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Trying to find appropriate label and community for bi.m.crossdresser

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Johideout, Jun 24, 2022.

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  1. Johideout

    Johideout
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    Hi,

    I’m trying to figure myself out and I know I’m going to mix stereotypes of gender and sexuality some here, but for me it’s part of the mix I’m trying to figure out. Please be patient and correct me if you want.

    I’m 40, born a male, I act straight and masculine, and married to a cis straight woman. But I’m bisexual, I experience the bi-cycle but I always tend to stay attracted to women. I also enjoy some cross dressing - thongs/panties, and a couple times it’s been stockings, dresses, nightgowns. I also like keeping my body shaved (chest, underarms, and genital region) I’d like to shave the rest but I think it’s freak my wife out. I also do like putting on lipstick and some makeup. I enjoy having a penis and don’t want to give that up, and while I’m aware the term “boipussy” is probably extremely messed up, I do like to think of anal as my way of giving myself to someone. I’m not sure what to say about that last sentence, it’s a complicated and controversial, unclear subject in my head and there are probably way more appropriate ways to say it. Regardless, I should mention my wife entertains most of my “kinks”, but she doesn’t really encourage them. I’m very shy about them so it takes some encouragement. I think alot of what I’ve written so far and lived is part of a heteronormative brainwashing.

    So here’s the deal - I don’t think I want to transition fully to appear as a woman, because I know there’s time I embrace being a man, but I’d like to have boobs, I enjoy embracing my feminine sexuality sometimes. I don’t want to cross dress all the time, and here’s the kicker - I know I look ridiculous. I’m self aware enough that I have this part of me I hate and have to accept (bi and cross dresser with feminine desires as a masculine man) and that I also appear physically as freaking ridiculous looking - 6ft, 230lbs with short dark hair and eyes will not appear as sexy dressed in panties and makeup. I’m searching for answers and a community to help me understand. Can anyone give me some insight to help me coordinate my thoughts?
     
    #1 Johideout, Jun 24, 2022
    Unidentified likes this.
  2. quebec

    quebec
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    Johideout.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I don't think I'm the right person to answer your questions. But I can welcome you here to EC and give you some info on how we operate. With over 90,000 members, I think that there will be folks who will be able to offer you some suggestions and we will all offer you support!
    I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) :old_big_grin: when that becomes necessary!

    *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Gender Identity and Expression”, there are people there who have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you.
    When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: :old_cool:

    *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership.

    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_rolleyes: If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message.

    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #2 quebec, Jun 24, 2022
  3. Jakebusman

    Jakebusman
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    Hi you sound alot like me
     
    #3 Jakebusman, Jun 24, 2022
  4. Unidentified

    Unidentified
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    I’m new to all this too … but your story sounded familiar to my own in many ways. I remain uncertain on how to identify with my gender identity. “Dressing up” feels less like me being ‘me’, and more like me trying to imitate who I wish I could be, without much success. I don’t have a solution. I just know that I need to take a step away from who I identify as today towards who I want to be identified as tomorrow. Kind of wanted to say thanks for helping me not feel so alone in my confusion.
     
    #4 Unidentified, Jun 24, 2022
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  5. Johideout

    Johideout
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    “Dressing up” feels less like me being ‘me’, and more like me trying to imitate who I wish I could be, without much success. ​


    I was thinking about my post and my situation after I posted (writing it all out helped), and I came away with that thought too. I want to look like her, and sometimes her is an attractive trans female, and it’s embarrassingly off the mark. I wish I could live this out in my personal life at least without feeling the shame of being awkwardly masculine.
     
    #5 Johideout, Jun 25, 2022
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