(this will be long) I hate to complain but its what Ive been finding myself doing lately...a lot. Ive posted a lot here about friends who Ive had issues with. Well things got better because I found that I was not perfect and I needed to work on things and problems got solved and we are a bunch of happy amigos now...untill last week when I really began questioning friendship. this whole thing is about 2 people in general who are a couple for more backround information who are very dear friends of mine. To me a friend is someone I can trust, someone I can count on, someone who has my back knowing that I have theirs, someone who enjoys my company, someone whos company I can enjoy, someone who I can relate to on a personal, emotional level, someone who knows me as well as I know myself but all this shatterd at a very comon social scene called a party. My friend had a graduation party for her little brother. I was offerd to go clubbing and being a nice friend I turned it down and went to the graduation pary. I arrived and automatically felt as the odd man out because everyone there had a boyfriend or girlfriend. I dont mind though, I'm used to that but there was a tension in the room I couldnt quite put a finger on. This is when things started to go bad, Gramps (her grandfather) walks into the room and welcomes me. I was happy to see him since it had been like 2 years. First thing he says to me is "We were waiting for yah. Your friends tell me you have not social life. All you do is go to school and work. You need to change that." :dry: Now you can see where this would rub off the wrong way. I replied with a coulple of sarcastic remarks and he went to the pool and i stayed in the room. I was surprised he said that because it didnt make sense. One ive hvent spoken to him since I graduated and two, I have always been the one to "organize" hangouts and what not. I mean I have been telling everyone that Ive been wanting to go to the beach for some time now or at least out to lunch or just a walk. This is when the next wave of "slap to the face" came. The people I have been asking to go to the beach with for the past month proceed to tell me how much fun they've been having at the beach for the past week, visit after visit, story after story. The same people who go telling the pary I have no social life are the ones knocking the social life out of me. I didnt say anything but it did hurt. I can understand I'm a difficult person to reach but they know that I do and have taken days and times off just to talk and listen to their issues or hang out in general. Not only that but on my days off I ask if they wanna hang but I never hear from them untill the next day. The next "slap in the face" came in the form of something personal. My aunt who recently died of cancer was brought up. We were talking about a lady who is staying over at the house and how annoying she is. They know that the issue of my aunt is a personal thing and thats when my friend used a quote I told them she used a lot but proceeded to tell me that, that was the person who was staying at my house. Basically, He said that my dead aunt was staying over my house. I shot him a look and corrected him, and things got weird untill another subject was brought up. The party became even more akward as the girls family would only talk to everyone except me. No one talked to me except the two friends who gossiped about me before the party. I think the reason being because I'm gay. I hate to throw that card out but I think its true. If these friends are ballzy enough to say I have no social life but throw every invitation I gave them to have a social life with them in my face, whats to keep them from telling her overly conservative family I'm gay. I stopped texting, calling and writting them and not surprisingly they havent even tried to contact me since then other than a couple of texts saying hi. I know that if I talk to them about it I will be labled the bad guy and things will go bad. If I dont confront them then I'll be kept treated like s:***:. I dont want to deal with this, im not the confronting type and I dont want it to seem like I'm whinning. Any advice? Better yet am I overthinking things?
"With friends like those, who needs enemies?" Seriously though, you call those people friends? Wow. If I were you, I'd totally cut at least one off. If they're not being sensitive or respectful enough not to dredge up your personal matters into a party of people you don't know or to give off false impressions, then they aren't really your friends to begin with. Name calling or telling them you're gay is one thing but to bad mouth someone, a loved one at that, who just passed away is INEXCUSABLE. What kind of friends are these, really? How tacky. You're not over thinking things and they're very lucky I'm not your friend (living over there). I would be all over them like a fly on shit. But give them another few days. If they don't seriously and HONESTLY apologize then fuck them. Have you noticed they've been treating you differently since you came out to them? Is this something new? Dump them. Now. Immediately. But seriously, fuck them. You need to get to bitch slappin', and soon. That annoys me and I don't even know them! I'll be writing you! :***:
I'm sorry you have problems with your friend. I think you should talk to them about that and about how it makes you feel. Maybe they just don't realise that it makes you feel uncomfortable and sad around them. And if you realise they don't care about how you feel, that means that they are not your friends anyway. I had similar issues with some of my friends when I was younger. Talking to them helped me to realise who my true friends were, and to work on my issues with them because they were not the only one to blame, and I just stopped worrying about the others. I wish you all the best. Take care, Eleanor
^I agree with Eleanor. You need to re-evaluate your friendships. Talk to your friends, but only if the friendship is worth saving or salvaging. If none of these friendships are worth saving... Cut them off! You can make better friends Friendships rely on honesty. Your friends should be honest and loyal to you. If you're able to talk to them, put your feelings on the table and they listen, that means they're pretty good friends. Especially if you work things out and patch it up. If you're unable to... Just move on. Like I said you can always make better friends.
I have to disagree here. I think it was taken the wrong way. It seems (from the way i read it) that they were trying to help you remember the good things about your aunt, not taking the piss. You (the op) should be celebrating your aunts life, not moping about it and avoiding talking about her.
Well, I I think it depends on the context and way she was used. It can be done good or bad, depends on the tone and manner in which shes used. Telling someone that their new roommate reminds them of his dead aunt because she's annoying as hell is not something to be celebrating in my opinion. But, I could just be wrong. It's not the best way to bring up the deceased, especially if they're recently departed or Nej hasn't recovered from that loss either. It's like going to a funeral and bad mouthing the dead. No matter how well you phrase your words, it's still going to be rude. It's just not the time or place I think. Besides, the party is about graduation, not his personal stories, love interests, social life or sex life.
It sounds like you have a group of friends who are either clueless, inconsiderate, or both. I've been to many parties, includikng when I was a teen and young adult, where I was one of the only unattached people, and I've never felt insecure or out of place; it totally depends on the vibe. If the people are open and accepting, you shouldn't feel "left out" just because you're single. Now... if you do find yourself, in general, feeling very alone because you don't have a partner right now, then going into a situation where everyone else is partnered may sort of amplify what you're feeling, regardless of how the others are treating you. But moving on to the other issues... it doesn't make a lot of sense why people would be openly talking in front of you about going to the beach when they know that you've been wanting to organize trips to the beach and have been trying to do so. It might be a good idea to talk privately to a couple of the people you consider yourself closer to and just openly ask. If they've legitimately tried to get a hold of you and you haven't been reachable, then I suppose that's a legitimate reason why they would have gone without you. But if it's happened multiple times and you don't have multiple messages on your voicemail or multiple emails asking if you want to go, then something else is going on and maybe for some reason they don't really want you going... in which case, you need to figure out what's happening. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that they don't want you and are being disrespectful without talking a little bit to some of them directly. If they do have a real issue with being around you, they probably won't come out and say it; most people avoid that sort of confrontation. But if the excuses are lame and seem insincere and are inconsistent, then you have your answer and, as painful as it is, you need to look for a better group of friends who genuinely appreciate you and want to spend time with you. Keep us informed about how things develop.
id just ignore them and get new friends be honest. they seem like they really just dont want to know you they sound mean! you say youd like to go to the beach so they all go like every day for a week and nobody bothers to invite you what if they are all going out and her grandad asks where are you when he dont see you with them and they say your busy they always say that so hes been informed you have no social life :S in future i say dont turn down your invite to go clubbing and when they asked where you were say you were having fun. if they got a problem with your sexuality and are nasty enough to talk about family like that i know if anyone had mentioned my mum i would of gone off on them.... you were really great to hold yourself and not kick the hell out of them. i say carry on with life if they txt they txt if they dont fuck them( pardon the language ) go clubbing meet new people make new friends where you can and live your life dont be tied around them and what they think they sound like a bunch of small minded pitiful children :S take care x
Im sitting down with one of them on tuesday but with my luck its going to be both of them. I had hinted on the granfather thing and my bull s*** meter went off. The Aunt thing is complicated. My aunt had a saying with a really strange accent where she would hiccup and say "hiccup* you crazy" which is something I will remember for a long time. It wasent the first time I had corrected him on it. I mean He was the first person I told that my aunt had died because his mother had died from cancer. We were talking about a lady who wasent my aunt and I told them that she wasent my aunt yet for the who knows how many times he has forgotten. He wasent bad mouthing her, he uses the quote a lot but when he forgets who its from...thats when I irritated. Im not looking to drop them, Ive known them since elementary. I just want to know whats up but thanks for your replies and diffrent outlooks. Ill keep you posted.
