I came out to my dad the other day. He is very old school and doesn't "understand why everyone is doing all this crazy stuff" the younger generation is doing, that's what he told me when I came out. Like it was a choice. Now he want to come over with my step-mom to talk with me about it and my husband (haven't started the divorce process yet) isn't here to back me up if things get emotional. I am really sensitive, and my dad is really blunt. The question that keeps comming up when I tell people is "how did you have kids though? You must like sex with men." To which I reply no, I just really wanted kids and that's about the only time he got sex. My husband is the most amazing human on this earth, I feel stupid for leaving him, but we both deserve someone to love us in a deeper way. Why do I need to justify leaving him and prove that I'm gay just because I've never slept with another woman before?
You don't need to justify anything to him. To be fair to him, you're likely dealing with his first response. Remember it took you time to understand and accept who you are, and he's just finding out about it. As we process loss (in this case, loss of perception you're straight), there are stages, denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. If he's like most men, he doesn't do emotions well, and so an aggressive denial is a pretty common response. You honestly don't owe him anything. You can kindly and respectfully say that you would rather not have him come over, and that until he's ready to accept and support you as you are, that you're not interested in seeing him in person. You're an adult, married, with your own life, rules, and values. He may not respect that, but you can set those boundaries for yourself. You owe him no explanation, no answers, no anything. When he's ready to accept you (and he will be, eventually), then you can have a conversation, but that might take a while.
At the end of the conversation he said he wanted me to find love and be happy so I think he is accepting of what I have told him, but I still think there will be a lot of questions. I'm nervous. And my step-mom had a gay daughter so I have hopes that she had taken it well too.
Also, thank you for reminding me that I have had two years to get comfortable with this and it's only been a little over 24 hours for him.
