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Trapped

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Anja, Dec 25, 2016.

  1. Anja

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    I am so trapped in my straight life. So very trapped. I don't see a way out. In a sexless marriage to a man who seems content with it somehow, and I have no reason to suspect him of cheating.

    Divorce is just not possible now, for various reasons, including financial. I don't see any fix in the near future.

    I wish there was a support group I could join for older lesbians feeling trapped in straight marriages.

    I could really use friends in the (older) LGBTQ community, but I have no idea how to do this.
     
  2. Thirdtimecharm

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    Hi Anja,

    I totally understand where you are at. Most days I feel the same and have two young children as well. I feel trapped. Stuck. Not wanting to be here.

    Know that you're not alone and if you needed to talk I am here :slight_smile:
     
  3. Anja

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    Thank you, Thirdtimecharm. It's a rough place to be. Must be so much harder with kids.

    I sometimes wish I could catch my husband cheating. I guess that's a rather passive-aggressive way to get out of this mess.
     
  4. stretching

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    I feel very trapped as well, and i hate that feeling! I have young children and my husband is the stay at home parent... I don't know what/how I could leave this home. Logistically if feels so insurmountable. And we live in such a small community that the prospects of finding a same sex (or really any other) partner is doubtful. I think honestly I have to commit to my status quo for at least another 10 years (waaaaa that sounds terrible... I'll be 50!! ) and even then my youngest will only be 12. Who knows though... maybe when I tell my husband he'll just want our marriage to be over and that'll be that. Geez, I sound depressed tonight!
     
  5. johndeere3020

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    stretching, age is only a number
     
  6. Anja

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    My husband has absolutely no idea that anything is wrong with our marriage. It baffles me because we live like roommates. This makes it difficult because even though I am not at all attracted to him and don't feel we have anything in common, I still don't want to hurt him. I'm stuck here for awhile. And as far as getting older, I am in my late 50s, so my prospects for finding someone seem pretty dim.
     
  7. stretching

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    As far as having another partner down the road goes... that isn't even really on my radar at the moment... I just want so badly to come out to my husband so that I can be honest and authentic for my own sake, and also for his. It is such a burden to have this beautiful knowledge about oneself and not be able to share it, you know what I mean?
     
  8. wrhinla

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    I do know exactly how you feel. We set these traps for ourselves, probably because we ignored the warning signs. At least that's true in my case. I ignored the signs because I didn't want to see them. Eventually, I came out to my wife (after 30 years) and she divorced me. But rather than use the opportunity wisely, I dated women for a couple of years, wrongly believing that the return of my heterosexual attractions proved that I was really straight after all. Now I'm back where I was three years ago, trying to find my way out of the closet once and for all.
     
  9. CROSSY ROAD

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    I'm so sorry for you.... I am not in a relationship but I can see how that would suck. Would it help to talk to your husband?
     
  10. bunnydee

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    Anja,

    Does your H know your feelings? For a support group - you have one here. But why are you waiting to live your life if you have no children?

    I came here thinking I would be the only one....lol. Mid-40's, married with children living in a lie. I can't say that I am just now realizing my sexuality. I have known my whole life. My first sexual experience was lesbian. My issues have been with my family, upbringing, and my own insecurities to just be me and not become the family outcast.

    I don't like identifying personally as this or this. Truth be told, I can see the attractiveness of both sexes (a beautiful body is beautiful), but I have never found sexual pleasure/attraction in men. I don't know if that makes sense.

    I made the choice not to be an outcast and not live the life I wanted. I married at 22, had a child, didn't work out divorced by 30, remarried by 32, had another child and this marriage will be my life until my child is grown. They should not suffer because of the decision I made.

    My H doesn't know and yes it is and was wrong of me to marry under false pretenses. But in my world, I grew up knowing no other option, so I married men that loved me and I could be friends with. Sex sucks but is part of marriage. You do what you do to get by in this world. I can say with age I have found myself and have much more confidence in who I am. If it weren't for my child still at home, my life would be different and will be in another six-seven years. Yes I am counting them down.

    I am so amazed at the younger generation that were secure enough to fight the battles I was to afraid to fight. Anja, your never to old to begin the life you should have been living all along. And there are so many more of us, than you realize. We just grew up in an era where it was closed closet, no questioning. That world thankfully is becoming smaller and a thing of the past.

    As you can see by the responses, there are plenty here that support you and living married lives. I am here if you need to talk as I know others are here for you too.