Hi there! I am active in the local music scene which I would anticipate to be accepting. I'm very outwardly trans identifying non-binary. I was casually "with" this guy in the scene and he had this huge breakdown in front of me about how hard it was being cishet and white after I had called him out for constantly misgendering me. So, I blasted him on social media in order for other trans people to know he as not a cool person to be around. Now everytime I go to shows everyone hates me, shuns me, and gives me dirty looks. I know I did the right thing but it really hurts. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this? I still want to be involved in the scene because I love music (and free concerts) but I know I'm not welcome. I try to surround myself with my true friends when I go to shows but one of them started hanging out with a girl who still hangs out with someone who I know hates me. So this means I only really have my partner and then it feels like us against the world, making the overall experience unenjoyable. My thought is to start a band. I have a few friends who would want to start a revenge feminine punk band and to speak directly about the issues we have with the scene. Hopefully some true hearted people would appreciate this too? Or would it just make me feel even more rejected?
I get where you're coming from, I'm a bi/trans guy musician myself. I made the decision to stay anonymous after some falling out with my own family and choral directors talking behind my back. Once I hit the stage again my entire face will be concealed this time around and I'm taking painstaking measures to stay anonymous. Am I saying this is the solution for you? No. This is just how I chose to deal with it. Your aforementioned solution is another and I kind of like it, it's a big middle finger to haters- but you probably will see a bit of backlash for that. What you did is something I personally wouldn't have done, but that took courage. You really shouldn't let a bunch of assholes ruin what you love so screw them- but not literally haha.
This 'friend' sounds like a complete jerk. Ignore him and get your band together. Living well is the best revenge. Beth x
I'm going to be honest: I don't think putting him on blast was the right choice per se. I sympathize with your frustrations over this guy misgendering you, but I think, unless he has actively been hostile/threatening/violent, it would have been best to just leave well enough alone. If someone had asked you why you two had a falling out, you of course could explain why. But publicly shaming him on social media? That's a bit counterintuitive, because rather than reaching a place of mutual respect and understanding, it creates more friction between the people involved. As to how you should handle things from this point on? Chicodeoro said it best; living well is the best revenge. If you want to create a band of your own and there are likeminded people enthused at the prospect, then that sounds like a great way to both pursue your art and speak out against social issues you face.
