talking, lost a bunch of weight for myself and just felt good in my own skin without her liking me. It was a good time for me. I dont know, they ripped up my poster today for fitness- a vision board- that had women who were fit and fruits and yatta yatta because I have to get the impure thoughts out of my head. They even allowed for me to have sex with my "future boyfriend" and prohibited me from telling my three best friends what we discussed because they would "mock me in the future if I have a boyfriend, because it would embarrass him that I liked a girl once". I don't know, I feel like there's no hope sometimes. Could you guys please help me with the following? *How to feel less shitty for lying to my parents/feeling shitty about liking a girl-I'm not weird or disgusting? * Hope for the future with her is kinda lost because this probably wont end until I move out which won't be until 2 or 3 years..I wanna hold on to her forever..): * How to combat my sadness? * Should I just stop talking to her? Stop getting caught in a circle of lies again & risk my relationship with my parents ? (even though I feel that if we do regain the same friendship deep inside me I can't forgive them for this ever) ---------- Post added 11th May 2014 at 04:49 PM ---------- I feel like they only threatened me with therapy to scare me. They used the same threat for other things I have done or my brothher (more him). So yeah I dont think we will...but they'll enforce church on me....which I am scared of because they're brainwashing me in whatever way possible...
I'm sorry to hear your family is against you seeing the girl you love. It's your parents who are wrong and who would need some kind of a therapy! I really wish there was a cure for homophobia and your parents could see how happy and better person your friend's been making you. It's not weird or disgusting how you feel but your parents' attitude is. I understand you don't want to lie to them but your parents leave you no other options if you want to fight for your happiness and keep seeing your girl. I really wish I could help you more. (*hug*)
Ah yes. Them keeping me tabs on me is leaving me so depressed & I can't act for them like they want me to. My mom blames the fact that recently my family has had issues regarding my father wh got caught cheating and only now was the problem resolved. She claims the "absence of a father" which I didn't experience, it was just a bunch of problems but he's been there. Maybe in not the best of ways.s always but he's been there. They won't let me shut my door, question who I talk to on the laptop which is no one...seriously. I go on Netflix. They texted me after our last discussion just now to be careful of my actions & come right home. That my brothers friends are gonna tell them what I'm going. That I have to "love myself" & yatta yatta WHICH MAKES NO SENSE IN DETERMINING MY SEXUALITY BUT OKAY. The tabs they keep on me are so frustrating & I'm too sad to act happy for them h hug them. I'm bitter. I spoke to the girl I like today. I can't go home without being paranoid or feel shitty because I broke the prmise I made to them about not talking to her WHATSOEVER.I can't help myself, maybe I'm not in love with her but I do love her..plus there's also that I'm stupid....I don't know I'm really stubborn & tired & can't concentrate for my AP exam this Wednesday. Its all so frustrating that I had to seek help online....I can't help but mope around..UGHHHHHHH ---------- Post added 12th May 2014 at 07:41 AM ---------- Sorry for the typos/misunderstandings I'm on my phone..
Update: Im wondering if it would be okay to go to prom with this guy who liked me in the past- I think he thinks Im cute but he never spoke to me before. I just want a date and he really isnt my type. Should I go with him to please my parents? I asked my friend whose one of his friends to see if he was going, which he wasnt but now he is and they're all trying to get me to go with him, The problem is I didnt run it by the girl I like. She gave me a note today basically that said she feels sorta overhelmed with everything going on & is terrified of commitment because my parents since she's experienced things she's never experienced with me before (emotional). So now Im kinda frustrated because I risked/lied so much for this end result even though I know its stupid and selfish of me to think that way because its not like she lost all feeling for me but I feell like its turning into love and shes pushing back...when before it was reversed in the beginning. I dont wanna make a rash decision for my prom datte but ugh idk im kinda annoyed and dont wanna go alone...it wouldnt mean anything to me either. I just need this guy for the pictures and I told my friend who speaks to him its just that I need a date, nothing moore than that. I dont know.
