[TW 'A straight, hyper masculine, jock's thoughts on sexuality']

Hello Bruce Wayne! Welcome to EC!

I'm a little unclear about the purpose of your post/treatise. Are you asking for input to become a better Ally?

 

Hey Bruce Wayne,

People can only be persuaded if they are open-minded enough and willing to listen to real input. I would say the best method generally would just be to present yourself and your actions as an example in such things as how you treat/accept LGBTQ people around you, calling out others for insensitive comments (even beyond homophobic, biphobic and transphobic comments) and supporting/joining your school's GSA as a Ally.

Straight people rarely have any reason to question their sexuality, so it is not a question that most straight people ever really dwell on in any serious sense.

I'll critique your original post in a couple of minutes. See if that helps you.

 

Hey Bruce Wayne,

So here is (hopefully) a constructive critique of your original post.

How, in your view, does fighting for LGBTQ rights help heterosexual males?

There are certainly a lot of stimgas associated with masculinity in our society, but don’t confuse masculinity with sexuality. There of plenty of “hyper masculine jocks” out there who are also gay or bi. Masculinity and femininity do not have a direct correlation to sexuality by any means.

Sexuality is certainly a spectrum, not binary. How do you see binary thinking about sexuality challenging straight people’s own identity? Certainly such thinking in our heteronormative society challenges LGBTQ people as they journey to understand and accept their sexuality.

Most homophobia, in my view, stems from ignorance and the best way to fight ignorance is with accurate information. I don’t know about Exposure Response Therapy. But straightforward education about the true nature of sexuality would be a great place to start.

Incidentally, the T in LGBTQ is for Transgender. There are two central, but separate, elements of the LGBTQ community: sexual orientation and gender identity. (‘Preference’ implies a choice, which sexual orientation definitely is not.)

I’m not certain what you are trying to say here. Certainly the heteronormal expectations of society come primarily from cultural and religious influences around the world. I wouldn’t equate your straight friend’s comfort with having sex with a woman in front of another guy as a result of being comfortable with being naked around other guys in a locker room. In fact, I would consider that exhibitionist behavior to be both odd and inconsiderate.

Homophobic slurs like a negative use of the word ‘gay’ or ‘fag’ or whatever are often something that people grow up saying in a generally homophobic environment, but I think that most of the time the people who use these slurs don’t even have a concept about what they really mean or how hurtful they can be.

Actually, the most significant study on sexuality was conducted by Alfred Kinsey and the Kinsey Scale runs from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual) with anyone in between being bisexual to varying degrees. Sexuality is also about attractions. You can appreciate the aesthetic beauty in another man, but if you never have any romantic or sexual attractions towards another man, you would be a Kinsey 0. Having spent over 20 years in the military, I can tell you that many of my straight friends were much like you in that they were just extremely comfortable with their (hetero)sexuality.

Bisexuality does not mean that someone is equally attracted to both genders. Many bisexuals have greater attractions to one gender or the other. While there are no scientific studies to really prove it, there is a lot of anecdotal evidence from many bisexuals that, in fact, their sexuality fluctuates over time. Sometimes that is as short as days and for others, like myself, it fluctuates over decades.

Ultimately, though, the important thing for each of us is to understand and accept our sexuality as we experience it – and, as unique individuals, each of us experiences our sexuality in our own unique way. Whatever label (or lack thereof) we choose to put on it for the outside world is actually unimportant.

Actually, the most significant study on sexuality was conducted by Alfred Kinsey and the Kinsey Scale runs from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual) with anyone in between being bisexual to varying degrees. Sexuality is also about attractions. You can appreciate the aesthetic beauty in another man, but if you never have any romantic or sexual attractions towards another man, you would be a Kinsey 0. Having spent over 20 years in the military, I can tell you that many of my straight friends were much like you in that they were just extremely comfortable with their (hetero)sexuality.

I hope some of that helps.

 

Hey Bruce Wayne,

I have to go now, but I'll try to respond more fully tomorrow to your last posts.

I would make two points though. First, you could have a real discussion about sexual orientation and gender identity if you simply seek out your schools LGBTQ organization(s) - presumably your school has a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance).

Also, while I appreciate your perspective and it's always good to interact with Allies, you have to remember that LGBTQ people live right alongside everyone else. We are not a separate society. We see the lack of education about the true nature of sexuality as well as gender identity and the ignorant name calling of people who are 'different' in some way than the others on a regular basis.

Have a great evening!

 

Hey Bruce Wayne,

I think that a lot of the homophobic nature of jock culture is due to a couple of things. One is the masculinity expectations of athletes and ‘manly men’ to conform to certain societal stereotypes. I am certain that there are a whole lot of heterosexual, hyper masculine jock-types out there who are actually uncomfortable conforming to many or even most of those expected stereotypes. Part of this issue is also due to what you referred to earlier, which is the ridiculous stereotype that homosexual men are automatically effeminate (and, likewise, that lesbians are automatically butch).

The other is lack of education on the true nature of sexuality (which also feeds what you mentioned about irrational fears – such as being in the same locker room with LGBTQ people).

There is another aspect of homophobia that you mentioned which extends well beyond the hyper masculine jock culture. That is a concern or fear that a person isn’t straight themselves. Some of the most actively homophobic individuals are ones who are trying to deny or deflect or hide their own non-heterosexual identity or questioning of their own sexuality.

As just one person, you can’t change the homophobic nature of jock culture all by yourself, but you can set an example for others to follow. There are already many athletes (straight and LGBTQ) who are starting to change their own views and pushing for change to the culture by setting their own examples. For example, there are many more athletes that are Coming Out. You can find example stories at Outsports.com.

You can better educate yourself on LGBTQ issues and the realities of being LGBTQ by reading through the threads here on EC and interacting with people here. And, as I mentioned before, you can find real-life LGBTQ people where you are and interact with them.

Just my thoughts.

 

Welcome to the forum mate You seem like a very cool guy, I hope you stick around.