Trans coming out to friends advice

Skroala, I'm in high school myself and recently came out to three of my closest friends who have turned out to be really accepting. With that being said, this method may not work the same as it did for me if you did it for you, and you should only come out if you feel safe. So the first thing I did was find out their views about trans people in general. For example, I texted two of my three friends and straight out asked them. If the person's answer is something that hints that they'd be okay if you're trans, go ahead and tell them. That's what I did, and my friends pretty much just said okay then we continued talking about other things. My other best friend, who I most recently came out to a few days ago, is the friend who I was most scared to tell my secret. One of her friends ended up joking about being trans which led to us discussing how that was inappropriate, but it also helped me find out her own views of the trans community. I ended up telling her over snap-chat because I am really worrisome and shy (usually "chickening out" like you say), and she was a bit shocked and confused at first, asking me if I was joking like her friend was a few days before to which I explained that I even brought my journal to school to show her and that I wouldn't be so offended by her friend joking around about being trans if I wasn't trans myself. By the way, I am also from a small, transphobic community, and I'm not sure how your community is about these topics. It took me years to get to this point, so just take your time with things and come out when you're ready. Good luck!

 

Skroala - while I'm not trans and can't profess to have the same experiences you have and have had, let me just say that I understand completely the fear of coming out. It's a big move that can, sadly, go very wrong, and I don't blame you at all for being nervous about this. This is normal and natural, and, to be honest, a necessary instinct to have in a world where so many people may react badly and have a negative effect on your life thereafter.


That said, I think that if you know your friends will be supportive - if you trust them to accept this in a mature and loving way, which it seems that you do - I think you should remind yourself that there's no better place to start than this, and give it a try. Fear is a tricky thing: it gets into our hearts and minds, hijacks our rational thoughts, and tells us to do things that in reality we shouldn't be doing. You're lucky in that you don't have to hide from friends like these (assuming they really are as progressive and open-minded as you seem to say they are). I would consider myself lucky to have friends like that, and I'm glad that you do.


If you're still scared, try coming out to just one most trusted friend first, in a private, one-on-one setting. Tell them you have something you'd like to talk about and pull them aside where nobody else can bother or distract you. I've done this before, and believe me, I know it can seem frightening, but I promise that if you talk to your friend about coming out and tell them your doubts and fears, they'll support you, and, more likely than not, you'll feel that a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders afterwards. (I did.) Once you feel comfortable having come out to your most trusted confidante, you can try doing the same with your other friends - or, if you're feeling especially brave, you can come out to more than one at a time. You could even host a coming-out party! - though, granted, this isn't something I would do, and as a shy person myself, I have a feeling you might feel the same. The point, however, is to start small and take baby steps, and do what makes you feel most comfortable - without simply running away from it all. I know all that fear and doubt can really get to you, but I promise you there is no one better to get rid of your fears and doubts than your friends, so have some faith and don't be afraid to talk to them about this. After all, if not to share your fears with and find confidence in their faith for you, what are friends for?


I've been in in situations like this before and, trust me, I understand how hard it can be to come out, even today. But I believe in you. I'm sure your friends will, too. Good luck, Skroala - I hope all goes well for you and you find the answers to your doubts soon!