I’m a girl and I’ve only ever had crushes/ feelings/attraction towards boys all my life and have had one relationship that lasted 2 years where I absolutely loved him. Whenever it comes to celebrities, people on the TV or just day to day it’s always the men I have an attraction towards and pay attention to. I’ve never had those feelings for girls however whenever I fantasise it’s mostly about being with a girl. I can get off thinking about boys too but it takes a bit longer and I even started thinking about if it was a girl when having sex with my boyfriend. I always thought it was just a fantasy as I never felt this way in day to day life and the feeling seemed to disappear straight after. But recently I kissed a lesbian friend when we were both really drunk. I think I was just curious to see what it would be like and I really wish I could undo it as it felt weird but also exciting too?! I still could not see myself going further than this in reality and don’t have the urge to now, and definitely do not see me having feelings for a girl. But why do these fantasies always seem to creep up on me still. I’m really confused what this all means? Can anyone shed some light.
Hi Unsure! You bring up a really interesting topic. I was in the same exact place you are and still am to some degree. For all of my life, I always have and always will have feelings for girls in every way. I never really considered anything about guys in any way. There were times in my life where I would get a good feeling inside when I saw a good looking guy on TV or in movies, but I never really gave it much thought. In just the past few years, I started feeling the same way you do in that a lot of my fantasies would be about guys and they still are today. Up until last year, I considered myself bicurious. Through a lot of heart searching and the community, I came out to myself as bisexual. It felt really great! Girls are my main and strongest attraction, but I’m also attracted to the physical/sexual in guys. I don’t think I could ever date a man, but I’m open to making new friends in the LGBT community and maybe meeting a guy down the road who’s nice and sweet to be around. Sorry for the long post! I hope this helped a little bit and the most important thing is that you follow your heart and love you just the way you are! You don’t have to use a label or anything, just be you Best wishes always!
This seems to be not all that un-common. I have heard quite a few people say they have experienced this along with myself. From the beginning I have sexually fantasized of both women and men. But in real life only women have interested and excited me. Only crushed on women. The same applies for characters in movies and tv shows. Even in books now that I think about it. I can tell if a guy is attractive but I seem to be unable to even force myself to think of a guy in sexual or romantic way when I am next to him. And male characters in movies or tv shows never interested me as well. Only when I am alone and thinking of sex do I think about guys. But 95% of the time the guy is made up in my mind and not a person in real life. But outside of that guys are un-appealing. I have a lot of theories of why this is, but I am not convinced of any of them.
I can only speak from my own experience as your story in a way, parallel's my own and I would suspect, many others. I would fantasize and dream about men but once the moment was over, it would disappear (replaced with guilt and shame) or in the case of dreams, wake up, shocked but excited. For me, this was because of my own internal homophobia due to the way I was brought up and societal pressure to conform to the norm. I'm not saying this in anyway relates to what you're going through, nor can I tell you why you're experiencing what you are going through other than curiosity is natural for cats and us humans. It doesn't mean you're bisexual. If you have no sexual or romantic attraction to other women then perhaps this is all it was but only you can answer this. If you do experience attraction, be it sexual or romantic, to other women then you might just be on the bisexual spectrum but have a strong preference for men. Hopefully in time you're able to work out what is right for you and remember, this forum is always here to help and listen.
Hi! I can say that I've experienced something similar. I had my first crush on a woman when I was 15 or 14, but before that I would fantasize about women a lot. Perhaps you are bisexual but you either haven't met your type of woman yet or have experienced sexual/romantic attraction towards women but misinterpreted it as platonic attraction. Some gay and bisexual people realize their attraction towards the same sex years later, because they were taught that same-sex attraction and relationships are not "normal". Or perhaps you are straight and just enjoy fantasizing about women. Some straight women like to fantasize about women but wouldn't like to actually do the things they fantasize about. Few people are 100% straight or 100% gay, so you can be straight despite having homosexual fantasies or finding women sexy. I would advise you to look at your past relationships with women and see if perhaps you were romantically or sexually attracted to any of them but misinterpreted it as just friendship or platonic attraction.
Even if our fantasies bring us a certain amount of discomfort, it's important to pay attention to them rather than dismiss them or attempt to suppress them. When we try to keep a lid on our feelings it never ends well. Let's remember, that for most people, sexuality is on a spectrum. Most of us will be predominantly attracted to the opposite sex (straight) or same sex (gay), but that doesn't mean we will hold a gold star and never have moments of curiosity about the 'other side' or wonder what it might be like to try something different. That's just human nature! If/when we have recurring fantasies about the same sex, we do need to look more closely at what's going on and if we go further and start to become physically intimate with members of the same sex, it becomes even more important. It could certainly indicate a tendency towards bisexuality or even homosexuality, if it's frequent and predominant. There are all sorts of reasons why we may chose to ignore what's going on, including shame or a sense of feeling trapped or committed to a certain label, but ignoring it is probably a bad idea. That's not to say you should panic and get overwrought about it, but you should spend a little bit of time gently exploring what's going on.
Hello, @Unsure12. I'll pretty much echo Patrick's input, as the fantasies themselves seem to be of import. That is to say, I don't think you'd be having them with such frequency if there wasn't something at play--but what that something might be, I can't say for absolute certain. When did you first start noticing these fantasies? Have they been going on for a long time? Do they come up often? Can you think of any specific event(s) that might have triggered them? These are just some questions you can work through on your own time to help you gain a better understanding of yourself. It's possible this is just a case of bi-curiosity, but it's also possible you're bisexual (or perhaps lesbian, but given your attraction to boys, I'm less inclined to think so--providing the attractions were genuine and not a subconscious means of suppressing same-sex attraction). Try not to fret too much. Working through any aspect of who we are can take time, and sexual orientation is no different.
if you're not really sure about which label you think fits, then don't worry about the labels. Just be you & know what you like & don't like. As Patrick said, sexuality it on a huge spectrum & is not linear. You may only be sexually attracted to girls while you prefer relationships with guys. Or you may suddenly meet a nice girl & be very attracted to her. which means your sexuality may be swayed once you have gotten to know a person of the same sex. Just my 5c worth.
